BLAME IT ON THE PAIN : EPISODE 21 – 30
EPISODE 27
After that day in the interrogation room, Ford remained an integral part of my childhood.
He came around every other weekend and whisked me away for a few hours during another one of my mother’s drunken binges.
He tried persuading her to go to rehab, so many times I lost count; but as usual, she insisted that she didn’t have a problem and that if he wanted to continue spending time with me he needed to mind his own business.
He attended every recital, every sporting event, and even a few parent- teacher conferences.
At least, he did until I turned 15.
After that, he seldom came around and I didn’t understand why.
One time, he mumbled something about it no longer being appropriate for us to spend so much time with one another, and I thought my heart was going to shatter into a million pieces.
Before he drove away from my tear stained face that day, he promised me that he would always be in my life.
I hated that he was purposely distancing himself from me, but to his credit, he did text me a few times a week. And he still made it a point to see me in person during the two days leading up to my birthday.
Those were always the hardest for me for obvious reasons.
BLAME IT ON THE PAIN : EPISODE 21 – 30
***
I’ll never forget the night of my 17th birthday.
I had gotten into another ho..rrible fi ght with my mother and John. One of the worst ones to date. I found out that he officially moved in with us.
After hours of persuading and guilting Ford into coming to see me, he finally relented.
He pulled up in a shiny new BMW. The color matching his dark blue eyes perfectly.
I let out a whistle when I saw it and those perfect teeth of his flashed me a movie star grin. “You like?”
“I do. It’s gorgeous.”
He opened the driver side door and threw the keys at me. “Let’s go. You drive.”
I stared at him, too stunned to speak. “What’s with the look? You are 17 now.” He winked. “I trust you not to crash my baby. Now get over here.”
I bit my lip and walked over to his side of the car.
He got out and stood before me, his large frame towering over me. His eyes briefly scanned over my body before he looked away. “Jesus, what the h’ll are they putting in the milk these days,” he muttered.
“What are you talking about?”
He coughed before looking at me again. “It’s just…you look so grown up compared to when I last saw you. I can’t believe your mother lets you out of the house looking like that.”
I smoothed over the micro denim mini skirt that I wore especially for him.
I didn’t usually wear suggestive clothing, but I wanted to look different.
I wanted Ford to see me as a woman, instead of some silly teenager. “Looking like what, Ford? It’s been an entire year since I last saw you, of course, I grew up.”
His gaze lingered over my legs. “Yeah, I guess you did.”
He walked over to the passenger side door. “You gonna be able to drive in those heels, ki ller?”
I smirked. “I’ll manage.”
Since I was the driver, and the destination was my choice—I knew exactly where I wanted to take him.
“Out of all the places to go to. You chose this place. On your birthday.”
The stars lit up the night time sky and the sound of water crashing against the docks hovered in the distance as I parked the car.
I chewed on my thumbnail. “I haven’t been back here since it happened. And there’s no one in the world I trust to come here with but you.”
“I haven’t been here since that day either,” he confessed.
I leaned against the headrest and pushed my seat back. “Do you think he would be proud of me?”
Ford reached for my hand. “Of course, he would. Why would you think otherwise?”
“Sometimes I think he would be mad that I didn’t stop my mother from turning into an alcoholic. That I should have prevented it.”
Before Ford could interject I added, “Sometimes I think he blames me for causing his death. All because I pulled that stupid stunt. God, I was such a brat. What the h’ll was I thinking?”
His fingers linked with mine. “You were a child, Alyssa. It wasn’t your fault and he would never blame you. He loved you.”
I squeezed my eyes shut and tuned out his words. “She still cries over him. Usually, it’s after John has gone to bed and she thinks no one can hear her. But I can. I always can. H”ll, sometimes I cry with her.”
“Sweetheart—” he started.
I cleared my throat and opened my eyes. “So, anyway. What’s new with you?”
He drew back his hand and ran it along his jaw. “Well, I met someone.”
“Oh?” I said, hoping my true feelings over his statement wouldn’t show.
It felt like he tossed my heart in a blender and pressed ‘puree.’ Twice.
“Yeah. She’s a doll, too. She’s a nurse in the ER over at Columbia.”
I gritted my teeth. “A nurse, how sweet.”
Obviously not picking up on my sarcasm, he continued, “Yeah. She is. Better than the last relationship I had. What a disaster that was. I’m thinking it’s time for this old dog to settle down. Make an honest woman out of someone.”
“You’re not old,” I muttered. He laughed. “I’m 35. That’s like ancient to most teenagers.”
I played with a strand of my hair. “I’m not like most teenagers, Ford.”
He stared at me for a beat and swallowed. “No. No, you’re not. You’ve been through more sht than most adults have in an entire lifetime.”
“So what’s this nurse’s name?” I interrupted.
“Penelope.”
“That’s a stupid name,” I said through clenched teeth.
In all honesty, it wouldn’t have mattered what her name was, I still would have hated it.
He chuckled. “It’s a bit of a mouthful, I suppose.”
I glared at him. “Does she put out?”
He looked taken back. “I don’t think that’s any of your business. You don’t hear me asking if you’ve given it up to Tony, now do you?”
I spun around in my seat. “His name’s Toby.” I crossed my arms. “And for your information- No, I haven’t given it up yet. I want it to be special.”
He nodded, relief flashing across his face. “That’s good. It should be special—” he started to say before I cut him off.
“But I’ve given him one h’ll of a bIowj.ob.”
“Christ, Alyssa. What the h’ll is the matter with you?”
“You!” I shouted. “You left me, Ford. I needed you and you weren’t there. You were all I had to depend on after mom went off the deep end. You were the only good thing I had left. Especially after John entered our lives.”
He sat up straight. “Has that id!ot touched you? I swear to God, I’ll ki ll him.”
I rolled my eyes. “No. I just don’t trust him is all. He’s not a good guy. Especially now that he’s living with us and controlling mom’s every move.”
“Sht, she let him move in? You know you can tell me if he steps out of line with you or your mother. Right?”
“Yeah.”
We stayed silent for what felt like hours before I finally gathered enough strength to ask him. “Why did you leave me? Why did you go away?”
“I told you. Our relationship wasn’t appropriate. People were going to talk and assume things about us, about me.”
I slammed the steering wheel with my hand. “So let them. Who the fk cares what other people say.”
“It’s not that simple, Alyssa.”
BLAME IT ON THE PAIN : EPISODE 21 – 30
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