I just want to know if I made the right decision.

– After few months he asked me out but because I knew how office romance wasn’t healthy, I declined.

– I finally let my emotions flow and I agreed we could start a relationship as I was super happy.

We met at our previous workplace early 2018, we instantly clicked and became friends. I was well-known at work, he was the opposite (he liked being by himself), we however always had time to talk. After few months he asked me out but because I knew how office romance wasn’t healthy, I declined, although I always had him understand that I really liked him.

– He is also willing to learn and adjust to make me happy.

Read her story below:

During this period, we always had one issue or the other probably because we were getting to know each other. We got into one of the usual fight and I told him not to call me anymore, he respected that and we stopped talking… after couple of months, we had an office party and he wasn’t there so I texted him inquiring why he was absent and we resumed talking again.

I finally let my emotions flow and I agreed we could start a relationship as I was super happy we had started talking again… this happened late 2018.

A little about him:

He is very respectful (this is an attribute I love about him). He is also willing to learn and adjust to make me happy. He is super romantic, he goes extra mile to make sure I am comfortable whenever I visit, oh! And he also cooks. For example, he lives at point B and I live at point E, if we were to go to point A which is obviously closer to his house, he would rather come pick me from point E, no uber… he prefers to do it. I just want to explain how kind, romantic and caring he is. A downside would be that he has complex issues, why? Because he was the least performing child in his family so that kinda messed him up.

Back to our relationship:

He is in his late 20’s and he works, I am in my mid 20’s and I work… we earn pretty well and usually buy stuff for each other; money has never been an issue. Mid-2019, we went to Dubai on vacation, though we initially agreed to share cost 60% – 40%, with him contributing 60%, we eventually shared it 50 – 50 (I understood because we had exhausted the money we went with and I usually take extra funds with me). He talks to my mum (calls) and they are pretty cool, however, I have never spoken to his. Few times, he wanted me to talk to her but either I was too shy, or something came up. One day, I was at his and she called… she asked if he was with someone and he said no, I was unhappy about that but he told him me that since it was late he didn’t want his mum to have a wrong perception of me. I was quite satisfied with that explanation.

We both work from home (IT) so we are usually in each other’s company as we could work from anywhere.

The problem:

I am from Edo state, Benin precisely and he is Igbo… least I forget, before we started the relationship, I asked him if his family would be okay if he married outside Igbo considering that his married brothers all got hinged to Igbo chicks. In his words, “Yes, everything depends on how I present you to them”, I was satisfied with the response.

As at mid 2019, he told his Dad about me and he requested that I go see his elder brother (I think his Dad though I was Igbo) but I couldn’t go as I was reacting to a drug I was taking and my skin looked really bad. My BF understood and after few months I went to see his other elder brother as the first one was out of the country. It was a dinner and it went well. At a point, I noticed his mother was cajoling him to meet her friend’s daughter (I think his parents had found out I wasn’t Igbo), but my BF didn’t oblige. I confronted him with the tribal issue, and he told me everything was still as he said and I shouldn’t bother. Late 2019, he called and said his Dad wasn’t taking any of it and had told him he wanted all his kids to be married to Igbos. I respected this decision although it was hurtful. At that time, I was in a different state with people around so it would have been easier to heal but he still insisted that the was talking to them and I shouldn’t give up on him as his mum wanted to meet me, I obliged.

Early 2020, he made me return to his state and everything was going on well, then on a fateful day, his mum called and she started talking about marriage and he said “you people should please let me marry my girlfriend” and his mum replied “who’s that?”, I was shocked cause I felt this was the lady who said she wanted to meet me. He explained himself out of that and even though I wasn’t buying it, I needed my peace of mind.

Another day, his dad called and asked about marriage, my boyfriend wanted to quickly change the topic because I was there but his dad asked if he had broken up with me (the Bini girl) and my boyfriend replied “I am on the fence.” That answer immediately gave me stomach pain. I told him it was over, and I couldn’t trust him with our relationship if he could give such response.
He tried to plead but I was having none of it. Now, I am hurt! Sad! (Couple with the fact that I am still in his city and I am usually in the room where I work) Very sad but I just want to know if I made the right decision. I can’t deny the fact that I love him and maybe that’s why my senses aren’t working properly.

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