TOO LATE : CHAPTER 31 – 40
Chapter 36
Asa isn’t the way he is because he chooses to be. I feel like he is who he is because he was never shown how to be anything different.
For that, he’ll always have my sympathy. He’ll never have my heart, and he’ll likely never even have my forgiveness.
But I can’t help but give him my sympathy.
I start to stand up, but he reaches out and grabs my wrist, pulling me back down.
I lower myself to my knees beside the bed and Asa wraps his hand over mine.
His eyes are closed when he whispers, “One time, when I was five…I threw up on my bed. My father made me sleep in it.
Said it’d teach me not to do it again.” He releases a small laugh, but then his eyes squeeze together even tighter. “Guess the bstard was wrong about that, too,” he mutters.
Oh, God.
My hand goes to my heart as I ache for the little boy in him.
I turn and look at Carter and Dalton and they’re looking at Asa with just as much pity as I am.
When I turn back toward Asa, he’s rolling onto his stomach, burying his face into his pillow.
He grips the pillow in both fists and presses his face against it so hard, I’m convinced he’s trying to smother himself.
His shoulders begin to shake as they roll forward into the pillow.
“Asa,” I whisper, soothing a hand over his head.
He becomes a wreck of sobs. It’s the kind of cry that is so deep and heart wrenching, it’s not even accompanied by a sound.
Completely silent.
I’ve never seen Asa cry. I didn’t even know he was capable of real tears.
He won’t remember any of this tomorrow. He won’t know if I left him here alone or crawled in bed and held him.
I continue to sooth Asa’s head as I glance up at Carter. Dalton is no longer in the room. It’s just the three of us now.
Carter walks over to me and I can see equal amounts of sympathy in his eyes.
He lifts his hand and runs it over my cheek, then bends forward and ksses me on the forehead.
He holds his lips there for several seconds before breaking away and walking toward the door.
When he reaches the doorway, he turns around and stares at me for a moment.
He lifts a hand and slowly runs his thumb over his bottom lip. My heart reaches out for him, but I stay planted on the floor, comforting Asa.
I lift my hand and pull at a strand of my hair, winding it around my finger.
Carter’s lips stretch into a ghost of a smile as he watches me for a few seconds longer, then closes the door.
I climb onto the bed, under the covers, and I wrap myself around Asa, soothing his tears until I’m convinced he’s finally asleep.
But right before I drift off, I hear him whisper, “You better never leave me, Sloan.”
TOO LATE : CHAPTER 31 – 40
Asa-POV
The first thing I see when I open the refrigerator is a bowl of leftover spaghetti. Thank God.
“See, Dad?” I whisper to no one. “She’s a godsend.”
I put the spaghetti in the microwave and then walk over to the sink to splash water on my face.
It feels like I slept with my head in the toilet all night. H’ll, based on the stench of the bedroom this morning, I probably did.
I lean over the counter, waiting for the spaghetti to finish heating up. I stare at the bowl as it rotates in circles inside the microwave.
TOO LATE : CHAPTER 31 – 40
*************
I wonder if I klled him?
I doubt it. It’s been almost a day since we left the casino. If he died, the police would have been here by now.
And if he lived, I’m almost positive he won’t press charges. He knows he deserved what I did to him.
The microwave beeps.
I pull the spaghetti out and grab a fork, then shove a bite into my mouth.
I barely get it swallowed before I have to find the trashcan.
I throw up twice, rinse out my mouth and then force another bite of spaghetti into my mouth.
I’ll push through this withdrawal like a mtherfker, because I am not turning out like that man.
I eat another bite of spaghetti and swallow it down with my bile.
Push through it, Asa.
The front door swings open and Sloan walks inside. I glance at the clock and notice it’s barely after two. She’s never home from school this early.
Either she doesn’t notice me standing in the kitchen or it’s that time of the month and she’s in a pissy mood, because she rushes straight up the stairs and to the bedroom.
Not a minute later, I hear her making a mess of the bedroom. Stuff falling to the floor. Her feet moving from one side of the room to the other.
I stare up at the ceiling, wondering what she’s doing. My head hurts too bad to go up and look for myself.
I don’t have to, because a few seconds later, she’s storming down the stairs.
When she rounds the corner to the kitchen, my thing twitches in my p..ants. She’s angry as h’ll and it’s hot as fk. I smile at her as she marches toward me.
Before I can even get a word out, she’s in my face. She shoves a finger in my chest. “Where is the paperwork, Asa?”
Paperwork?
What is she talking about?
“What are you talking about?”
Her chest is heaving and if she would just step a few inches closer, I would be able to feel it.
“My brother’s file!” she says. “Where is it, Asa?”
Oh. That paperwork.
I carefully place the bowl of spaghetti on the counter and then bring my arms up and fold them over my chest. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Sloan.”
She inhales a meticulous breath, exhales it with even more precision, and then spins around. She puts her hands on her hips, trying to find the strength to remain calm.
I knew if she ever found out what I did, she’d be pissed. Even so, I’ve never really given much thought as to how I’d talk my way out of it.
“Two years,” she says, gritting her teeth. She spins back around and her eyes are full of tears.
Well, sht. I didn’t mean to make her cry.
“For two years I thought you were paying for his care. You showed me the paperwork, Asa. The letters the state sent. The check stubs.” She begins pacing back and forth.
“The social worker thought I was an id!ot today when I asked her if his benefits could ever be renewed. Do you know what she said to me, Asa?” She faces me again.
I shrug.
She takes a step forward, folding her arms over her chest. “She said, ‘The benefits were never cancelled, Sloan. Stephen’s care has never been private pay.’”
Tears are streaming down her cheeks now. For the first time since she walked down here, I start to get a little uncomfortable that maybe I took it too far with this lie. She’s angrier than I’ve ever seen her.
She can’t leave me.
“Sloan.” I take a step forward and put my hands on her shoulders. “Baby, listen. I had to do what I had to do to get you back.
You left me. I’m sorry you’re upset.” I move my hands to her cheeks. “You shouldn’t be mad about this, though.
It took a lot of effort and money on my part. If anything, you should be flattered that you’re that important to me.”
Her hands come up between mine and she pushes me away from her. “You id!ot!” she yells. “You forged an entire file to back up your lies, Asa! Monthly letters from the government! Who does that?”
She has no idea how much money I had to pay the fker who sends those or she’d be thanking me right now.
She points at me from across the kitchen. “You trapped me. This whole time you made me think there was no way out.”
I swallow the anger down. I take a step forward. Did I really just hear her right?
“I trapped you?”
She’s so worked up, she’s inhaling small gasps of breath. She swipes angrily at her tears and nods, lowering her voice. “Yes, Asa. You trapped me.
I’ve been your prisoner for the last two years, thinking my brother was about to have to go back to my worthless mother.
All because you knew if you didn’t have that to hold over my head, I would have left you.”
TOO LATE : CHAPTER 31 – 40
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