HOUSEHOLD ENEMIES
EPISODE 3
Funke and her parents remain at the park confused, they do not know what to say to the union man. There is no way Funke can remain in the village till the next market day when the next bus to Abuja will available. Her flight is for Tuesday evening and it’s already Monday morning. Baba Funke thinks of something and draws the union man aside to talk to him.
Baba Funke: “My friend, please, is there any way you can help us? My daughter has a flight to catch to America and she can’t wait till the next market day. “
Union man: “Oh oh, is this girl that is go to Amrika?” he says in broken English obviously reflecting his level of education.
Baba Funke:”Yes, you know about it?”
Union man: “Oficus I knows her, be ni!” nods and continues, “who neva hear of your,Eermm,your daughter’s gudu luck?” he says boastfully, “it is di topic of the discussion in all the palm wine joints in dis our fillage. Eermm, don’t worry your problem, Eermm, I have finis’,”turns to Funke, “if you, Eermm,reash Amrika tell Trumu, I don’t mind being the gate keeper of White ‘ouse.”
Baba Funke: “Please help us, my family will never forget this favor,” impatiently he says.
The man picks up his phone and dials a number.
Baba Funke who is a staunch Christian knows that the man is lying but he can’t say anything because he knows that the man lied to help them.
Union man: “Oya, drive fast to the next village an go,” pointing to an unknown destination, “straight…I haff play on drifa hin go bi dia waiting for you to tinki, Eermm, armed robbers are on raod. When you get to park giff drifa phone I taulk with him,” he gesticulates holding an imaginary phone, “Be fasti yo!”
Funke and her parents get on her father’s motorcycle and heads to the next village after collecting the man’s number. Her father is complaining of their weight but her mother insists that she must follow them to the next village. Her father tries to increase speed so as to meet up but he couldn’t. When they get to the boundary between their village and the next, they discover that it had rained heavily the previous night and the road is terrible. Baba Funke tries to drive on but when he gets to the middle of the road, it is flooded and as he attempts to drive on, his motorcycle goes off and refuses to come on. He tries all he can to start the motorcycle to no avail.
Funke: “What are we going to do now, Ba mi? This motorcycle won’t come on.”
Mama Funke: “Don’t worry, my daughter. Your father go leave the motorcycle here and I will carry your bag on my head and we go waka with our legs go the park.”
Funke: “But Mama, the water is deep and it will ruin my clothes.”
Mama Funke: “Better your clothes are ruined than your journey. That Amrika, you must get there”.
They start out with Funke’s bag on her mother’s head. It is a long and tiring walk and when they get to the village, their clothes are wet and dirty.
The bus is preparing to resume its journey when they get to the park. Funke’s father quickly runs to the driver and shows him her receipt for the transportation fare she paid.
Driver: “Wetin you want make I do with the ticket? You didn’t come when we started the journey, so it’s too late. I got another passenger on the way and I carried her. Space no dey again.”
Mama Funke: “Which yeye passenger you take after my daughter paid for this bus since last week? That passenger must come down for my daughter, if you think say I go allow this bus leave without my daughter after all the stress we have been through, you must be mad. If my enemies have decided to use you to prevent my daughter’s journey, tell them they have failed again o.”
Female passenger: “Who is that person saying I will come down from this bus? The person must be a joker. I will only come down from this bus when we get to Abuja.”
Baba Funke dips his hands in his pocket to bring out his phone to dial the union man’s number since he is the only one who can settle the matter. His phone is not in the pocket, then he remembers that while he was trying to start his motorcycle inside the flood on the road, something had fallen making a walloping sound inside the water. His attention didn’t go to his phone since he was in a hurry. “I have lost my phone on the road,” he said.
Funke: “You can use my phone, Ba mi. When the man was calling out his number to you at the park, I also saved it in my phone in case your phone goes off as it usually does.”
Funke’s father collects the phone with gratitude and dials the number. “The MTN number you are trying to call is currently switched off, please try again later,” The service provider says.
Funke’s father tries dialing the number again and this time around it goes through. The union man picks up the call and he speaks to the driver who agrees that Funke shares the back seat with the rest of the passengers.
When her parents get to the place where they parked their motorcycle that morning, it is nowhere to be found, even after asking a few passersby if they had seen it . They find their way home in silence, each wondering if all they encountered that day wasn’t an indication that Funke’s trip to US is a bad omen.
……………………………………
When she gets into the bus, the passengers refuse to create space for her to sit. She has to literally push her way through to sit. The woman who had initially taken over her seat let’s out a loud hiss, obviously dissatisfied that Funke is in the same bus with them. After travelling for about an hour, Funke begins to feel uneasy with dizziness and a mild stomach upset.
Funke: “See what the amala and ewedu I ate this morning is doing to me”, she thought to herself.
She tries to adjust herself as the seat feels tight discomforting her and there is poor ventilation because she has warned them that the windows are bad and that nobody should attempt to open them. She suddenly feels like throwing up. She feels the food she ate in the morning revolting in her stomach and she knows that she is in trouble. Before she can open her mouth to ask the driver to park, she throws up. The mess of the food she ate in the morning splashed on the woman sitting next to her and she becomes furious.
Female passenger: “What kind of nonsense is this for God’s sake, eh? Dem do you? Make una see me see trouble o. Why would an adult behave like a child?” hisses.
Funky: “I am sorry, ma. I tried to speak but…“
Female Passenger: “Sorry for yourself! Mtchew!” She uses her wrapper to wipe her arm
Female passenger: “Don’t mind her, local fowl wey no dey lay egg,“ faces Funke, “I see you are not used to entering a car, you should have just remained in the bush where you are coming from.”
Funke turns to the other male passenger who is also affected. “I am sorry, bros. I didn’t mean to…”
Male Passenger: “Just shut up. Can’t you see you just ruined my designer wears. I have an appointment with a girl in Abuja this evening and this is all I got to wear, thanks to you. My day is messed mehn.”
The driver stops and they all get down to clean themselves while those who want to ease themselves seized the opportunity to run into the nearby bush for their personal business. After about five minutes, they all get back into the car to continue their journey.
They have been traveling for more than two hours when Funke begins to feel uncomfortable again. This time around, embarrassed, she feels like disappearing into thin air or better, going back to the village instead facing these unpleasant events. At that moment, she feels hatred for her mother who insisted that she ate before leaving the house.
Funke: “Driver, erm, please park, I need to ease myself.”
Driver: “You say wetin? Make I park say wetin happen? You know this area wey we dey so? Na armed robbers and kidnappers den be this. I like my motor and my life. If na piss, just hold am. E beta make u piss for body dan make all of us die for here, as you see me so I get wife for house o! Ehen!”
Funke: “Please, it won’t take long, I really need to ease myself. “
Passengers: (simultaneously) “ Driver don’t park o, why didn’t she ease herself when we all did? Our journey is far and we don’t have time for anybody to waste.”
Driver: “I can’t even park here, it’s too risky. Before the coast will be clear for me to park, it would be after about 40 kilometers.”
At this news, Funke feels like crying. She realizes she is in for big trouble as all she has been experiencing since she left home has been disappointing. She feels a serious urge to use the toilet. It is so strong that it appears she has a running stomach. She suddenly cries out, startling everyone.
Funke: “Stop the car now before I defecate here.”
The other passengers on getting to hear her cry of defecation pleads with the driver to stop.
Passengers: “Driver, abeg park o. You know this girl vomited in the bus before. She may defecate here if you don’t stop. Please, we don’t want any air pollution again. “
The driver stops and Funke runs into the nearby bush. She comes out after some minutes, relieved but ashamed. She enters the bus and the driver is about starting his car when they realize that they have been ambushed by armed robbers who wore masks and had guns of different sizes and shapes in their hands.
The robbers order everyone out of the vehicle and they get down on their faces. “If you look up or stare at us, we will send you to your creator for judgement.” the armed robbers shouted at the passengers and the driver as they search them for money and other valuables. When they get to Funke’s bag that contain her travel documents, they ask:
Robbers: “Which of you here is going to see Trump?”
Everyone is silent and even the sound of a pin falling on the ground could have been heard. They are afraid to move their body as they know that they could easily lose their lives for that. The robbers thundered again:
Robber1: “Who is traveling to USA here?”
Funke knows that they are referring to her but she is so scared she couldn’t even find her voice. In her heart, she prays that there should be another passenger going to America apart from her.
Robbers: “Okay, you don’t want to talk, right? We shall see. Who is Funke Adebayo here?”
Funke slowly gets up with her back facing them and her hands on her head.
Robbers: “So, you are going to America and there is no money in your bag? Where is the ticket money?”
Funke: “Uncle, ejo o, I am going on scholarship. I don’t have any money on me, my parents are very poor.”
Robbers: “Turn around slowly”.
When she turns, they notice that she is a beautiful girl fully endowed as a typical Yoruba woman. They noticed the rise and fall rhythm of her full brea$ts. The intimidating and enticing nature of her physique gets them thinking of the numerous things they could do to her in bed.
Robbers: “Since you don’t have any money or valuable for us, we will tear your travel documents and burn them, including your Visa and international passport.”
Funke falls on her knees pleading with tears running down her cheeks. “Please, have mercy on me. I have gone through a lot just to go to America. My parents have sacrificed a lot too. Don’t do that, please.”
Robber: “Okay, I am the leader of this group and I will let you have your Visa but on one condition; I will have a taste of the ripe oranges on your chest and the honey pot in between your legs. Don’t worry about any disease, I have enough condoms here. I don’t go on any operations without them because of juicy girls like you. If you refuse, I will burn the documents, kill you and kill everyone here.”
The passengers when they hear that they will be killed if Funke refuses to cooperate starts pleading with her.
Passengers: “Please give it to them anyhow they want it. Save our lives. We are sorry for the way we treated you earlier. Remember we stopped here because of you who wanted to ease yourself. Please don’t allow them kill us. Afterall, you don’t look like a v!rgin, it’s just for them to enter and come out.”
Funke is torn between saving herself, the other passenger, her travel documents and accepting death while protecting her body. She is in a confused state as the passengers’ plea and cries keep ringing in her ears.
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