WEDDING OF MY EX
© AARON ANSAH-AGYEMAN
***EPISODE 3***
THE KLEVER MAGG
Chris suddenly bolts forward. His phone, on the passenger seat, is ringing.
He looks at his phone. The image on it is a portrait of a beautiful young lady, and the name below it reads ANGEL.
Her real name is ELAINE BOATENG. She is 28 years old. She is Chris’ fiancée. Chris picks the call.
CHRIS
Hello, Angel.
ELAINE
My love, it is getting late. Traffic demons again?
CHRIS
Yeah, but I’m at Airport junction. I will be there soon.
ELAINE
What’s wrong, love? You don’t sound so funky. Horror day again?
CHRIS
Nah, just a bit bushed out, I guess.
ELAINE
Hurry up and come home, my love. I’m going to rub you down real slow and show you a piece of heaven.
CHRIS
Hmm, yeah. I think I will like that, Angel. Love it when you’re in this kinda mood, sugar pie!
ELAINE
I’m all spread out and waiting, Superman. Just fly and come and rescue me! I’m all heated up here, love.
CHRIS
Can’t wait to sing to your body, Angel. See you soon. Bye.
He looks at the wedding card, and stares at the face of Effe Kedem. Suddenly he looks angry.
CHRIS
Leave me alone, Effe Kedem! Stay out of my life, devil!
He begins to drive again. Suddenly he starts hammering the steering-wheel with his fist.
CHRIS
Leave me the hell alone, Effe!
He snatches up his mobile phone again, activates the call list, selects a name, and dials.
A male voice answers. The voice belongs to STEVE HOLLISON, aged 38. He is Chris’ best friend.
STEVE
What the dilly yoo? Are you at the fuel station?
CHRIS
Nah, man. I’m driving home. Elly’s waiting, so I gotta rush.
STEVE
Eh, charlie, your own good oo! Say hi to her for me, ok?
CHRIS
Belt up and listen, you d–n parrot. Something bad just happened. You won’t believe the shit you’re about to hear, man. Effe is getting married!
STEVE
You’re not, by any stretch of the imagination, talking about Effe Kedem, are you?
CHRIS
Do I know any other d–n Effes? Of course it is her, the greatest love of my life, the girl who broke my heart so badly that I almost committed suicide. Same girl, dude, same hell. And I’ve been invited to her hell of a wedding. She’s marrying some a—–e from South Africa, some d–n…
STEVE
Hey, hey, hey, man, slow down. Simmer down, rasta. Take it from the top. What happened?
CHRIS
What didn’t happen, dude? You just wouldn’t believe how small the world is! My bosses just invited me to Effe’s wedding!
STEVE
You telling me you’ve been in touch with Effe all this time?
CHRIS
Hell no! Haven’t heard from or seen her for four years! This is just one of those d–n twists of fate! Our business partner from South Africa decides to marry a Ghanaian girl, and he chooses no other girl than my girlfriend, can you believe that?
STEVE
Not your girlfriend, dude. Not even your ex-girlfriend. That girl was death to you, man. But talk about crazy coincidences, and this surely beats any I’ve ever heard! Say, bro, what…
There are two sharp beeps in Chris’ ear, and then silence.
CHRIS
Hello, Steve, you there?
He looks at the phone, and redials. A mechanical voice tells him that Steve cannot be reached.
Steve’s phone has gone off. Chris swears, puts down the phone, and continues to drive. He rubs his forehead occasionally in obvious stress.
CHRIS
Oh, Effe! What’re you doing to me now? Why now, oh Lord, why now?
CHRIS’ LUXURY APARTMENT IN HAATSO – NIGHT
Chris drives into a very beautiful compound. The house is flat and very nicely designed.
There is a white Nissan Rogue already parked in front of the house. It belongs to his girlfriend, Elaine Boateng.
He picks up the wedding card, looks at it for a while, and then he opens the glove compartment and throws it in.
He picks up his laptop and gets out of the car. He enters the house. The living-room is semi-dark, and he quickly doubles his steps as he nears bedroom door.
He pushes the door open silently. The bedroom is huge, has a four-poster bed. Gentle and soft music comes from the speakers.
It is an alluring and romantic setting. She is lying on the bed, propped up against the headboard, wearing a very short sky-blue nightdress. Her legs are slightly apart.
He looks at her, and then he drops his laptop and approaches the bed. A happy smile plays around her lips as she raises herself up to meet his kiss.
They kiss passionately, and her hands push his coat away and frantically undo his tie. He holds her desperately, kissing her hard.
There is a flash as he recalls Effe’s face. Elaine reaches inside his shirt and caresses his chest.
She unzips his trousers, and her hand reaches in. She stops suddenly even as he tries hard to kiss her.
She puts a hand on his chest and gently pushes him back. Her eyes search his face.
ELAINE
What’s up, Tiger? The engine room is cold.
CHRIS
Just a bit bushed, I guess. Let me take a shower. That might do the trick.
ELAINE
Do that, Sweetness. I’m here, and I’m all yours.
Chris shirks his clothes and walks into the bathroom in his boxers. He leans against the closed door and exhales rapidly.
CHRIS
Effe, I will not let you do this to me, you d–n b—h!
He turns on the shower. Cold water splashes over him, and he let it fall on him for a long time.
He emerges from the bathroom naked. Elaine watches him, and a mischievous look passes across her lovely face.
Their kiss is fervent, their desire strong. They moan as they make love. Later, he falls asleep.
Elaine lies beside him, her face happy as she lazily watches the muted television.
Suddenly a soft dinging sound comes through. It is Chris’ mobile phone’s message tone. She takes his phone out of its trouser clip and glances at the screen.
It reads: NEW MESSAGE FROM STEVE.
ELAINE
What’re you bad boys up to?
She inputs Chris’ password, opens and reads the message from Steve.
SORRY. HAD LOW BATT AND DE FON WENT OFF. WE’LL TALK LATER BUT U KANT GO 2 EFFE’S WEDDING. OPT OUT CUZ IT’LL BRNG BAD ENDINZ. SEE YA LATER.
Elaine freezes.
She reads the text message again, and then she glances at the sleeping Chris.
She shakes him awake.
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