WEIRD HEARTS
(Love in circles )
BY BLESSING SILVER
CHAPTER 25
Jacqueline’s POV
I stayed still on the rail, only shifting at interval when I wasn’t properly balanced.. Nick’s weight was beginning to weigh me out. I felt a buzz in my pocket, I balanced Nick to one side and grabbed my phone from my pocket.. I raised my head up and without looking at the caller; since it was practically impossible at this state.. I swiped to the receiver, still without looking and lifted the phone to my ear.
“And where for Pete’s sake are you?” Martha’s shrill voice reaches my ear.
“With Nicholas.. I told you I was coming here right?”
“Yes but it’s been close to two hours already, we’ve had two periods without you and we’re on the third, I had to excuse myself out to call you.. You didn’t even attend homeroom” she said and I sighed.
“Actually I’m in some kinda state that doesn’t permit me to move.. Can you come up? I’m at the upper floor”
“Uh okay” she said and hung up.
I checked Nicholas, his eyes were still shut and his breathing was felt on my neck.. It sent some kinda weird spark.
After a moment I heard marching boots on the staircase.. It got more audible and Martha appeared.. Her eyes scanned around and then rested on me, she gave a solemn look and started coming to me.. She stood before me and in some kinda awe, she looked from me to Nicholas on my body then back at me.
“And what’s going on here? Why are you staying like that and why’s he sleeping on you?”
“Will you help me get him into that class first before he crumbles the whole of me?” I asked.
“O-kay”..
In a swift move yet with difficulty, Martha helped me pull Nicholas into the empty room that led to the roof..
“There, drag that plank here” I said to Martha and she moved to pull a piece of long wood to me while I held Nicholas. She assisted me and we settled Nicholas on it, a normal person would’ve at least felt the force and tossed but Nicholas stayed still. Martha breathed out and pushed her hair back. We moved out of the room after closing the door and leaving a little space.
I grabbed the box that had Nick’s syringes..
“Wait here.. I have to return this first” I said to her and sensed she wanted to say something but she nodded instead and started arranging her hair. I returned the box to Nicholas locker and head back to Martha.. We head to the classroom.
“Tell me what happened back there Jackie”
“Remember you said you excused yourself from a class.. You wouldn’t want the teacher to think you’re peeing your lungs out, would you?”
“Alright.. Let’s hurry up to class first” she took my hand and pulled me along..
“So you’re saying Nicholas turned to a monster here.. In school?!”
“He isn’t a monster Martha”
“Yeah right.. Those posters seem to have gotten me a lot but seriously Nick actually changed?”
“Yes.. I had to give him his medication then he fell asleep on me.. That was what happened”
“Whoa but seriously what’s wrong with him? Did he tell you anything about what he’s suffering from?”
“No, he actually thinks I’m with Jason so it’s all still hard on him”
“Yeah.. I understand”
“And you can’t tell anyone about this Martha..
“Of course, I’m not a blabber beak Jackie, you of all people should know that” she said
“Yeah.. Sometimes”
“What? I find that offensive Jacqueline” she said.. And I shrugged.
“I’m sorry.. C’mon it’s time for practical” I said, standing and she stood up too.. We head to our lockers, got the necessary stuffs out and moved to the laboratory, we took our stands at each table and the lab master informed us that we’ll be having the practical with the senior class as it’ll be beneficial to them.. Yada yada yada..
Soon, the seniors troop in, taking seats on available space on the bench.. I glanced around for Nicholas but he wasn’t anywhere in class, he’s probably still asleep. I sighed and took my head down.. Mr Huston started giving us tips on how the practical would go, he showed us the solutions and wrote down how it’d go.
“And why are you just coming in Mr McDowell” my head snapped up at the mention of that name and I saw Nicholas standing by the door and giving Mr Huston a kind of irritated look.
“I had something to attend to. Can I sit now?”
Mr Huston gave him a long look, like he was observing a new chemical solution “Go ahead and pay attention”
Nicholas moved and took a sit.. He looked at my direction and our gaze met, he suddenly cut the eye contact and looked away. I sighed inwardly.
“Okay.. So as I was saying, you’ll be putting down your observations individually, the practical will be an individual work too….
Mr Huston kept talking and all the time I couldn’t help but let my gaze slip to Nicholas.. I suddenly felt a squeeze at my palm and when I looked down there was a small piece of paper tugged into my palm.. I opened it..
‘Thanks’ a simple message read and my gaze flew to Nicholas direction.. He turned and our gaze met, he gave me a small smile and looked away almost immediately.. I smiled to myself..
“Is there anything hilarious in what I just said Ms Dawson?”
I turned to see almost half of the class eyes on me..
“Uh excuse me?”
“You were smiling, I was just wondering if there was anything funny going on here” he said.
“Uh no sir.. I’m sorry” I said. He gave me a blank stare then continued teaching.. I noticed Jason gaze on me and when I looked at him, he looked away.. I breathed in.
Mrs Gonzales POV
“Yes Petra take those out too and finish off with that side then come join me in my room, we need to take stuffs out of there too” I said.
“Yes ma’am” she said and went to work..
My husband will be coming back today, after being away for two weeks and I’m making sure he meets a pretty house when he arrives by taking out the old stuffs that I’m sure won’t be useful and then giving the house a different look. I walked to my room and reached under the bed, I drew out an old box that had most of my old accessories when I was in America.. I’ve been saving them up until when they’ll become useful now it looks outdated and too old to be among my designs.. I tore the knot I had made with a rope and opened the box up.. In it was my jewelries, I took out a pair of earrings and looked at it.. It was a gift from my ex-husband on our three years anniversary.. I remembered how he had placed it on my ear and complimented it with a light peck. I sighed and threw it back in the box. Taking anything out of this box won’t be a good idea because most of it’s content were from my past that I’m not willing to resurface.
I closed up the box. The door opened.
“I’m here ma’am” Petra walked in and closed the door. I drew it the second box, it was a lot bigger than the other.. It had my old clothes and the finest of them that I wore on occasions with my ex-husband, Jason’s father have told me countless times to dispose it because to him, none of those clothes were fit for me.. I opened the box and started unpacking the contents, searching if there was probably something I could keep like a lingerie.. I needed it tonight to seduce my husband.. It’s been a while since we had a night to ourselves.. I already had today setout because of his homecoming.
I pushed the clothes I had packed out to one side and started piling it up with more, I saw a wedding dress.. The one I wore for my first wedding.. The memories of everything that happened that day was still so fresh in my head.. I shook my head, as if shaking the thoughts out, I pulled the dress out with a bit of difficulty because it was long and heavy.. I took it out and a paper fell from it. I picked it up, it was a picture cover and an inscription was on it..
‘If I could give you anything, I’ll give you my heart because I want it to be yours foreve.
I read the small super r0mantic message. I needed no one to tell me it was from my ex-husband, he had always been like that.. Confessing his love for me anytime and anywhere a chance came. When we were still together, I was used to reading most romantic letters like this but somehow they started getting incessant and lovable.. Rudolf was a very romantic man and I knew he loved me with all his heart at that time same way my husband does now.
I upturned it and took the picture out, it was an old picture that was already loosing it’s quality but it was clear..
A picture of me in a winter dress and bobble cap and beside me was Rudolf, my ex-husband holding my waist and on our palm laid Nicholas.. Our son. The reason why our marriage had to end. I dropped to the floor as memories flood into my head, memories that I couldn’t ignore as much as I wanted to.. Memories that somehow were too emotional to let go off.
“Ma’am are you okay?” Petra asked and I heard the sound of her flat shoes, marching the floor to reach me. “I want to be alone” I answered simply.
“Yes ma’am” she said and after a moment I heard the slight banging of the door.
I took the picture and looked at it again, at my son, Nicholas.. A stabbing bile rose up to my throat and I sent it down with a gulp as a tear rolled out from my eyes, my gaze never left the picture, never left him. I remember how he had looked at me with so much hatred the time we met at his school, the meeting had been unexpected and brief but I knew the spark his eyes flashed to me.. That look of unwanted-ness.
Somehow I had succeeded in pushing them to my past but little memories seem to bubble them up..
My life with Rudolf had been what most people will describe as amazing, perfect and stuffs in those categories and up till now I’m still appreciative for it.. Nicholas had come into our lives after three years of waiting for a child, Rudolf was still ever faithful and his love for me never waxed cold.. He showed that to me everyday we spent together. I became pregnant the third year of our marriage and Nicholas coming strengthen the love we had for ourselves.. I still remember vividly, it was as if it happened just few days back meanwhile it’s been years..
It was after his sixth birthday that everything changed.. He contacted a rare disease.. One single accident changed his life, our life.
I could’ve stayed, if not for anything else but for the fact that he’s my son, my only child, my blood. But I didn’t stay.. I guess you can call it immaturity, when I go back on those years I can’t help but realize how callous I’ve been.. I was still a young lady then, having what I called a perfect life and the last thing I wanted was having a child, my first son; to be a monster.. I couldn’t think right, I couldn’t bear the hatred I felt when I see him in his sickening state.. I wasn’t ready to mother a monster.
Nicholas disease was draining not only my savings but Rudolf’s as well.. It wasn’t all about the money but I guess I was too naive and young to realize the decision I made.. To walk out on my son when he needed me most, to step away from my family in their trying times and to leave them heartbroken.. Nicholas hated me. Each time I think about it I feel like the most horrible person in the world, I couldn’t stop hating myself for doing what I did, I couldn’t think straight and I didn’t want a child with problems, I only wanted a stress free life with no complications at all and Nicholas disease didn’t bring that, in fact it brought lots of complications, we spent most of our time and money on him, it wasn’t easy at all but still, now that I think about it, it’s still not a reason good enough to have walked out on him, forever. I had moved NY after leaving my ex-husband, having no family or probably not knowing where they were, I worked as a waitress.. It was at least better than raising a monstrous child. It was during one of my shifts that I met Jason’s father, we started out as friends and I find him pretty amusing plus he was rich.. He had lost his wife in an accident and he told me he wanted to marry me.. I became his lover first then we got married, contrary to Jason’s approval.. He hated me at first, I understood he was still brooding over the loss of his mother at a tender age.. I showed him all motherly love and since Mr Gonzales was mostly away on business trips Jason and I spent literally everyday together, with him telling me how much he hates me.
I took everything with a calm mind because having a family as rich as this was better than working as a waitress and raising a child that’s suffering from a disease whose cure wasn’t known yet.. I was all in for the money and exotic life, love was actually part of it but money was at the top.
Somehow during one of my trying-to-win-his-heart conversation with Jason, he asked why I had left everything and married his dad.. For his age he was pretty rude, it’s one thing he grew up with.. Still trying to get him to like me I told him about Nicholas, his disease and why I had to flee.. Seeing how captivating it was for him, I told him more.. Not minding how dangerous that lane was.. Jason started liking me and somehow we began getting a little close as I wanted us to, I was glad and even though it’s been years since I left my other family, I didn’t even think about them during that time.. All I thought about was my new family.
Jason got into a fight one day because a kid has spilled his drink on him and refused to apologize, I was called to come and it was actually the third time I had stepped my feet into Jason’s school because his driver did most of the work.. We were only called when he gets into a fight or talks rudely to a staff.
That day I had gotten to his school and during the meeting I asked to see the boy he fought with.. I was shocked and surprised at the same time when I saw Nicholas.. It’s been eleven years already but I still recognized him, of course he’s my son. I had called his name but he ignored me like I wasn’t vital.. I met with his dad and he shunned me and warned me to stay away, he acted all brave even though I could see how his heart was tearing apart..
Seeing everything Jason had asked if that was the Nicholas I had talked about and without thinking about it I told him a ‘yes’..
I couldn’t contain the guilt I felt after that eye contact with my son, the one I walked out on.. Seeing how he walked out on me when we met again, I felt so heartbroken..
I regret most decisions I made in the past now but somehow it’s just too late and now that I’m older, i’ll do anything to get my son’s love back.. I want Nicholas to see me as his mother, I want my son back..
I shut my eyes and sighed.. I realized I’ve been crying, memories are painful and soul touching lanes..
I dried my eyes and threw the picture into my drawer, without checking, I threw the rest of the items into the trash box.
“Petra?” My voice came out soft.
“Yes ma’am” she walked in..
“Dispose that box and inform the others to hurry up with dinner. I need to rest”
“Yes ma’am” she grabbed the box and walked out.
I stood up and wiped my face once more, I need to get myself ready for dinner.. I walked to my closet.
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