? Wingless And Beautiful
Episode 4
“I know. You don’t strike me as dangerous. Mental,
maybe. But harmless, nonetheless,” he said. “But then again… if you weren’t kidding, I’m not stopping you either.”
“Seriously, what’s wrong with you?” I asked.
He sighed. “If you’ve lost as much as I did… there’s
nothing much going on for you.”
I sighed. Who was he to talk about losing a lot in life? I
lost everything and yet… the only thing I did was cave in…
keep it all inside me, because that was the only way I knew
how to survive. Repress the memories.
Run away from the nightmare and the pain. But I never thought about giving up the fight. It never even crossed my mind.
“You’re not the only one who lost a lot in life,” I argued,
misery enveloping my voice. I don’t know if he noticed.
“But at least you could still see the things you have
left,” he argued back.
I took a deep breath. “Seeing them is not always a gift,”
I murmured. “Because it also reminds you of the things that
you can never see anymore. It will always remind you of the
things that you used to have… the people who used to be
with you and were… not there anymore.”
For a long while he fell silent, absorbing the words I just said. Then he asked, “What’s your name?”
“Allison. Allison Harley,” I replied. “What’s yours?”
“Hunter Vaughn.” He extended his hand to me.
I reached forward and shook it. “Nice to meet you,
Hunter.”
After a while, we were both quiet again. I was staring at
the view in front of us… Hunter was listening to every sound
around him.
I couldn’t help feeling safe here… in this place. It looked
like a different world for me. And it gave me the real peace
that I had been craving for, for more than a year.
I didn’t mind that I was not alone. Hunter was lost in his
thoughts, too. And he never interrupted mine.
I felt comfortable that way. No one was looking at me
and whispering behind my back.
No one around me was curious about the scars I was hiding and the h©rrific story
behind them. I was not being judged or pitied on. I was not
being pressured to open up about the things I bottled up
inside.
No one was telling me that it was okay for me to cry…
saying that they felt sorry for me and they understood
exactly how I felt… because he..ll! They didn’t! They did not go through the things I went through.
They didn’t go through all the pain and the abuse. They weren’t rescued from that nightmare only to wake up and find out that another one was just beginning.
No one was telling me that everything was going to be
just fine… because how could it be? The two people I loved
the most in the world were gone.
Things will never be the
same. Things were most certainly not going to be okay!
My phone suddenly rang, interrupting my thoughts. It
was Meredith.
“Alice, where are you? It’s time to go home. I have to
finish some reports.”
“Okay. Meet you in the parking lot in a few minutes,” I
replied.
I turned to Hunter. Although he was not looking at me
directly, his face was inclined to my direction, indicating
that he was listening.
“That was my aunt,” I said. “I have to go.”
He stood up from the bench and gathered his walking
stick. “I’ll walk you back.”
I found his statement both endearing and surprising. For
a guy in his state to offer chivalry was indeed… rare.
“Really… it’s okay,” I said. “I can make it back.”
“Nonsense. You might get lost,” he insisted, and this
time, I heard amusement in his voice.
We walked side by side in silence. With all fairness to
Hunter, he didn’t look like he needed a walking stick at all;
he looked agile and it seemed like he memorized every step
of the path.
“How often do you come here?” I asked.
“At least two times a day… for the last two hundred
days,” he replied.
“No wonder you’ve memorized the way. How did you
even discover it?”
“Did you hear anybody say that when you lose one
sense, your other senses try to make up for it? I didn’t know
it was true until I got to experience it.”
“If… if you don’t mind me asking… how long have you
been…” I trailed off.
“Almost a year,” he replied. I didn’t miss the bitterness
in his voice.
I couldn’t help reaching out for his hand and squeezing
it. “I’m sorry,” I said very gently.
He squeezed my hand back. “I am too.”
I released his hand and we walked in silence again. We
finally reached the grounds of the center.
“It was nice meeting you, Hunter Vaughn.”
“It was nice meeting you too, Allison Harley.” He paused
for a while and asked, “You said, you weren’t from here. So
what were you doing here? Were you visiting someone?”
“No,” I replied. “My aunt volunteers here at least twice a week.
Today, she pestered me to come with her. She was afraid that if I don’t talk to anybody soon, I would… lose it.”
“They don’t understand that if they force you to lose the
lid on the emotions you bottle up inside… you actually will
end up losing it,” he said, but I knew he was speaking about
his own emotions… not mine.
I realized that Hunter and I… we’re not so different.
We were both angry. And staying away from the world of people
with perfect lives was the only way we knew how to cope up
with the pain.
Repressing misery and keeping it at bay were the only way we could get hold of the rage that we felt inside.
“Will you come back tomorrow, Allison?” he asked.
I nodded even though I know he couldn’t see me.
For some reason, he knew what my answer was. I saw a
faint smile cross his face.
“Then you know where to find
me,” he said before he turned to walk back inside the
building.
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