BLAME IT ON THE PAIN : EPISODE 41 – 50

EPISODE 50

(Alyssa)

After a few hours, I’m calmer than I was and I proceed to close up the bar.

I’m shutting the door when a large black boot lodges itself in the door frame, preventing me from shutting it all the way.

I look up and stifle a scream when I see a large figure standing before me dressed in a black hoodie and jeans. Their hood is pulled up and since it’s dark out, I can’t make out their face.

They tilt their face slightly and the light from the streetlight catches illuminating their features.

Jackson’s normally gray eyes are the darkest I’ve ever seen them.

He pushes the door open and I immediately start to back away because I can honestly say, he’s scaring the sht out of me.

He doesn’t say a word to me, he just slams the door shut behind him and starts dead bolting it. Then he grabs my arm and nudges me toward the alarm.

With shaky fingers, I reach up and set it. I briefly contemplate pressing the panic button and informing the alarm company about a break in because I just don’t know what he’s playing at or what his deal is right now.

He seems to sense my thoughts because he leans down and whispers,“Go ahead. I dare you,” in my ear.

I take a few steps back wishing that I hadn’t already turned all the lights in the bar off.

I steel myself and lift my chin. His little game has gone on long enough as far as I’m concerned. “Why are you here, Jackson?”

He takes a step forward and I take a step back. His large frame is looming over me and I’ve never felt smaller in my whole entire life.

He gives me a smile that reminds me of a ¢razed ki ller, albeit a very hot one. “Why am I here?” he repeats. “Are you saying that I’m not allowed to be here?”

I fold my arms across my chest and glare at him. “I..um. Y-yeah.”

Good job Alyssa, your intimidation level is equivalent to that of a puppy.

Jackson rubs his jaw. “Good thing I don’t give a fk then, huh?”

I open my mouth to say something, but he cuts me off by shouting, “Just like you didn’t give a fk when you went down to the fi ght club tonight, and I specifically told you not to ever go there.”

He takes another step forward. “You promised me that you wouldn’t.”

“I’m s-sorry,” I stutter. “Look, you’re really starting to scare me, Jackson.”

He smirks, takes another step forward and removes his belt, which both terrifies and excites me. “I thought you liked danger, Alyssa? You sure put yourself in harms way tonight.”

I shake my head. “No one attacked me this time.”

“This time,” he mocks before his expression turns serious. “Do you remember what I told you to do tonight?”

“Well, yeah but you can’t actually be serious—” I start to say until the crack of his belt against the wooden table causes me to jump.

“Oh, I’m very serious. As serious as you were when you walked into that club tonight. You have 30 seconds,” he sneers.

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at this point. Where exactly does he expect me to run to? Especially when he dead bolted the doors?

When I still haven’t moved, his eyes narrow. “15 seconds. I suggest you do what I told you to now, Alyssa. You’re only making it harder on yourself.”

Since it would take me twice as long to run up the stairs to my apartment, I take off in the direction of the bathrooms.

I fly through the swinging doors and fi ght to catch my breath. I debate hiding in one of the stalls, but mere seconds later Jackson enters the bathroom.

I shouldn’t feel so turned on over this little cat and mouse game he started but I am.

I’m nervous too because he’s never acted like this with me before.

He begins walking toward me and I notice that he’s stripped off his hoodie. I also see the few bruises on his face from the fi ght. I instinctively reach up to touch his face, but he bats away my hand and grips my ponytail while backing me into the stall door.

“What are you doing, Jackson?”

He pulls my hair tighter. “Trying to figure out the proper way to punish you so you don’t pull this sht again.”

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’ve learned my lesson.”

He presses me against the stall. “Not okay. You make me a promise you fking keep it, understand me?”

“I won’t show up at the club again. I promise,” I say. My vision gets blurry and I want to kick myself for giving into my emotions right now. But I know there’s no point in fighting them.

I draw in a shaky breath. “Believe me, there’s nothing you could do to me that would ever be worse than thinking you were seriously hurt in that cage. It was the second worst experience of my entire life.” I close my eyes. “So go ahead, Jackson. Do your worst. I can take it.”

His mo uth smashes against mine with so much force I’m certain my lips will be bruised, but I don’t care. It’s the most violent kss I’ve ever had and the passion flowing through us both right now is enough to bring me to my knees.

Before I know it, he’s dragging me until we’re stopped in front of the mirrors and he’s directly in back of me.

He lifts my sh lrt up and his fingers trail down my abdomen before he flicks open the bu tton on my jeans.

I’m about to close my eyes, but he shakes his head and whispers, “Watch,” deep and low in my ear. His hand moves ins ide my jeans, brushing over the d amp fabric of my p antles.

The sight of his large h and ins ide my p ants is enough to make me blush. It’s such an sight and I’m so wound up I feel like a slingshot that’s about to launch into outer space. That feeling only grows when he pu shes my je ans down lower, along with my p antles, leaving me completely exposed to him.

Embarrassment courses through me when he sIips one of his flngers ins ide mve and we both hear just how w et I am. He cusses under his breath as he begins slowly moving de ep ins ide.

I’ve never been more turned on in my entire life, but I really need him to know something before we take this any further.

“I didn’t sIeep with Ford that night. I ki¢ked him out of my life and I haven’t seen him since. I only want you.”

The sting from his other hand sIapping my as s causes me to jump.

“Don’t ever and I mean, ever utter another man’s name while my flngers are inside you.”
“I’m sorry,” I say frantically. “I just wanted you to know that Ford—” I’m cut off by another sharp wha ¢k across my as s. This time, it sends a jolt of plea sure up my spine.

“What did I say?” Jackson warns, his voice harsh and rough.

“You want me?” he says, his breath tlckling my ear. “Well, you have me. But it comes with contingencies, now.”

I open my mouth to find out what he means but he leans down and bltes my ne ¢k. “I’ve tried going easy on you. I treated you like you were fragile before. I thought that’s what you needed. But not this time, Alyssa. I’m not gonna treat you like you’re some sad, broken, and damaged damsel…because you’re not, are you?”

“No—” I start to say but it’s cut off by my mo an when he flicks my ¢Iit. “Glad we reached an understanding. Now start rlding my flngers until you come like a good girl.”

His words light me on flre and I reach up and snake my arm around his ne¢k as I begin doing what he told me to.

But then my ple asure crumbles because although I’ve been working on myself and changing for the better, there’s still some things that haven’t completely gone away.

BLAME IT ON THE PAIN : EPISODE 41 – 50

If I thought my first come was intense, it has nothing on this one. I’m in a whole other world, so far off the beaten path that all I feel is Jackson. He’s permeating every sense of mine. I twitch so hard Jackson has to hold my h ips so I don’t fall and I scream his name like it’s the last word I’ll ever say in this lifetime.

All my feelings for him flood through me at that moment, I think about how I felt just hours ago when I saw him in that cage. When I thought I might lose him forever. I need him to know how I feel, I need him to know how much he means to me. “I love you, Jackson,” I whisper.

He lifts his head, wipes his chin and stands up. The look on his face is like nothing I’ve ever seen before and I’m not sure what it means.

My heart is beating so hard, I feel like I’m about to faint, but I know I need to do this.

One of the things I will always remember the most about my father was how much he loved me. He gave me the gift of unconditional love for 10 years, and although I lost my way after he died and it got buried with my shame over the sx tape, and my toxic relationship with Ford, I remember now how special it was to know and feel that.

I look him in the eyes this time. “I love you, Jackson,” I repeat.

He just stares at me, not saying a word. I didn’t expect him to say it back, but some kind of response would be nice.

I put myself in his place and realize that maybe I’ve just blindsided him with this weighty statement since it did come out of nowhere. I also probably need to be a little bit more specific with how I feel and what I want.

I move toward him. “I want you, Jackson. I want to try again. I know we’ve both made some mistakes. I know we crashed and burned right after take off the last time around. But, I also know…there’s no one in the world that I want more than you. I honestly don’t think there ever will be. No one has made me feel the way you make me feel.”

His closes his eyes and his thumb brushes over my bottom lip. “Alyssa,” he whispers.

I give his thumb a small kss. “I’ll go all in and give you every single part of me. I’ll never, ever lie to you again or break a promise…and I swear, I will do my damnedest not to hurt you.” My voice begins cracking, but I continue, “I’ll fight for you with every single breath I take, Jackson. And if you’re too scared to take the risk and roll the dice with me…don’t be…because I’ll hold your hand for the rest of my life.”

His face contorts in pain so I reach for his hand, hoping to prove it to him, but he rips it away. “No,” he says, his voice gravelly. “Get over me and find someone else. Someone that’s not me. Someone who can give all of that back to you because I can’t.”

The impact of his words is like pouring battery acid on a wound. It’s tearing me apart, burning me and leaving me scarred. I don’t know why he’s hurting me like this or saying these things, but my heart pulls when I see the emotion on his face.

He heads for the door and I follow him. “Don’t chase me, Alyssa,” he shouts. “Let me leave…because if I don’t leave right now—I’ll never be able to stop myself from doing the right thing when it comes to you. And I have to do that. Please, just let me give you up.”

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