TOO LATE : CHAPTER 1 – 10
Chapter 5
SLOAN POV
I finish the days homework at the library, knowing I won’t be able to concentrate once I step foot back in the house. When I first moved in with Asa, I was one night away from being evicted from the couch I was crashing on…not to mention all the other financial issues I dealt with. We had only been dating two months, but I had nowhere else to go.
That was over two years ago.
I knew based on the cars he drove and the size of his house that he had money. What I wasn’t sure of was whether or not it was old money, or if he was involved in something he shouldn’t be involved in. I had no idea it would be both. He hid it pretty well for the first couple of months, excusing his spending habits on the fact that he had a big inheritance. I believed him for a while. I had no choice but to believe him.
When people I didn’t know began showing up at odd hours of the night, and Asa only spoke to them behind closed doors, it became more and more obvious. He tried to explain his reasoning and swore he only sold “harmless” drugs to people who were going to find it somewhere else anyway. I didn’t want any part of it, so when he refused to stop, I left.
The only problem was, I had nowhere to go. I crashed on a few friends’ couches, but none of them had room or money to keep supporting me. I would have resorted to a homeless shelter before going back to Asa, but it wasn’t my life I was worried about. It was my little brother’s.
Stephen was born premature, and with a lot of mental health issues. He was receiving state funding for his care, but when that was cut off, I couldn’t risk him being sent back home. I didn’t want him back in that life, and I’d do anything to make sure he wasn’t a part of it ever again.
TOO LATE : CHAPTER 1 – 10
I was gone all of two weeks when I had nowhere else to turn back to other than Asa. Walking back through his doors and asking for his help was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. It was as if running back into his arms was the equivalent of relinquishing my self-respect. He let me move back in, but not without consequences.
Now that he knew exactly how much I had to depend on him, he stopped hiding his lifestyle. More and more people came over, transactions were out in the open rather than behind closed doors.
Now, there are constantly so many people in and out of the house that it’s difficult to differentiate between the people that live here, the people that crash here and complete strangers. Every night is a party, and every party is my nightmare.
Every week that passes, the atmosphere becomes more and more dangerous, and I want out more than ever. I’ve been working part-time on campus in the library, but they don’t have a student worker position for me this semester. I’m on a waiting list, and I’ve been applying for other jobs, trying desperately to add to my escape cash. It wouldn’t be so hard if it was just myself I had to care for, but with Stephen in the picture, it’ll take money that I don’t have. Money that I won’t have for a while.
In the meantime, I have to keep up appearances by acting like I still owe my life to Asa, when in reality, I feel like he’s ruining it. Don’t get me wrong, I do love him. I love who he used to be and who I still see small glimpses of when we’re in private. I love who I know he could be again someday, but I’m also not naïve. As many promises as he’s made me that he’s scaling down the business in preparation to get out, I know he won’t. I’ve tried to talk some sense into him, but when you’ve got the power in your hands and the money in your pocket, it’s hard to walk away. He’ll never walk away. He’ll either do this until he’s in prison….or until he’s dead. And I don’t want to be around for either.
I don’t even try to identify the vehicles in the driveway anymore. Every day there’s a new one. I park Asa’s car and grab my things, then head inside for another night of h’ll.
When I walk inside, the house is eerily quiet. I shut the door behind me and smile, relishing in the fact that everyone’s out back at the pool. I never get a chance for solitude, so I take advantage and put in my headphones and begin cleaning. I know it doesn’t sound like fun, but for me it’s my only chance to escape.
Not to mention, the house is a constant pigsty.
I start in the living room and throw away enough beer bottles to fill a thirty gallon trash bag. When I reach the kitchen and witness the mountain of dishes piled in the sink, I actually smile. This should waste at least an hour. I organize the dirty dishes to the left of the sink and begin filling the basin with water. I spin around and walk to the refrigerator while the sink fills up. I grab a soda and pop the top, then take a sip. I close my eyes and sway to the music spilling into my ears from the headphones. I haven’t felt so at peace in this house since the first two months I lived here. Back when the good Asa was around.
As soon as memories of the Asa I fell in love with flood my mind, I feel his arms go around me from behind and he begins swaying to the music with me. I smile and keep my eyes closed and wrap my hands in his, then lean back against his chest. He ksses my ear, then laces his fingers with mine and spins me around to face him. When I open my eyes, he’s smiling down at me with a genuinely sweet expression. I haven’t seen this look in his eyes in so long, it actually makes my heart ache, knowing how much I’ve missed it.
Maybe he really is trying. Maybe he’s tired of this life, too.
He takes my face in his hands and ksses me; a long, passionate kiss that I forgot he was even capable of. Lately, the only time I get kssed is when he’s on top of me in our be.d. I wrap my arms around his neck and kss him back. I kss him desperately. I kiss the old Asa, not knowing how long I’ll have him here with me like this.
He pulls the headphones out of my ears and breaks his mouth away from mine. “Somebody wants a continuation of this morning, huh?”
I kss him again and smile, nodding my head. I do. If this is the Asa that I’ll get in my bed, I actually do.
He puts his hands on my shoulders and laughs. “Not in front of the company, Sloan,” he teases.
Company?
I squeeze my eyes shut, scared to turn around, unaware that we were being observed this entire time.
“There’s someone I want you to meet,” he says. He spins me around and I open one eye, then the other, hoping the shock I feel in my stomach isn’t clearly sprawled across my face. Leaning up against the doorframe with his arms folded across his chest and a hard look in his eyes, is all six feet of Carter.
I gasp, mostly because he’s the last person I expected to see here. Standing in front of him now is suddenly more intimidating than sitting next to him in class this morning. He’s a lot taller than I thought; taller than Asa, even. He’s not as defined as Asa, but then again, Asa works out every day and based on the size of his biceps, probably dabbles in steroids. Carter is more naturally built, with a darker complexion and darker hair—and at the moment, very dark, angry eyes.
“Hey,” Carter says, easing his expression with a smile, extending his hand to me without a trace of recognition on his face. I realize he’s pretending not to know me for my own benefit—or perhaps for his own benefit, so I place my palm in his, introducing myself to him for the second time today.
“Sloan,” I say shakily, hoping he can’t feel my racing pulse through the palm of my hand. I cut the handshake short and pull back. “So how do you and Asa know each other?” I’m not sure I want to know the answer, but the question spills out of my mouth anyway.
Asa puts his arm around my waist and spins me in the other direction, away from Carter. “He’s my new business partner, and right now we’ve got business to conduct. Go clean somewhere else,” he says, patting me on the ass. I spin around and scowl at him, but not nearly as intense as the hatred spilling out of Carter’s eyes as he watches Asa.
I normally don’t push things with Asa, especially in front of other people, but I can’t help my temper right now. I’m furious at his cavalier attitude about bringing in someone else, despite the fact that he promised me he was getting out. I also can’t deny the fact that I’m pissed that it’s Carter. I’m angry at myself for developing a false first impression of him in class today. I thought I was better at reading people, but the fact that he’s involved with Asa shows me that I don’t know a dmn thing about reading people. He’s just like the rest of them–but I should expect it by now. As hard as I try–as hard as it was leaving my childhood home in order to get away from this same type of lifestyle, only to end up right back in it—it makes me feel ignorant.
How can I crave and work toward a normal life so incredibly bad, yet I keep falling right back in the middle of this sht? It’s a dmn cvrse.
“Asa,” I say, pleadingly. “You promised.” I toss my hand in Carter’s direction. “Hiring new people isn’t getting out…it’s getting in deeper.”
I feel hypocritical asking him to stop doing what he does. Every month I let him send a check for Stephen’s care with the same dirty money I wish he wasn’t making. But it’s easier for me to allow that, since it’s not for me. I’d take the dirtiest money there is if it meant my little brother would be taken care of.
TOO LATE : CHAPTER 1 – 10
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