WHITE!!!!;The color of your heart???????????
(A wall flower’s guide to finding God)
Chapter 22
(Crisis)
I lay in my room, my mind and heart racing.
What on Earth was Sean’s problem?
It had been almost a week now since our kss, and could you believe that the boy hadn’t contacted me at all since then, neither had he picked my calls nor replied my messages.
Was there something wrong with him? Was he a baby?
A part of told me that I had messed up, and that I should apologize to him, but I bit my lip stubbornly.
Apologize for what? For kssing him? When he had kssed me back?
I turned on my bed gruffly.
I missed him already, and the fact that he wasn’t talking to me was already making me anxious.
But the stubborn spirit in me refused to let me give in and apologize. No way was I going to be the first one to cave.
I had confronted Dupe that very night, telling her that her plan had backfired and that Sean had run away from me.
“But did he kss you back?” She asked, her voice low.
“Y-yes. He did.”
“Exactly. Don’t worry too much my dear. He’s probably just as green as you are. He will come back to you eventually, when he realizes he wants more.”
I gulped at the thought, my mouth going dry.
“So? How did it feel?”
My cheeks grew hot.
“It….it was better than anything I have ever experienced before.”
Dupe burst into laughter.
“Hmm mmm!!! See her mouth! Anyway, it’s good, it’s good. And trust me, doing the other thing feels much better…..”
I scrunched up my face.
“No. I-I’m not planning on sleeping with him. That would be a sin.”
Dupe had given me a very annoyed and hateful look.
“So you have joined the Feyikemi gang of holiness is that it? So are you judging me thinking you are better?”
“N-no….that’s not what I….”
“So what did you think was going to happen after kssing him? Did you think his mind was going to remain on kssing alone? What did you think I meant by him asking for more? Mmmtchewww. Ilerioluwa. I thought you were smarter than this.”
I had tried to pacify her again, but she had instead gotten angry and ignored me for the rest of that day.
I sighed and turned on my bed again.
It felt like things were getting complicated and totally out of hand. I was confused, and I didn’t know what to do.
I didn’t want Dupe to think I was stupid. Not when she understood me more than Feyikemi. Not when she was someone that had been through what I had been through too.
Was having s*x with Sean really the only way to solve this?
Would that be the only way to keep him for myself as Dupe said?
It still felt wrong.
G0sh.
What do I do?
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“The gospel of Christ is not “taught” in Church, or Sunday school, but rather through revelation by our Lord Jesus Christ Himself. That is why we see many “church-goers” and so called Christians, even men of God falling to sin everyday. We cannot understand the gospel without a personal revelation from God, and we can only do that when we have a relationship with him. Anything other than that, and we are merely scratching the surface as visitors…….”
Feyikemi sat in the church building for the Wednesday service, listening ardently to the words of the man of God.
She jotted what he had said down fervently, and her mind immediately went to her friend, Ilerioluwa.
Ilerioluwa had been her friend since they were both probably in diapers.
She was her closest and oldest friend, and as such she cared for her well being very much.
Ilerioluwa had a character that Feyikemi never really understood, but she always tried to be patient with her, because with people like her, if you snapped at them or got angry, they would immediately close up and might not speak to you again.
But there were times she just wanted to pull Ileri’s head and knock some Sense into it. There were times she just wanted to give up trying to get through to her.
But during those times, she always remembered that she had also once been a difficult child who gave her parents problems, so she had no right to judge or be fed up of Ilerioluwa being the way that she was.
But lately, it felt like something was going on.
Feyikemi couldn’t shake the nagging feeling of uneasiness in her chest, and most of it was directed towards Ilerioluwa.
She knew that her friend was probably the kind of person that youth pastor was talking about on the podium right now, the people who haven’t yet received the revelation of the holy spirit and only go to church for going sake.
Many a times she had caught Ileri using her phone or dozing while service was going on, but in order not to sound like a hypocrite or end of sounding like a nagger, she always kept her mouth shut.
But recently, the feeling of uneasiness was so great, and no matter how hard she prayed about it, it wasn’t going away.
It felt most like…..like God was trying to warn her about Ilerioluwa.
But warn her for what?
She had watched her friend for awhile.
What could Ileri possibly be doing or thinking of doing that was giving her unease like this?
Then, a few days later, Ileri had asked her about kssing.
Feyikemi had thought nothing of it, until hours later, but she had dismissed her worries, saying that Ileri was too shy to talk to boys, let alone kss them. She had nothing to worry about.
“Hallelujah.”
Feyikemi looked up at the sound and realized that she had been lost in thought for the remainder of the service. She sighed. She would have to but the audio tape and listen to it later on.
As she gathered her things to leave, she spotted a familiar looking boy kneeling at the altar, praying.
She smiled, then took a seat behind him, and waited for him to be done.
He finished, and when he turned to see her, his eyes were stained with tears.
She smiled. He must have really had a lot to share with God.
“Hello? Sean? Do you remember me?”
The boy creased his brows, before relaxing them in realization.
“Ah, yes. You’re Feyikemi, Ileri’s friend.”
Feyikemi stood up and extended her hand.
“Nice to meet you again. How was the message?”
Sean shook her hand.
“Uplifting.” He responded curtly.
Feyikemi took him in. He looked troubled, and she could feel in her spirit that all was not well.
‘Ask him what’s wrong.’
The familiar still voice said in her heart.
‘But holy spirit, I don’t know him that well. Wouldn’t asking him about his life be prying or amebo?’ She protested.
The still voice was silent.
Feyikemi smiled again, trying to hide the feeling of uneasiness that had once again enveloped her.
“So, how are things with you and Ileri? I hear you guys have gotten along well.” She added, smiling cheekily.
She watched the tall boy’s shoulders flinch, and his face tensed.
“Fine.” He responded again. Curtly and uncomfortably.
“Ahn ahn. That’s not an enthusiastic response. Did you guys fight?”
The boy faced her and the look on his face only made Feyikemi’s discomfort rise.
He smiled sadly.
“Of course she wouldn’t tell you before doing something as stupid as that.” He whispered.
Feyikemi creased her brows.
What on Earth did he mean?
“Sorry? I don’t really…..”
“I have to go now.”
Before she could say Jack Robinson, Sean had walked off.
Feyikemi stood helplessly at the altar.
Why didn’t she just listen to the holy spirit and ask Sean what was wrong? Why did she argue?
Something was definitely going on.
And she didn’t like it one bit.
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