A smile graces my lips as suddenly the collectiveness dissipates, almost flying at lightning speeds towards all edges of the clearings. I can see the Shifters getting visibly brighter, as if they themselves have received a breath of life. Very slowly they start to disappear, vanishing into the depths of the trees.
It is then that I wake up from the spell and collapse on the ground. There is a series of footsteps, and then warm hands lifting me from the ground. Another hand wipes the mud off my face. “What’s wrong with her? Collapsing all the time, it’s ridiculous,”Yi snorts, and I realize he is the one touching me.
“I guess I’m just a light headed person.”I open my eyes and stare at him with the most intimidating glare I can muster. His own eyes widen, and he backs away. The water washes the mud away, but I am still covered in dirt. “I’m sorry you have to carry me, Xavier.”
“Why?”He asks, the hint of a smile on his features.
“I’m dirty.”
“Do you really think I care?”His laugh echoes throughout the land.
“Well…”I hesitate, staring at his face. He’s so…pretty when he laughs.
What am I thinking?
“Don’t answer that,”he says quickly, as if he is afraid of my response. “Are they gone now?”
“Yes, but we probably need to seek cover. This rain is not going to let up any time soon.”
“What did you do to them?”A small voice asks, and I look down to see a small toddler. I can’t prevent a smile from crossing my lips.
“I guess we can always tell time with Danae,”I joke, sensing Xavier’s eyes on me.
“I’m see-ri-us,”she whines, making me laugh even harder. I never get used to seeing her this young.
“I’ll explain later,”I respond calmly. I don’t even fully understand myself about this world or how to explain anything I have experienced so far.
“Are you…back to normal?”she asks quietly. I ponder the meaning of her question. Is there even a normal anymore? What does she mean by the word?
“About as normal I will ever be, I guess.”
“That’s great.”She smiles, and I am blinded by flashing teeth. I start to feel uncomfortable looking at her optimistic face.
“We should probably get going,”I turn away to talk to Xavier, “You can put me down now.”
“No,”he smiles mischievously, making my heart flutter incomprehensibly. Sometimes I just can’t understand myself.
“Um, really, it’s okay. I can walk.”
“Let me take care of you, Mona. You can’t fool me again.”I stare at his chest as he starts running, the others probably following right behind him. Feelings are coursing through me, confusing me to no end. Why do I feel like I want to touch him? Why do I even care at all?
It is as if I can’t reign myself in any longer. I imagine stroking his neck, unable to look away from his face as he stares ahead. This lack of control throws me off guard, and it seems to only happen when I am around him.
This may be something I just need to get out of my system. Regardless of how I got this strange desire, maybe some indulgence would satisfy me quickly and end this desire once and for all.
That’s it. He affects me just because I’m attracted to him. There isn’t any real feeling involved, besides this burning need I’m experiencing.
I loosen up, leaning my head against his chest, nuzzled against his body. I’m going to ride this one out, and only afterwards will I take my prescribed dose before leaving them. And this time, I am never coming back.
I can’t help but feel as if I am lying to myself, but soon become lost in the thoughts of the future.
“Mona,”Xavier’s low whisper dances to my ears.
“No…five more minutes,”I stretch my arms out with my eyes still closed, grabbing something and squeezing really hard. “I’m comfortable here.”
“Mona, you’re choking me.”My eyes snap open, and I quickly loosen my grip on his neck. Xavier seems amused, causing a blush to spread across my cheeks. My mouth opens and closes, almost like a goldfish. Mentally I scold myself for not coming up with a suitable response.
“You’re so cute,”Xavier smiles, and then slowly brings me to the ground. I suddenly notice that the rain is not pounding on me anymore, and the ground isn’t wet, either.
“Where are we?”I choke. My stomach growls as I survey my surroundings. Is this…
“It’s an alcove in the side of a mountain,”He looks up and away from me, “it’s small, but it’ll do.”He lights a flashlight and sets it in the corner.
“Where are the others?”
“There are series of caves and little alcoves in the mountains around us, and since none was big for all of us to sleep in together, we split up. The others are staying in a slightly bigger one a couple of miles away.”He smiles, and then digs around in his backpack. I watch his strong fingers as he pulls out a very strange-looking object. It is covered in sharp thorns and is about the size of a pear. “You must be hungry,”he smiles, giving it to me.
“Um, thanks.”I say quietly, surveying the fruit cautiously. “How do I eat it?”
“Oh,”he laughs, “I forgot that you wouldn’t know how to.”His long eyelashes suddenly flutter beside my eyes as his face grows close to mine. “You grab the top of the fruit, this stem, and one of these long thorns, pulling them away from each other as hard as you can.”His biceps are strained as he rips apart the fruit’s shell, leaving some blue thing in the middle of it.
“Are you even listening to me?”Turning to me exasperatedly after a few seconds of no response, he looks at me with concern. I watch the contours of his face—how his expression morphs from one to the other and how every movement just seems so tantalizing.
“I’m hungry…”I stare at him, almost as if in a trance, reaching one hand out towards his face. It is then that I suddenly realize what I am doing and pull back. There is no need to act like a freak, Mona. That is not how you se.duce someone…even if you wanted to.
My hand suddenly turns and reaches for the blue object instead. As if to wash away my embarrassment, I stuff it in my mouth all at once, measuring the flavor of the fruit. It is unbearably tangy, leading me to almost spit it out all at once.
“Mona, what’s wrong with you?”Xavier leans in, his arms wrapping around my body to support me from almost falling over.
“I’m…sorry,”I apologize, taking one agonizing swallow. It makes me shudder, burning all to way to my stomach.
“It’s these clothes,”Xavier mutters, touching the wet fabric of my shirt. “That’s what’s wrong.”He rummaged within his small backpack, looking for something.
He’s right that my clothes are soaked, but that isn’t the problem at all.
“I have a few extra t-shirts,”he pulls out some clothing and lays it on the ground. “I’ll build a fire, and you change.”
“Change?”Subconsciously I back up against the stone wall, my expression of alarm. “Here?”There is no secluded section of this little alcove, with not much between the inward walls and the pouring rain.
“Would you rather do it outside?”He stares at me piercingly, a smirk on the edge of his lips.
“Uh…uh…”
“Well, get to it. I won’t look.”He turns and looks in his backpack again, swearing as he does so. “If only I had my knapsack…”
I reach over and grab a large t shirt, and then scamper to the wall. “Face the other way,”I squeak as he suddenly turns to gather some dry sticks from the alcove. He looks at me in amusement.
“Okay, if you insist.”Smiling, he slowly turns to face the rain. I can almost sense the laughter emanating from his being, laughter that almost sends steam out of my ears. Calm down, Mona. It’s okay.
I quickly undress, probably faster than I ever have in my entire life. My undergarments are soaked too, so I remove them as well and put on the huge t shirt. It swallows me up, but it isn’t very thick. It’s dry though, which is a huge plus.
Xavier turns around without waiting for me to say so, and his first glance is at the clothes I left on the floor. “Hey!”I exclaim indignantly, but he wordlessly crosses over and takes my wet garments without even looking at me.
“Everything, huh…”he murmurs, and then starts to laugh inexplicably. Sitting down by his little pile of sticks, he casts his first glance at me with that same smile on his face. “My clothes look good on you.”
I blush, turning beet red as I gesture to him wildly. “What about you? Your clothes are wet!”
His smile grows even wider. I’m sick of seeing it in some ways, and in others intrigued by how far it could possibly stretch.
“I suppose it is my turn.”He stands up, and almost simultaneous pulls his shirt over his head. My breath sucks in at the sight of his upper body, and I am unable to look away no matter how hard I try. He casts a glance over to me, and winks.
I can’t stand it. These feelings of…l.ust that are turning me into a mere animal. A beast, even.
He turns away and starts rubbing two large sticks together furiously. It takes only seconds before sparks fly and the fire is built. The clothes are laid out close to the fire, since there is no way to hang it from above.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?”I ask, my voice unusually high. At this, he faces me again, smiling like a dev!l.
“I figured we could use the rest of the shirts as blankets. It’s a little chilly out here, is it not?”
At his words I shiver unintentionally, and he extends one finger towards me. “Come closer,”he says in a tantalizing manner. As if frozen, I just stare at him. “I have food.”He obviously can sense my hesitation.
For some reason, the only thing on my mind is him, no matter how much I wish otherwise. The sight of his strong muscles is embedded in my thoughts, barring me from basic actions such as…sitting. Or talking.
Chills run down my back.
He sighs, and pulls another small fruit from his bag. “Don’t make me come and get you.”Pulling the fruit’s shell, he waves the treat towards my face.
Almost robotically, I walk over to his side and slide onto the floor. “Good girl,”he smiles, patting my head. My hand automatically raises to knock his hand off, but the warm feeling that accompanies his gesture causes it to stop right before doing so.
He starts laughing again. Why is this cr@zy kid in such a good mood? I’ve never seen someone laugh so much in such a short amount of time. “What’s up? You’ve decided to be nice to me today?”he teases, flicking my forehead with his finger. It stings really badly, and I give him the worst glare I can come up with.
“That wasn’t the plan,”I mutter, reaching for the fruit as my stomach emits a particularly embarrassing growl that echoes within the cave. My expression twists into anger as he pulls his arm out of my reach.
“Let me feed you,”he says quietly, splitting the fruit with his hands. It looks almost like an orange, with the way he could separate it easily into sections. I try to ignore my own face, which has betrayed me by turning beet red once more.
“Where did you get this stuff?”I asked while scooting against the wall. He mirrors my action while holding the luscious treat. I can’t take his gaze—it’s honestly the scariest and most intriguing thing I have ever experienced.
I really just want to go jump back into that well. Anything is better than this humiliation.
“We found several bushes scattered across the forest, all with different types of fruit growing. At first, we thought they were all dead, but it was just the abnormal shape of the fruit that threw us off. But hey, don’t try and distract me.”He leans in, our th!ghs almost touching. “Open your mouth.”The fruit dangles in front of my nose.
“You’re insane if you think I’m gonna…Oomph!”I suddenly can’t speak as Xavier shoves a piece into my mouth. The tangy flavor sends shudders throughout my body.
“Now, that wasn’t that hard, was it?”He keeps grinning, watching my expressions. “I just love teasing you.”
“I hate you,”I snap at him after I hurriedly swallow it.
“You’re so cute,”he responds genially, rubbing his hand through my hair and traveling downwards to trace the back of my neck. “Even if you don’t know it yet, you’re mine.”His low, throaty whispers send goose bumps down my arms. I don’t understand why my body seems to be telling me again and again that he isn’t lying.
“N-never,”I stutter, leaning even farther away. When I look back, I see him completely turned away, looking in his backpack once again. Confusion enters me as a strange feeling of unsatisfaction clouds my thoughts. “I don’t even know why you t-think t-that.”I stand up roughly, planning on escaping while I still can.
“You said it yourself.”He comes up with his best imitative voice. “I’ll never leave you again!”he copies me, over exaggerating my diction.
“It was the only way I could get you to let me down.”I shrug, trying to hide my shakiness. My face is a seemingly permanent shade of red.
“Doesn’t matter if you meant it, I’m taking it for what it is.”He suddenly whips out a thin rope and before I can blink he grabs my ankle. My eyebrows knit in fury, the blood rushing to my head.
“What. Are. You. Doing?!”I growl menacingly, trying to step away. His hold is too strong, however, and now not only do I feel like an idiot, but I also feel like a dog.
“I don’t care if you lost your memories, I don’t care how you feel about me or Griffin,”he declares grandly, all the while focused on my ankle. “I’m taking you for myself.”
“I’m not something to be owned,”I snap, jerking my ankle as hard as I can. It does no good, his vise-like grip restrictive in the worst way possible.
“Keep still, Mona,”he commands, his voice strict and authoritative. I find myself unable to defy him when his words have such an imposing timbre. This hold he has on me—horrifying on so many levels—seems to be all-encompassing and absolute. I wonder how this has happened to me, and whether these lost memories hold the key to the madness.
A scratchy material rubs against my feet as Xavier’s hands suddenly start to fly with immeasurable rapidity and finesse. Unconcerned, I stare into the depths of the golden flames, drawing back in surprise as Xavier’s eyes peer back from the midst of the burning embers.
In alarm, I glance at Xavier, who is at my feet, doing something I can’t see due to his big blue head blocking the way. I must be cr@zy, just seeing things I shouldn’t even be thinking about.
My gaze snaps back up to the fire, and this time I don’t see anything. A visible sigh of relief leaves my body as I lean heavily against the wall. It’s alright. I’m just cr@zy.
“What’s wrong?”Xavier asks calmly as he puts the finishing touches on whatever he’s doing to my ankle. I peer down at my feet and see his elaborate knot by which he tied the two of our legs together.
“Really, Xavier? Really?”
“It’s the only way to show you I’m serious. And I don’t want you to be getting any silly ideas.”He defends himself with more grace than I expected, and then grabs my ankle with sudden ferocity. I find myself losing my balance, about to topple from where I am standing. My t shirt almost starts ballooning out, so I grab the ends furiously with my hands. Xavier’s arm touches my back, stabilizing me easily. “I’m sorry, did I catch you off guard?”He asks lazily, smiling at me brightly and then returning his attention to my foot.
“It’s your freakin’fault I almost fell! I couldn’t stabilize myself normally because, I don’t know, my foot was tied up?!”I could feel the rage building, as if waiting for the imminent explosion. Everything was frustrating me; our situation, my strange fascination, and feelings that should never, ever resurface.
He says nothing in response, and if I didn’t know better, I’d think he didn’t hear me. But that isn’t possible.
The flashlight flickers and diminishes slowly in intensity. Soon it is only the glow of the small fire, which itself is dwindling due to the blowing rain, that illuminates the small alcove.
“I wonder when the sun will come up,”I say wonderingly, staring into the formless, cloudy void that is our night. Right now the low fog seems almost immeasurable, stretching across miles and miles of the visible skyline. What is this place? If it is a spirit world of some kind, how are we even going to survive here? This land is depleted, either naturally or otherwise, of the basic resources we need to keep going.
Xavier murmurs something, his words so unintelligible that even I can’t understand him. “Speak up,”I prod, looking down at him awkwardly. Chills race up and down my legs as he started tracing his finger across my ankle.
“I don’t want to repeat myself.”I try my best not to be distracted by the constant movement of his fingertips, spinning an intricate web with each and every touch. Somehow both irked and enraptured, I’m frozen in place as he explores the contours of my ankle and calf.
“You are my sun,”he says quietly, his face still turned downwards. Is that…a little red on his cheeks? “I’m lost without you.”
I am crushed with desire as his long fingers trail higher, around my kneecap and lower thigh. Slowly I lower myself to the ground, unable to maintain my awkward position any longer. My fists clench at my side, and I cautiously push on the wall as I try not to trip over the rope. It is pretty long, but not long enough so that I can move properly.
His hands leave my moving feet and snaked around my waist, pulling me down with more speed than intended. I land with a definitive thud, though strangely unhurt. Looking around, I realize that I am captured within his arms, with no way out.
“Let me go,” I say nervously, trying to prevent my blushing cheeks from getting even brighter in color. My thoughts naturally wandered to the strength of his arms, and the warmth that emanates from his torso. The safety I feel in his arms both ease and disconcert me.
The only thing I can hear is Xavier’s low, curiously heavy breathing as his sinewy arms squeeze almost all the life out of my body. “You should… finish eating,” he whispers softly. “I think you need some rest.”
As soon as he says this, I realize just how tired I really am. “I’m not really all that hungry,” I say cautiously, all the while peering at the rest of the blue fruit on his knapsack. “I’ll just sleep now.”
“You have to get your nutrition, Mona,” Xavier insists, reaching for the fruit and handing it to me. “Here, we have only a few hours of sleep. “I’d like to feed you some more, but your droopy eyes tell me that you need to get to sleep as fast as you can.”
“As if I’d even let you feed me after how rude you’ve been,” I mutter as I grab the fruit, swallowing it almost immediately.
“That’s not a way to treat your savior,” he teases, making my blood boil. I try to escape once more, shifting my body so that my feet pressed against the floor. “Whoa, did I tell you that you could get up?” He asks, pulling me towards him with irresistible force.
“Xavier!” I can feel myself melting, and this realization frightens me more than anything else. “You said I could get some sleep!”
“Well, I guess so. But I didn’t approve your moving, so there is really no helping it. I may have to keep you a minute longer.” He shows no signs of giving in.
“What’s the point of this?”
“No reason at all. Just my selfish desire…” I turn and see his face, his eyes squeezing shut. “I just want to believe.”
“Believe what?” I ask, half-mesmerized by the closeness of his facial features and his abnormally long eyelashes. As he opens his eyes again, I am lost in the sweet meadows of his eyes, with no hope of regaining my sanity.
He doesn’t answer me, staring outside solemnly. I turn back around, leaning into his embrace. We sit in silence, observing the gradual decrease in thunder as the storm travels farther and farther away. Even though I am in one of the strangest circumstances I have ever experienced in my lifetime, I don’t feel very nervous or scared any more.
“Let’s rest,” Xavier finally says, and gently releases his hold on me. A strange sense of loss swells in my chest.
He quickly grabs the t shirts and lays them upon me. “Use this as a pillow.” The knapsack is shoved into my arms. Within seconds, I’m officially ready for bed.
“Okay, before we go to sleep,” he says slowly, “solemnly swear that you are not going to try to murder me in my sleep and run away.”
I stare at him unblinkingly in response. That’s probably the most viable option for me if I plan to get out of all this mess. But something tells me that not only do I not have the means to do so, I also couldn’t bring myself to kill him no matter how hard I tried.
He watches my unblinking face, and then grumbles to himself as he slides to the hard ground. His back is facing me, yet his hair is close enough to touch.
Close enough to touch.
In fright I turn away from the tempting hair, lying with my back to the ground. There is a sudden crackle from the corner of the cave as the flashlight flickers to its death.
Now that it is just us, the dying fire, and the total darkness, I feel alone on the cold floor, shivering in the ferocity of the wind. My eyes slip to a close, but all I can feel is restlessness, keeping me from staying still and focusing on what’s important. Which is sleeping. Of course.
As I stare at the ceiling, a pair of jeweled emeralds appear before me. They float, following ever move I make. This may be the scariest thing I have ever seen in my life, and not simply because of the suddenness of its appearance.
The jewels morph, frighteningly transforming into a set of hypnotizing eyes. Oh crap. No. I can’t take this. Not him again.
I twist and turn, as if trying to hide from this horrifying reality. It stares me in the face—quite literally—and I can’t help but feel uncomfortable and even nauseated about this. What I truly can’t understand is why I don’t… why I can’t hate this big loaf sleeping next to me.
There’s something different about him; something I cannot place but also cannot ignore. His mere presence has caused a strange sickness to take over my body, huge quantities of irreversible damage inflicted as a result. I have lost my mental health and good judgment; all because of a stupid boy.
I ponder my plausible cure for the illness that plagues me. If I can only indulge in these illegal desires, fulfillment will lead to a permanent release from the curse. I have no reasoning for this, no logical evidence that this will be the case. But I need to free myself from these chains, no matter the cost.
But it’s better to show restraint. Maybe training myself to ignore these animalistic impulses will help more than giving in to this emotional nonsense. I always thought I had a better-than-average control over my impulses—well, at least until I entered this new world.
I cast a tentative glance at his broad back, my eyes sweeping over the golden expanse of smooth, flawless skin. It’s just… a physical fascination. Magnetizing attraction that pulls me in with such force that it is absolutely impossible to deny.
I can’t.
I tilt my body to the side, biting my lip. I can taste the bitterness of blood.
I can’t.
My eyes squeeze shut as I beg myself to not sink this low. Don’t do it, Mona. Be stronger.
But… I really want to.
What the heck. Might as well try Plan A before sticking to Plan B.
Before I can stop myself, my finger lashes out and brushes the top of his shoulder. There is a rustling as Xavier shifts his body to face me. I could tell he wasn’t sleeping because of the quickness of his movements without any hesitation. His face is slightly contorted for some reason, from what I can make out.
“What is it, Mona?” He whispers, and that alone is enough to set me on edge. I gape at him, my mind wiped clean as a slate. I didn’t really plan out what I was supposed to do after I finally touched him. How do I properly seduce a man? For once, I wished I had some form of experience and wasn’t an antisocial freak.
He brushes my hair away from my face in one sweeping motion. “Do you have something you need?” My brain, as if jumpstarted by his words, kicks not only back into action, but into overdrive.
“You,” I whisper, staring into his eyes. It is as if the logical part of my brain has taken the backseat, watching the events unfold with a mixture of amusement and h0rror.
“What?” His eyes widen, and his dwindling hand jerks back into the air. I catch his hand in my own, feeling like a completely different person and scolding myself for my audacity.
“I don’t know why,” I whisper, feeling the warmth of his hand, hoping my endeavors aren’t a little over the top. “But I want you, Xavier.”
I grabbed his shoulder and jerked myself towards him, as if afraid of his imminent answer. The first thing I capture is his lips, moving so naturally it feels like déjà vu. Why is it that I feel like this has happened before?
I taste his lips, the salty sweet warmth spreading throughout my body in ways that are so familiar, yet so new, exciting, and intoxicating. I am drowning in the mind-numbing sensations I am feeling, greedy for more and more of this guilty pleasure. Suspended in time, I can’t help the wants from flowing, the desires from taking control over my body. There’s no stopping it now. I smile inwardly as I realize I just embarked on the pathway to my doom.
And then he began to respond.
His hands touch my shoulders gently, but the intensity of the kss magnifies several times over. I can taste the tangy flavor of the blue fruit as his tongue enters my mouth, amplifying the sensations coursing through my mind and soul. I never want this moment to end. If I’m an alcoholic, this man must be the best tasting wine in the whole world. Which probably, now that we are here, isn’t saying too much.
I admire my obnoxious ability to crack stupid jokes to myself in the middle of the most intriguing, frightening, and invigorating instant of my life.
After what seems like only seconds, but in fact stretched much further than that, my hand subconsciously reaches out to grasp at his chest. As if I had suddenly stepped on a landmine, everything just suddenly stops.
Aware that my lips were now touching a statue, I withdraw and look him in the eye questioningly. A fathomless expression is decorating his handsome features, his eyes cloudy. He doesn’t return my gaze, but quickly turns on his side after scooting away from me. I can sense his heavy breathing, but all I feel is confusion and the pain of his rejection.
What just happened?
I quietly laid my head against the knapsack, moving as slowly as possible, struck by the events that had just occurred. My eyes close, but the true darkness does nothing to ease this burning pain. I can’t think, nor can I hardly move or feel, blinded by the utter defeat I had just experienced. Not only was I absolutely humiliated, but more importantly, this sweet taste has left me starving.
Starving for what can now be comfortably called my greatest and most pitiable weakness.
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