MY BABY HUSBAND : EPISODE 61 – 80

MY BABY HUSBAND : EPISODE 61 – 80

MY BABY HUSBAND

Episode 78

By Ayo Omolayo

I laid on the floor in my room in tears. It dawned on me that I was proud. I had gone too far. I was so confident in myself and lost everything. I guess God decided to have pity on me if not, I don’t know what would be happening right now.

My phone started ringing. I checked the caller’s ID and sighed deeply. It was Mummy Silas. I picked the phone and swiped the green bar.

“Hello! Sorry my battery went flat. That’s how my phone behaves these days. Even if the battery is full, in the twinkling of an eye, it will display battery low and go off. I had to charge it as quickly as possible.

I know you must have called and called several times. I’m really sorry about that that”.

“It’s alright ma!” I replied trying my best to ensure my emotions are not reflected in my voice.

“So you were saying that you and Silas have always been careful and will never stop being careful. You said you had never entered my son’s house and he has never entered your house as well.

You also said I need to see how careful you and Silas have been. You told me today, was the first time you both hugged each other. And that before you even hugged him, you had to ask God for permission to do so. Is it people that have not hugged since the relationship started that will start misbehaving? Just hugging alone, you don’t, not to mention immorality.

Olamide! I want to really commend your efforts. You have really been a watchful woman. You’re a good wife for my son. The kind of wife everyone out there is praying to have. Not all Christian ladies can be like you. Many of them have used the excuse of we would soon be getting married to start living in sin.

But as a Christian, you have not only stood your ground, you have kept yourself from all appearance of evil. Many Christians think because they will soon get married, they can start commiting immorality. If you’re not married you’re not married, period. Stop using I will soon get married to excuse your sinful lifestyle.

The word of God says in Hebrews 13:4. Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

The message translation of that scripture says, honour marriage, and guard the sacredness of carnal intimacy between wife and husband. God draws a firm line against casual and illicit copulation.

The Amplified version says, let marriage be held in honor (esteemed worthy, precious, of great price, and especially dear) in all things. And thus let the marriage bed be undefiled (kept undishonored); for God will judge and punish the unchaste [all guilty of immorality] and adulterous.

There’s this latest trend of sin. I don’t know how Satan managed to invent it, but alot of Christians are buying it. They lock themselves in a room and begin to kiss like husband and wife. They do all kinds of foreplay and stop there. They keep telling themselves they are waiting for when they would get married.

That’s a deception from the pit of hell. Untill you’re married, stay pure! Stay undefiled. Stop soiling your white garments with sin”.

I didn’t know what to say. I was seriously fighting my tears right now. It was as if God was speaking directly to me.

“But I thank God for you. You’re not like those people. You stood for God and remained pure. You have not allowed Satan to decieve you to start kissing your fiancee”.

Oh my God! Please tell this woman to stop tormenting me. She’s just calling me everything I am not. I’m such a disappointment right now.

“Mummy please stop! You have no idea of what happened between us right now!”

“What happened? Did you break up?” She asked.

I began my story on the phone with her. Thank God I had recharged her line as I had earlier promised. I narrated everything that happened to her and by the time I was done, she ended the call immediately without saying a word.

I wept till I had no strength left in me. It was tears all through the night. I managed to find sleep that night. It was really a struggle for me. I had barely slept when my quiet time alarm rang to wake me up.

I pushed myself into a sitting position and looked around. I sighed countlessly.

“Daddy I’m sorry! I’m so sorry I had hurt you so bad!”

I sat on the bed and tried to pray, but I was just too depressed to say anything. In simple words, I could not pray. All I could think about was how useless I had been to God. Even my mentor is mad at me. She gave me instructions to guide me. But what did I do with her instructions? I threw it away and did things my way. Because I was super smart.

“Daddy I’m such a worthless and unprofitable servant. You have showed me mercy beyond human comprehension. You have taught me so much. But look at how I wasted your investment upon my life. I almost committed the sin against the body. It was your mercy that prevented me.

I’m so worthless and empty. I don’t even know why I’m still alive. I don’t know why you created me? I’m trying to pray, but I cannot. I’m just struggling over here. I don’t know what to say. I just…..I just….”

I broke into tears and threw myself on the bed. I felt like God should kill me himself. That would be exactly what I deserve. I really deserve that very well. God should take away my life. I was such a disappointment to him.

“God please kill me! I’m tired of living like this! Just take my life. What’s the need of my existence if all I bring you is pain and disappointment? Just take my life and get rid of this unfaithful servant”, I said weeping.

My phone started ringing. It was my mentor calling. I quickly picked up the phone and swiped the green bar.

“Hello mummy!”

“Yes! How’s your quiet time going?”

“Mummy! I cannot pray ooo! I just don’t know what to do. I’m trying to pray but nothing is coming out of my mouth. I’m just too…. too……”

“Cris! Who told you that you cannot pray?”

“Mummy! I open my mouth and all I’m seeing is struggle. I struggle with my words and I am feeling so weak. I don’t know what is truly wrong with me.

“James 5:13. Is any among you afflicted? let him pray”.

“Mummy! I can’t pray!”

“Why?”

“I’m struggling with my words!”

“Listen to me very carefully! There’s no demon in this world that can stop you from praying. That’s a deception from the pit of hell. They keep getting at you through your emotions and you accept.

They are only following a Bible principle which is written in the book of Proverbs 23:7. For as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.

As long as the devil can make you believe you cannot pray, you will never be able to pray. Cris, what did I say?”

“As long as the devil can make me believe I cannot pray, I will never be able to pray”, I repeated.

“Emotions are nothing in the spirit realm. How you feel when it comes to spiritual matters is non of God’s business. Don’t get me wrong. There are times when you feel the Holy Spirit physically and enjoy emotional satisfaction in his presence. But there are also times when you kneel down to pray and those feelings are not there.

You will say, ‘chai! The heavens are closed!’ Who told you heavens are closed? So because you didn’t feel those sensations. Those goose bumps and cry in the place of worship, you conclude something is wrong.

What was wrong was not God, but your description of God as a feeling. God is not a feeling. God is a spirit and you must worship him in spirit and in truth.

And one thing that drives the spirit is called faith. You have to believe that God is always present and ready to listen to you whenever you kneel down to pray. You have to believe that God is listening to your prayers, even when there are no emotions to confirm it.

Following God is an act of faith. Walking with God is by faith, not by sight or feelings. There are times when you spend time with God and you feel his presence around. Soon, you start telling yourself that whenever that feeling comes, it means God is there. That’s idolatry.

You’ve made an idol out of that supernatural experience and God who will never share his glory with anything is forced to withdraw that experience from you. He does so, so you can focus on him again.

So because you had a feeling and cried during worship section that means God was there? What a limited perception of God’s presence. So whenever there are no feelings, no screaming, no vibrations or sensations in your body, it means God went on holiday?

You have to first of all believe in your heart that God is right there with you, whether you feel him or not. Because the only thing that attracts God more closer to you is your faith.

Hebrews 11:6. But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him.

Another interpretation for that scripture is, without faith, it is impossible to make God happy. You have to believe that God is there with you. You have to believe that he is listening to your prayers right now.

He that cometh to God must first of all feel him, right?”

“No!”

“He that comes to God must first of all do what?”

“Believe!” I answered.

“That’s the requirement Cris. When God asked Abraham to kill Isaac, do you think Abraham did it with a smile on his face?”

“No ma!”

“I’m sure he must be crying while laying his son on the altar. But God never asked him to stop because he didn’t feel like doing it. An I correct?”

“Yes!”

“You cannot do spiritual exercises based on how you feel. You pray because you don’t have anything else to do rather than to pray. Men ought always to pray! Cris ought always to pray! Whether she feels like praying or not! Whether she’s struggling to do it or not!

Sometimes I tell the devil, that as long as he cannot hold my lips together and stop my mouth from opening and closing, he cannot stop me from praying.

Satan is always a deciever. The bible says, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Cris what did the bible says?”

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!”

“Can you pray?”

“I can pray!”

“Why?”

“Because Jesus will strengthen me!”

“Will you struggle with what to say?”

“No!”

“Why?”

“Because Christ will strengthen me”, I answered.

“So who is that demon that is telling you that you cannot pray? Who is that liar telling you that you will never be able to pray?”

I bowed my head and whispered.

“She doesn’t understand! I’m such a failure! I don’t deserve God’s mercy! I just want to die”.

“Cris! Start praying let me hear your voice”, she demanded.

I opened my mouth and wanted to pray, but I felt so heavy. I just couldn’t open my mouth. I was so depressed and hung up immediately.

I switched off the phone and threw it on the bed.

“I am tired of struggling! I am tired of rising and falling! All I want is to die! I just want to die! God please kill me!”

To be continued……..

Who told you that you cannot pray?

Who told you that because that feeling was not there God is not there?

Don’t conclude on God based on your feelings. Conclude on him by what he says in his word.

CALL UPON ME AND I WILL ANSWER AND I WILL SHOW YOU GREAT AND MIGHTY THINGS YOU DO NOT KNOW.

Please, you guys should pray for Cris oooo! I don’t know what happened to her that she wants to die.

INSPIRED BY THE BREAD OF LIFE
WRITTEN BY AYO OMOLAYO
YOUR BROTHER IN CHRIST ?

MY BABY HUSBAND : EPISODE 61 – 80

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