AGE DOESN’T ???? ????
MATTER ?
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BY RUTHIE LEE ? ?
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EPISODE 26
JASON.
I grabbed the glass of water for Elsa and head back to my room.
I opened the door and found her on my seat, seeing me, she went back to hers and sat down. I dropped the glass of water in front of her and she gulped the whole thing down and thanked me.
“You’re welcome!” I said and sat down.
She dropped the glass on the study desk and Turned to me.
“Do you want to go on a date with me?”
I thought I heard wrong but I didn’t and turned to her immediately.
“What?” I asked, to be sure.
She blinked rapidly and let’s out a sigh.
“Just forget I said that!” she laughed.
“Of course I would love to!” I smiled.
“So you heard me the first time!” she narrowed her eyes at me.
“I wanted to be sure.” I looked away.
“Your sure-ness wanted to leave me in an awkward state!” she added and I grinned and let out a “sorry”
“But wait!” I turned to her. “You’re still with Neil and-
“And that’s why you should forget, I ever said that, I didn’t know what I was thinking.” She said feeling awkward about asking me out.
Like Elsa, just asked me out and I’m about to blow it.
No, not today!
“I can never forget that and I really want to go on a date with you and I take back my words please!” I quickly apologised.
She sighed and turned to me. “Okay so… I think that was a mistake and I want to apologise for it!” she said.
“Apologize?” I was lost.
“Apologize for what?” I asked.
“While you were getting my cup of water, I saw your chat with Donald where you said, you haven’t gotten over me, and so I want to apologize for prying through your messages and for also asking you out, out of sympathy, I wanted to ask you out to make you feel better because that was what Donald suggested on your text messages and I thought, maybe if you really go on one date with me, maybe you’ll get over me! I mean you will right?” She asked.
I don’t know! But what matters is that, she’s almost agreeing on going on a date with me.
“Of course!” I nodded.
“Good, but now thinking about it, I’ve been pretty selfish!” she sighed.
“Selfish? How do you mean?” I asked.
She glanced at me. “oh, it’s something I can’t explain, but don’t worry, it’s something only I can understand!”
“O…kay…” I didn’t know what to say.
“So can we just continue on our topic!” she said and started to turn the pages of the math text book.
And I angrily closed the book. Letting the book cover slam the pages hard.
“No we can’t, you can’t do this to me Elsa!” I couldn’t take it anymore. “I opened up my feelings for you, I tried to get over you but I couldn’t, I don’t care if you read my fucking text because I am seriously happy you read that, because it let you say out those words, if you’re so embarrassed to say it again, I understand but I will never be embarrassed to say, Elsa, will you go on a date with me, just a date, a one time thing and nothing else…Please!” I added the please when it looked like she was about to disagree.
“Look Jason, I just broke up with Neil because I agreed to date him out of pity, but it didn’t work out well because I did all that because of the sympathy I had in me. And now I’m doing it again, asking you out, out of pity, I’ve been a bad person enough, and pity just ruins everything!” she yelled.
The fact that she broke up with Neil, just made today even better.
I tried to hold my excitement.
“I don’t care if you asked me out, out of pity or any selfish reason or whatsoever, I’ll take anything coming from you, I don’t care if I’m being used by you too!” I stated and didn’t know what kind of impact my words meant to her, but she remained quiet for a while, with a surprised expression written all over her face.
Finally she let’s out a sigh. “it’s just a one time date, this Saturday and after that, we speak nothing about it!”
“That is better than okay, thank you so much Elsa!” I smiled.
She bit her bottom lip still looking worried.
“What’s wrong!” I asked.
She sighed. “It’s about the date, don’t you think it’d be awkward.!”
“Why do you say so?” I was suddenly hurt.
She looked at me and for some reason, I understood that gaze perfectly.
“Still worried about the age difference huh?” it was really sad.
“I mean what would people say?” she shrugged at me.
“Uh. That is none of their fucking business and people would say nothing because I look really older than you!” I let her know.
She shut her eyes and opened them back again.
“I get the point, you’re a boy, you look almost older than Neil too. but still to me you’re still… Younger”
“Okay, I have to ask, what is it with you and age?” I calmly asked.
She shrugged. “I don’t know, my dad’s older than my mom, and most people I’ve seen are like that too. It’s like an etiquette of couples or marriage or something and I think it’s always been like that it’s gotten into my head.!”
I shook my head at her. “I don’t think thats it!”
“Then what is?” she asked.
“You’re smart, I’m not giving you a compliment but a plain white honesty, you’re really smart, you’ve been smart your whole life and know a lot of thing about almost every single thing and people around you, you feel like you know too much and don’t need to be impacted by more, you feel like you could contain that smartness and can actually bring the best of it whenever you want to and that’s nice but when it comes to the case of relationships or stuffs similar to it, you bring in your smartness which is not supposed to be fully required. And I don’t know about Neil, but to me, you feel like I’m this kid who suddenly grew this stupid feelings for you and doesn’t know what he’s doing, sorry but there’s no book that warns ‘don’t fall for older or younger people’ there is no law that abides that, and looking at me, you feel like I’m not up to your standards or preferance and I’ll always be this kid you tutor, you feel like even if we happen to be in a relationship, there’s nothing I can bring up to your smartness, you follow everything your head tells you and not ready to change that. Your smartness kills the relationship impacts in your head, I’m not saying we should be in a relationship or so, but in a relationship you don’t bring in smartness, because smartness kills the vibes it kills the aura, In relationships, people bring in lust! And dumbness for it to go smoothly, they don’t let their heads judge age for them to be in love, but let their hearts decide for them!”.
Wow. I can’t believe I said all that.
Elsa let’s out a small breathable smile.
“You’re actually pretty smart yourself you know that?”.
“Yeah I know!” I shrugged.
Her smile faded and she suddenly looked sad.
“Well, now. I don’t know what to say. Your words left me completely speechless, congratulations, now can we continue on our topic?” she said and I sighed. “Sure! Why not!”
She’s not even planing to make an impact on what I just said.
Well I’ll just let her be who she wants to be.
She started to explain the next topic and it looked too easy and I was getting bored, I didn’t let her explain finish, I just interrupted her and told her to give me a question to work on.
She did as I said and I started to work on the questions.
I glanced at her severly from the corners of my eyes, but she didn’t notice, she just stared at her phone.
I continued working on the questions until I glanced at her to see her stylishly wiping the corners of her eyes.
Huh?
Is she in tears?
“Elsa? Are you okay?” I asked.
She turned to me quickly, “Why would you ask that, of course I’m okay!”
I saw no tears on her face so I quickly observed her eyelashes to see it wet.
Busted.
She sure was in tears, but I wasn’t going to pry or ask why so I minded my business cause that’s what a real gentleman could do.
ELSA.
I WAS FEELING like shit, I was feeling like the worst, every thing Jason said, every word he spoke about calling it a plain white honesty, every sentence he made was true, that is how I am.
And I’m not even that smart.
But I’m also not Letting my heart decide, but my head.
I also want to go somewhere, I also want to fall in love, I could fall in love with anyone I want to, I could have let Neil in again if I wanted to. But I didn’t, I bottled up my heart and let my head do all the work.
I was being selfish to myself and that wasn’t healthy.
I can totally be wherever I want with someone, if only I can just open my heart and let them in.
It’s time to look for the key of this rusty old beating heart at the left side of chest. It’s time to look for the probably rusty keys too and open my heart up. I can even let the whole world in, if I want to, I shouldn’t feel smart about everything, and age… Age doesn’t really matter. All Jason had said was nothing but the truth and his speech should be said with confettis coming out of his mouth! Because that was a whole lot of sincere truth. How did he get to find out what was bottled up inside me.
But well I think it’s time.
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