Chapter 7

I had just walked into church when I notice my dad raising his hand to one of the ushers. I am late and that was part of my plan.

I didn’t want to meet any relatives before the funeral service, I don’t have time to pretend and chit chat with people who are more like strangers to me.

I roll my eyes seeing my aunt’s daughter staring at me with a surprised expression on her face.

I remember her very well because we were almost the same age, maybe she was 2 years older but she would steal my clothes every time they visit and would be friends with my half sister and sideline me and treat me as if I didn’t exist!

She tapped her other sister’s shoulder and whisper something to her before they both look at my direction.

I was startled when I heard my name being called in front as one of the people who will deliver speech.

I panic because I didn’t prepare anything. I will be speaking on behalf of her granddaughters.

Now I know why the usher was called on my arrival. I sigh deeply while listening my aunt praising her mother.

I am next on the list, if it wasn’t for my grandmother, I was going to reject this opportunity with so much pleasure!

When my aunt finished, I stood up from my chair and start walking to the front.

I was sitting at the back so it’s quiet far! The sound my heels are making, it’s like they are grabbing everyone’s attention!

I almost laugh thinking about Mellisa, she always says “a shoe’s volume empowers one” she was definitely right. I feel empowered.

As I approach my aunt, she’s looking at me with her lips parted, it’s like her mind is on freezing mode, she only handed the microphone to me after I stretched my hand asking for it.

I clear my throat before delivering my unprepared speech… People are shocked, they are looking at me as if they are seeing a ghost.

“When I found out that my grandmother had stage 4 ovarian cancer, I was crushed. I wasn’t afraid of death but I was afraid of losing her.

My grandmother was the type of woman that women wanted to be around because she was genuine. Being genuine is not something that you can fake. She was the kindest soul that I have ever known.

In my twenty four years of living, I never heard her whisper a negative word, not one complaint. Her smile would lit up the room.

I am so infinitely grateful to have known her, to have shared in her life of light, and to call myself her granddaughter. When my grandmother passed away last week, I was prepared.

You are never ready to say goodbye. De.ath is never easy. But with acceptance and love in our hearts, it is a manageable obstacle.

So today, instead of saying ‘goodbye’ to my grandmother, I choose to say ‘until we meet again…’”

I then handed the microphone to the master of ceremonies. I wanted to say more but the more I speak, the more I can’t control tears.

It’s better I leave everything here. As I walk few steps down the pulpit, I notice my dad and uncle calling me to come and sit in front.

I hesitated a bit before walking past as if I didn’t see or hear anything. I went back to my seat at the back and sat with ordinary people, far from any family members.

I know I come across as bitter and twisted but it isn’t all my fault.

I was still searching for a tissue when a hand offered, I grabbed it without looking at the person’s face, only after wiping my eyes and nose I realize that the person is no one other than the rapist himself!

My heart nearly stopped seeing him very close to me!

This means dad didn’t take any action against him, he even had a nerve to attend the funeral! I am fuming! I feel like the air is not enough for all of us so I grabbed my bag and attempt to walk out, but no!

I can’t give him satisfaction! This is my grandmother’s funeral not his relative!



We are now at the airport with kids. It pains my heart that we are leaving this province for good! I wonder why Planes are always delayed!

Kids are chasing each other and as usual, they are catching everyone’s attention! I am watching their every move making sure that they don’t leave my sight!

“I will give you anything you want, as long as you promise to stay!

I am prepared to transfer everything I own under your name… Amanda look, I’m not trying to bribe you but you are my only daughter and I can’t afford to lose you again.

I need you Amanda… please hear me out!” A voice says as I pull the trolley with our luggage… I froze in one spot.

“Mummy is this guy your daddy?” Andy’s voice echoes grabbing the passerby’s attention.

“I saw this big man in hospital the other day, did you see him mummy?” I cast my glance at her hoping that she would shut up but she runs to him…

“Andy!” Asanda calls harshly… “We don’t talk to strangers remember what mom and grandma said?

There are so many bad guys out there, what if he steals children?” Asanda’s voice is very firm as he speaks to his sister.

“Kids, please wait for mummy there.” I say pointing at where I will see them.

I watch as they uncomfortably move away with their worried little faces.

“I’m afraid we have to go, otherwise we are going to miss the flight.” I say seeing dad coming in front of me.

“I know I don’t deserve your forgiveness, but Amanda you are the only family I have now.

I made a mistake and I admit, I’m not asking you to forgive me but I’m asking you to stay.

I promise I won’t bother you, I promise will love you from a distance but bumping into you every now and again will do me better.

I have organized a place for you and the kids until the deal is finalized. Buying a house is a process I know but it won’t take long.”

I swallow, I don’t want to see him in front of me, that’s how much I resent him but I hate being the center of attention!

“Kids have to go to school, my leave is over, so we can’t stay… besides that, we have no other reason to stay.”

I finally speak and he looks down. “At least you have your precious wife and daughter on your side.

I have absolutely no one, the only person I was holding onto is my grandmother, she’s no more, hence, I have no life here.”

“You have me, we have each other. My wife and I are… no, let me not talk about it, I don’t want to sound petty plus it’s a long story.”
That’s probably the reason he’s persuading me to stay,

“Your aunts were hurt that you left without speaking to them on Saturday.”

“They wanted nothing to do with me when mom died.”

“Amanda can you give me a chance? Please… I am begging you.

I can kneel down if you want, just to show how much I am willing to have you stay..” He says already with his one knee down…

“Dad stop!” I say trying to stop him but he’s not listening… only when I attempt to leave he stands up and grab my hand.

I was still in a daze when a familiar voice shouted my name… we both stood and watched as Thulani approaches looking all sweaty…

“What are you doing here?” We both ask as if we are singing! My dad looks more annoyed than me!


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