Episode 22
Felicia`s POV..
I woke up feeling my mouth dry, my whole body felt like I was taken for some good turns in a grinding machine. My head was throbbing loudly I was failing to sit up straight.
“Felicia! Felicia! Are you okay? How are you feeling?” Chalwe`s voice came loud in my ears I held my hands to my ears to prevent the loud sound from getting to me further.
“Jesus has set you free, he has delivered you from the bondage of the ev!l one. Sit up and see what the almighty one has done for you today” I looked at his face as he spoke squatting next to me and holding my back to support me to sit up.
“What happened? “ I asked a little bit confused seeing 4 people around me and I noticed Daniels seemed a little distant as he kept sitting aside looking lost as the others kept lifting their hands up praising God.
“You don’t remember anything?” Chalwe asked again.
I looked around and startled after seeing Feli laying down motionless.
“What…” I could not finish asking as my eyes kept on Feli and Chalwe started telling me Feli was dead,
“It is dead and you are free, for so many years this thing kept you in bondage, but now Glory be to Jesus you are free” he smiled holding my hand up for me to stand. At that moment realization fall in, I remembered feeling dizzy and falling down after so much pain of burning in my body.
I looked at Daniels and the look on his face gave me shivers. He looked at me like he was looking at a stranger from some distance town. That burning love, the passion I used to see in his eyes was gone.
“My love, am…” I tried to crawl to hold him but he flinched back standing away from me.
“What is this thing? What was it doing in my house?” He asked his voice so cold.
“I know this is hard for you but believe me it has not been easy hiding this thing for years from you. I wanted several times to tell you but I didn’t have the courage to, I was scared I would loose and …” I could not say anymore as I started crying, in all sincerity I felt so ashamed and guilty. Now that Feli was out of the picture the whole sense of shame and guilty dawned on me and I could not hold myself.
“Well, am sorry Felicia, I truly am but I don’t think…”
“Enough Daniels!” one of the men who were praying for me spoke up cutting him short,
“This woman here is your wife, God did not set you both free so that you two can come to hate each other, listen to me. I know this will not be easy on you both but I want you to be prayerful and embrace forgiveness, especially you Daniels. Let God himself be the one to take care of both of you, remember this, to err is human but to forgive is divine. “He nodded his head but I kept mine down in shame.
Honestly I knew I could not expect so much from Daniels given the circumstances. I was later that day, after burning the snake to ashes, made to tell the entire truth. All the time as I told my story, Daniels kept shooting glances at me especially when I revealed how I pushed Pamela and Ritah away.
“It has been h*ell for me. I know I deserved the things I went through because I made the wrong choices but now I know better. “I told them all and the men of God helped pray more for me. By the time they were leaving I felt like my very old self again, I felt young and strong. There was some peace hovering inside me and even though I knew things would not be the same between me and Daniels, I felt God would help me through it all.
He sat back at the couch silent as the visitors left. Chalwe stood up to go and prepare something for us all to eat and for the first time in five years, we sat eating in silence. Daniels barely uttered a word.
“He will never look at me the same.” I told Chalwe as I washed the plates in the kitchen that night.
“Trust God, Felicia, the battle is already won and anything else will fall back in place, Daniels will come around, give him time, he is still in shock and am sure God will make you both come to terms soon”. He patted my hand before walking out.
I looked up the roof and sighed sniffing in the tears, “thank you God, thank you, if you truly have me forgiven today, make my husband love me again”. I whispered a prayer and walked to join Daniels in the bedroom my heart racing.
I slowly moved into bed to accompany him and he moved to the edge of the bed.
“Daniels, am sorry I…” I almost touched him but he sharply moved away. I was lost of words, I looked at him and my only response was to shed tears.
“I cannot blame you at all, I know you are probably still in shock, I don’t know if one day you will get to forgive me for this…”
“For this? You say it like its nothing huge Felicia. My God, I cannot get off the pictures of that thing from my head. I don’t now honestly how am going to look at you anymore. I know am a believer and I have to forgive you. It could have been easier if you lied about something else, but us living in the same house with that thing for years, losing all the babies we were supposed to have together” he shook his head.
“I don’t know Felicia, truly I want to get past this but I don’t know how I will be able to do that” he frowned and got a pillow to move to sleep on the couch.
“Am sorry, there is nothing else to say Daniels, I truly am sorry and I pray all this passes. Am glad God saved my life today and I hope I will be strong enough to face whatever is coming tomorrow. You do not have to leave this bed tonight. I will move out and give you time to think through things. You have no idea how much I need you right now, you probably won’t believe me but I was not happy at all, all these years I lived in agony, I wished several times that I would just fall down and die, I never saw this day of my freedom coming. “I cried pouring my out to him.
He was shedding tears too but was still standing with a pillow held in his hands. Without anything more to say I stood up. Looked at his face and touched him even when I realized he flinched back a little bit.
“Am still the same person you married and I still love you” I whispered my eyes pouring out and walked out of the bedroom.
That night I could not sleep, I cried my heart out to God, I prayed like I had never done before, praying for him to heal me, to cover my shame, give me a new name and wipe away my tears. I asked and begged for him to take care of my husband and make him see me as I was again.
Early the following morning I walked out and saw Chalwe seated in the couch. As he always did he looked at me and smiled.
“He has heard you my sister, trust Him.” He sighed
“Yeah I know, for some reason I felt he was telling me all is well, but I need to go away for a while.” I told him frankly.
“Why is that?” he asked seriously.
“This is hard on me as it is, I cannot even imagine what my husband is going through. I need to go away for a while and will be back when God allows it. Chalwe looked at me for some couple of seconds.
“Did you tell him that?” he asked.
“You will tell him for me when he wakes up, I got a little clothes parked from the spare bedroom. Thankfully my hand bag is out here I have the cards and my phone with me. Please don’t stop me, I feel it in me that I need to stay away for a while.” I held his hand pleading.
Finally, he agreed and whispered a small prayer for me and I walked away.
I took one last look at the yard and watched for a short moment where the ashes of Feli were, sighing deeply I went to the gate and straight to the road side to get a vehicle.
I had no idea where I was going to go but I figured I would take one step at a time, to start with, I got on a bus to Kafue, I had not visited my mother’s grave in years and I felt that was where I was to start from.
“Mama, am sorry I have not come to visit your resting place in years. It’s not only that I couldn’t but that I was so ashamed. I know I was wrong and I regret ever doing this to you, forgive me mama I beg you. I will work hard to be the kind of child you wanted from now on.
There is so much I wanted to tell you but it’s not easy since you cannot answer me back. I feel sad that my husband is going through a rough time right now and I only hope one day he will be able to look at me and say he still loves me. “ I cried at my mother`s grave spending more than an hour there then later on moved to Bright`s grave.
Satisfied I had talked to them enough, I went back to town and straight to find Ritah.
She was trying to yell and shout at me the time I got there, but all I did was go down on my knees.
“Am sorry my friend. Am so sorry for your brother. It was never my intention to kill him. I know you hate me but I came so that I ask for your forgiveness, I need it right now” I cried before her and she looked away I saw her wipe the tears from her face.
“What happened to the mighty Felicia? You are down now huh?” she teased looking at me tears in her eyes too.
“I got saved, they prayed for me and that thing is dead” I whispered looking down.
“I see, thank God for that and you can rest easy, I forgive you.” She spoke carelessly I knew she didn’t mean her words. But I thought it was not my own to make her forgive me so I stood up walking away.
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