TOO LATE : CHAPTER 11 – 20
Chapter 18
SLOAN POV..CONTINUED
I sigh and wipe away a rogue tear. “I do what I’m able to do, Carter. I can’t afford to worry about the what if’s.”
His eyes follow the tear down my cheek and then he lifts a hand to my face and wipes it away.
Of all the tears I’ve cried to Asa, he’s never once attempted to wipe them away.
“Come here,” Carter says, taking hold of my hand. He pulls me toward him as he scoots closer to me. I look down at his hand, holding on to mine, and I attempt to pull it back. He squeezes it and grabs my elbow with his other hand. “Come here,” he whispers soothingly, pulling me closer. He wraps his arms around me and guides my head to his shoulder. He squeezes me tightly, cradling my head with one of his hands. He presses his warm cheek against the top of my head and he holds me.
That’s all he does.
He doesn’t make excuses. He doesn’t lie and tell me everything will be okay, because we both know it won’t. He doesn’t make promises he won’t be able to keep like Asa does.
He just holds me out of nothing more than a simple desire to bring me comfort—and it’s the first time I’ve ever felt this.
I scoot closer and relax against him, listening to the sound of his heart beating rapidly inside his chest.
I close my eyes and try to imagine a time in my crazy, fked up life that I’ve ever felt cared about, but I come up empty.
I’ve been living on this earth for twenty years, and this is the first time I feel like someone actually gives a sht.
I clench his shirt in my fists and try again to scoot even closer to him, wanting to curl up inside of him and relish in this feeling forever. He lifts his cheek and his lips press lightly against the top of my head.
We remain clasped together, holding on to each other as if the fate of the world depends on this embrace.
The thin layer of his shirt is damp from the tears that are pouring down my cheeks. I don’t even know why I’m crying.
Maybe it’s because, until this moment, I had no idea what it felt like to be valued. What it felt like to be respected. Until this moment, I had no idea what it felt like to feel cared for.
No one should have to experience a life never feeling truly cared for—not even by the parents who created them. Yet I’ve lived that for twenty years now.
Until this moment.
TOO LATE : CHAPTER 11 – 20
CARTER-POV
I close my eyes and continue to hold her while she quietly cries against my chest. I hold her until dusk turns into dark and what was left of the light is engulfed by a blanket of stars.
I hold her until I hear a car about to turn on the street. I glance up, but they turn and go in the opposite direction. She remains pressed against my shirt, but the thought of Asa or even Dalton seeing me with her right now is at the forefront of my mind.
I shouldn’t be here comforting her. It can only cause more problems for her.
Because she’s right. I can’t save her. As much as I want to, we’re both stuck. I can’t risk ruining something that is so much bigger than just the two of us. I can’t sacrifice what it is I’m here to do for the sake of helping her leave. That’s something she’ll have to do on her own and when she’s financially able.
And every moment I hold her, every time I touch her hair, every time I grab her hand, every time I sit next to her in class, every time I put her in more and more of these harmless situations—I’m pushing her closer and closer to the edge of a cliff. If I don’t figure out how to back away from her…I’ll end up watching her fall.
I release my hold from around her and pull back, but she remains clutched to my shirt. I grab her hands and pull them away from me. She lifts her head and looks up at me, her eyes as red and swollen as I suddenly wish her lips were.
Stop thinking like this, Luke.
I stand up and she grabs at my shirt to pull me back, confusion rampant in her eyes.
“Let go,” I whisper.
Her hands fall to her lap and she breaks our stare. She pulls her feet up onto the bench and hugs the top of her knees, crying into her arms. Walking away from her is about to take all the strength I have.
“You’re right, Sloan,” I say as I back away from her. “I can’t save you.”
I turn around and begin walking back to my car, each step harder than the last. I don’t turn around when I open the door. I climb inside the car and drive to her house without once looking back.
When I walk through the front door, I can tell by the state of the living room and the noise from the backyard that this is going to be a long night.
I make my way through the house and to the backyard. There are several people scattered around. No one even looks up when I walk outside. There are four girls in the pool putting on a spectacle. Two of the girls have the other two girls perched up on their shoulders and they’re trying to knock each other off into the water. Jon and Dalton are standing beside the pool, beers in hand, cheering for whomever they’ve bet on.
..
Asa is sitting at the side of the pool with his feet dangling in the water. He isn’t staring at the girls. He’s staring straight at me—eyes hard and suspicious. I nod in his direction, acting oblivious to the look in his eye.
Dalton sees me and says, “Carter!” He rushes around the pool, unsteady on his feet. He’s laughing the whole time, spilling half his beer. When he reaches me, he wraps his arm around me and leans in.
“Don’t worry, I’m not as fucked up as I look,” he says. “Did you get anything out of Sloan?”
I pull back and eye him. “How did you know I was with Sloan?”
He chuckles. “I didn’t. But good job,” he says, squeezing my shoulder. “You work fast. I think she knows more than we think she does.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think she knows shit,” I tell him. “Focusing on her will be a waste of our time.”
I glance over Dalton’s shoulder and Asa is staring at us. He pulls his feet out of the water and stands up.
“He’s coming over here,” I say.
Dalton raises an eyebrow and then backs away, raising his beer in the air. He grins and spins around, “A hundred bucks says I can stay under water longer than any of you fks!”
Jon immediately takes him up on the bet. They throw their beers aside and dive into the pool.
Asa walks toward me and then straight past me as he makes his way into the house, never once making eye contact with me.
I don’t know what unnerves me more. The fact that I’m suspicious of every move he makes or the fact that he seems suspicious of me.
TOO LATE : CHAPTER 11 – 20
SLOAN- POV
It took me half an hour after Carter walked away to finally regain my composure enough to pack my things and walk back home. It’s been ten minutes since I reached the edge of my dark driveway. I’ve been staring at the pavement, following the winding path with my eyes.
It would be so easy to keep walking. There’s nothing in that house I want. Nothing I even need. I could keep walking along the pavement until I’m too far to turn back.
I wish it were as easy as it sounds, but once again…it’s not just about me. And no one but me is going to be able to change any of this.
Carter can’t save me. Asa sure as h’ll isn’t going to save me. I just need to continue saving my money until I have enough to make it on my own and bring my brother with me.
I take a step onto the grass, toward the house, but I hesitate. It’s the last place I want to be right now. I want to be back at the park, back on the bench, back in Carter’s arms.
I want that feeling again, but I’m ashamed to admit I want more than that, too. I want to know what it feels like to be kssed by someone who respects me.
Just having that thought makes me feel incredibly guilty. To my knowledge, Asa is faithful to me. He provides for me. He takes care of my brother financially…a responsibility that isn’t even his.
He does this because he loves me and he knows I want to see my brother happy. I can’t discredit that. It’s more than anyone has ever done for me in my entire life.
I throw my backpack of completed homework in Asa’s car and walk through the front door. I just keep walking until I get to the kitchen. I’ll do like I do every night and take something to eat and drink up to my room.
I’ll stay there alone and try to sleep amidst the sound of music and laughter and sometimes the occasional muffled screams. I’ll fall asleep and hope that Asa gives me at least four good hours before he wakes me up again.
I set the timer on the microwave and fill my cup with ice. I shut the freezer and go to open the refrigerator door when the familiar handwriting on the dry erase board catches my eye. My breath hitches when I read it.
Worries flow from her lips like the random words that flow from her fingertips. I reach out and try to catch them, clenching them in my fists, wanting nothing more than to catch them all.
I look at his words, written clearly out in the open for anyone to see, but I know they’re meant only for me. It’s obvious he played the game wrong. He actually thought about what he was going to say before he wrote it this time. Cheater.
I erase the words, but not before imprinting them on my mind. I pick up the marker and press it to the dry erase board.
TOO LATE : CHAPTER 11 – 20
ASA- POV
My hands are wet from sweat. The air conditioner is broken again and it’s too hot to go outside. I run my sweaty palm along the leather arm of the couch, leaving a streak of sweat behind the path of my hand.
I wonder where sweat comes from?
I wonder where leather comes from?
My mother told me it’s made from cows, but I know she’s a liar, so I don’t believe her. How could leather be made out of cows? I’ve touched a cow before and they’re sort of fuzzy.
They don’t look like leather to me. Leather looks more like it’s made from dinosaurs than cows.
TOO LATE : CHAPTER 11 – 20
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