WHEN I FALL ? ?
BY RUTHIE LEE ? ?
EPISODE 39
I was talking with Martins on the phone, telling him to proceed with the business plans without me and with Mr. Gilbert, that I won’t be able to come to work for some days.
As I spoke, Kathleen watched me from the couch she was sitting, her stomach had grow over the weeks again and believe me, it was scary.. As it grew, she was getting skinny. Her stomach will be visible if she’s putting on a tank top or a tight top, but nothing would show if she’s putting on a sweater.
“I don’t know what’s going on in that home of yours Joseph, but I hope you come to work sooner or later.” Martin said.
“Sure” I nodded and hanged up.
I turned to Kathleen and she seemed concentrated in me than the apple in her hand.
Mary was laying beside her, her head on Kathleen’s thigh and she was talking to herself in her own baby words.
I looked at Kathleen and she was different than the Kathleen I first met. She was still pretty but her face was more boney than ever, her cheek which used to be full had become less full and you could easily detect where her joints starts and ends from her body.
What the h.ell is happening. Is what ymir saying about how she won’t survive with this child coming to past.
“Joseph!” Kathleen scoffed . “Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.
I quickly shook my head, “nothing” I Laughed.
“Are you going to complain about how skinny i am again?” she raised her brows and I shook my head Negatively.
I sighed and walked closer to her. “But don’t you think you’re getting way too skinny, I think you should listen to ymir and..
“And what?” she cut me off angrily.
And did I forget to mention she gets really angry these days and throws tantrums even at the smallest issue? She changes mood every minute of the day, but I know it’s not her fault, it’s all that baby.
“Give up on the baby” I continued with my words.
She gasped and glared at me. “Give up on the baby?” she repeated.
I sighed. “Yeah.”
She glanced at the roof and then at me. Her eyes had become glossy. “You don’t know what this child means to me.”
And here we go with the sadness.
“Look I understand but you need to care about yourself too.” I added.
“Well, what if I don’t want to care about myself!” she yelled and Mary flinched and her eyes dart to Kathleen.
Kathleen held onto Mary and sighed.
“I don’t want to talk about this, just leave me alone.”
Leave her alone?
“Sure. Fine! Whatever.” I stated and walked away.
Days like this, I rather stay by myself than be in her angry shoes. Mary spends more time around her than with me and I don’t know anymore, I don’t even know where my life is heading anymore, I’m not sure about Kathleen and the baby, I’m just so worried and scared.
That evening Kathleen barely talked to me, even at dinner, she won’t let me even touch Mary, it was funny because it was cute, and I know she’ll get over it soon.
And just like I thought, Kathleen was calm during nighttime, while Mary was asleep, she walked into the room with a sigh, she turned to me.
“I’m sorry!” she apologized.
“For what?” I asked knowing exactly what she was sorry for.
“For today.” she stated walking up to me and sitting beside me on the b.ed.
“Today? What happened today?” I wanted to joke around, but she wasn’t in a joking mood at that moment.
“Sir, Joseph” she sighed. “I don’t like when you look at me that way.” she said.
I turned to her. “Look at you? In what way?”.
How do I look at her, I don’t understand what she’s talking about, or how else have I looked at her.
“You… You look at me like I’m going to fall, break or die any minute, you look at me like… I don’t even know how to explain myself.”
She was getting furious.
She bit her bottom lip and I think she was trying to refrain herself from getting angry and yelling.
“I… Had no idea.” I sincerely said.
“Of course you wouldn’t, I’ve been so glad since I was pregn@nt, why? Because it belongs to you, do you know how long I’ve been wanting to have my own child, and the one that belongs to you too!” Kathleen sniffed.
I was quiet, I literally didn’t know what to say.
“You And Ymir, you’re both just pressuring me, fine, I know she has witnessed something like this before and just because something bad happened to her mom, doesn’t mean it’s going to happen to me too, Ymir can discourage me but no, not you sir, Joseph, you’re supposed to be my supporter, tell me it’s going to be okay, if even it’s not going to be or if it’s going to be. Encourage, show me your strength so I can lean on it” Kathleen was crying now.
“Honesty Ymir, is making me scared with her words, I want to listen to every of her words about me not surviving and still choose to ignore, I want to stay positive, and I need you to be on my side.” Kathleen sniffed.
That’s right!
She’s right.
I’ve been stupid and I can’t believe I’m just realising that now, no one, not even me can force Kathleen to abort this child, and since I can’t do that, what I need to do is to lend her my own strength, give her full support so we can get through this together.
I quickly hugged her from the side and gently pat her shoulder.
“I’ve been wrong!” I said to her calmly.
“And I’m sorry,” I added.
“It’s okay” she sniffed on my shirt.
“I promise to give you anything, even if it’s the last strength in me.” I said and she cried even more.
I pat her shoulder and rubbed her back.
“It’s okay, everything is going to be fine.” I tell her.
“I love you, Kath, be strong!”
She stopped crying and moved back.
Her nose was suddenly red from crying and she dried her eyes with her fingers.
“Wh..what’s wrong?” i asked.
“You just said you love me.” she said and as she dried her tears, more came dropping on her fingers.
“It’s the first time, you’ve never said I love you to me before.” she seemed thrilled talking about it, but with tears falling freely form her eyes.
I smiled. “Of course I haven’t, and had no idea because I thought I’ve always said it to you, because it’s always at the centre of my mind and I’m going to say it again. I love you Kathleen, and I need you to be strong for me, I need you, Mary needs you and of course, it needs you.” I glanced at her stomach in the last sentence and she smiled.
She seemed like she was about to more all her tears out at that moment.
“Don’t you dare go for another round of tears” I threatned playfully and she laughed making a tear drop.
I gave a small peck on her lips but she grabbed my face and reciprocated the action but taking her own to what we call intense.
That night we night slept soundly and happy.
Yeah we’re ready to go through this baby phase and before we know it. It’s going to be over and everyone one is going to be happy, I should be the best supporter to Kathleen.
.
The next morning, a heavy knock woke Mary and I from our deep sleeps, and I had to attend to Mary, after patting her back once again, she fell asleep.
I walked to the door and opened it to see my doctor, doctor Liam standing in front of my door adjusting his glasses, his lab coat on his shoulder and his briefcase in his hand.
“Oh come in Liam” I said and he smiled and walked in
“Good morning” I said.
“Good morning dear Joseph” Doctor Liam said and he seemed to be in a really good mood. More of an exciting mood.
“And may I ask why you’re in such a glorious mood?” I smiled.
“Oh I’m so glad you asked, the girl in which I drew her blood yesterday, I went back to my lab, even though you didn’t accept my result saying my computer produced fake result, I still managed to work on the blood test and you wouldn’t believe what you found out about it. ”
Oh no.
.
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