ROSES FOR RACHEL: EPISODES 51-60
Episode 59
I woke up wrapped warmly up in a thick quilt on the floor, and I groaned when I realized that Calvin wasn’t with me, so I sat up until I saw him sitting directly in front of the fire that had nearly burnt out, shirtless, with his back to me. I watched him for a minute, admiring his sculpted shoulders until my eyes landed on the awful scars again. I stood up carefully, keeping the blanket wrapped firmly around my naked body and I went to him, sitting in his lap. He hardly moved his eyes from the flames, and as I watched him stare at it, the flames reflecting into his eyes, I could feel his pain again. Despite how hard he’s trying to make the feelings go away, he’s still haunted.
“Talk to me, Cal.” I whisper to him and he sighed.
“I can’t.”
“You can.” I insisted. “I know you’re worried what I will think about you after you tell me, but nothing you can say can make me not love you, Cal, you have to know that.”
He turned his eyes to mine finally, but it wasn’t any better to have the intensity in them focused on me now. It made me feel uneasy. “Rachel, you have no idea what you’re talking about.”
“So tell me then!” I said frustrated. “What happened out there?” I asked but he shook his head. “What can’t you tell me, Calvin?”
“If you only knew.” He said cryptically, turning back to the fire again.
I huffed, the frustration really getting to me. “Calvin, we are married.” I said. “I’m your wife, you can’t just keep things from me.” I insisted. “If you want this to work we have to be honest with each other, no secrets.”
He rolled his eyes and looked back at me. “Isn’t that a little hypocritical of you?” He asked and I raised my brows, leaning my face away from his glare.
“Excuse me?”
“Did you really think nobody would tell me that you were attacked?” He asked and my stomach sank and I lowered my eyes from his gaze. “You’re not the one to talk about keeping secrets, are you?”
I shook my head, still looking down at my blanket. “That was different.” I told him. “You already had so much going on, and I didn’t want you to have anything else to worry about.”
“Someone drank from you, Rachel.” He said in disgust. “How could you think that was ok to keep from me?”
I clumsily stood up, stomping to the other side of the room. “How dare you!” I shouted. “All you do is keep secrets, but I hide one thing to try and protect your feelings, and now you’re throwing it in my face and making me feel like damaged goods.” I said with tears running down my face.
Calvin sighed, leaning his head down to his knees, and running his hands through his hair roughly before he shot up from the ground and over to me. “That’s not what I meant, Rachel!” He shouted. “I’m sorry!” He screamed.
“So then why can’t you just talk to me? Please, Calvin!” I shouted back, the raw emotion between us rising the tension in the room to a thick darkness.
He grabbed my shoulders and shook me once. “I want to!” He screamed, then pulled me into his chest, holding me to him tightly. “I’ve done so much.” He cried, fat tears running from his eyes to drop onto my face, which only made me cry too.
“Calvin, you have to talk to me.” I told him. “If you keep going the way you have been, it’s going to tear you apart…it’s going to tear us apart.”
“You know I don’t want that.”
“I know.” I nodded into his chest.
He dropped his arms from me, walking away again. “You’ll hate me, Rachel.”
“What could be so bad?” I begged and his shoulders shook.
Finally he sighed, walking to sit on our unused bed, putting his head in his hands. “Come sit with me.” He whispered and I walked over to him. “Baby, I messed up.” He said shaking his head. “I let so many people down…I’m not a good person, Rachel. I want to be, for you, but I’m not.” He cried. “I’ll talk to you. I’ll tell you what happened out there, but please…promise you’ll try to understand?”
“Of course.” I whispered, knowing that even if he tells me what happened in the battle, there is definitely much more than just that weighing him down. I’ll take what I can get for now.
As much as I hate knowing it, I do know in my heart that he is lying to me about something…something big…something that would end us. “I want to know.” I told him, half hoping he would come clean entirely, and half hoping he wouldn’t.
He rubbed his face, then turned to face me. “Ok, here it is.”
I waited with bated breath for him to say something but so many emotions kept playing across his tense face, yet no words passed his lips.
“Calvin?” I prompted him, the suspense making it only that much worse on my nerves.
He sighed for the billionth time. “I don’t know how to say any of it out loud.” He admitted, turning his face to the fireplace that now housed nothing but glowing embers, giving the room an eerie orange glow.
I put my hand in his lap, rubbing his knee gently. “Well, what did you tell Pedro when you briefed him on everything?”
“A much nicer version of the truth.”
I nodded my head, chewing on my lip with my nerves running rampant. “Ok, so maybe start with what you told him, then give me the parts you left out, or that you changed.”
He leaned his head back, looking up at the ceiling and his shoulders shook. “Alright.” He breathed. “Well, you know I had to go to Germany.” He started slowly. “All of the information we were getting was that the main force behind the rebellion was gathering there, so we infiltrated the settlement there.” He paused. “It’s a lot like it is in Castrum de Petra, just smaller.”
He explained. “The rebels were hiding in a blocked off area, and they had humans who were helping them to keep us out by lacing the areas with juniper, making it nearly impossible for us to get to them. We made a lot of negotiations, but every time I thought we’d been getting somewhere, getting closer to resolution, then they’d come back and deny the deal we’d made hours before.” His expression changed, and I felt the chills run up my spine. “They attacked us while we slept, which is against all of our codes and laws of war anyway, to battle so underhandedly.
I lost tons of men, and I was badly hurt.” He said titling his head to his scared shoulder. “A vampire with a special ax, laced with juniper…he hacked away this whole section.” He told me, running his hand around his scar.
“How did a vampire use juniper?” I asked in horror, pulling him to me protectively as if the threat were still around and I could protect him.
“They wore special gloves and clothing to protect themselves from it.” He whispered, then stood up, walking towards the fire to add another log, the flame billowing upward. “I almost died.” He said to the fire. “He hacked off my shoulder, then two others converged on me, pulling me apart…” His words ran out and I felt the tears coming down my cheeks.
Knowing he had been so close to being gone from me forever was like a thousand blades to the heart. “A human from there side, he didn’t want me to be killed, he wanted what the less manic rebels wanted, so he intervened.
He threw a vile of pure juniper on them, giving me and my men enough time to take the upper hand in the fight.” He kept his back to me, hiding his face. “His name was Daniel, and he saved my life. He was the only reason I made it home to you.”
I got up and went to him, trying to hold him, but he pulled away, leaving me standing alone while he sat back down on the rug. “Calvin?” I whispered, feeling a little offended that he’d blown me off.
ROSES FOR RACHEL: EPISODES 51-60
Click 10 below to continue reading