TEARS OF A HELPLESS WOMAN
When we got home I helped take the items in the house while Stella talked to Atusaye.
Mrs. Martin’s was in the living room and she asked me to join her as soon as I finished packing.
I quickly packed up and joined Mrs. Martins in the living room.
“How are you dear?” She greeted me.
“Am well thank you” I responded as I settled on the couch.
“Dear I called you here to let you know that my sisters will be coming back this evening. They have some big personalities but they are very nice. One of them is your age mate actually and the other one is slightly older” she said.
“Well I just wanted to tell you that” she said.
“Oh OK.. Thank you Mrs. Martins” she said.
I was ready for another chapter with the ladies around, maybe that would help me forget about Atusaye
When I stepped outside Stella and Atusaye were still talking so I bypassed them to go to my apartment.
“When people are talking you join in the conversation” Stella said teasingly.
“No I’m good” I responded as I passed.
“You promised to take me for a drink” Stella said to Atusaye.
I did not bother to hear Atusaye’s response as I walked on, it was really none of my business.
Stella came to get her few items saying she was going for a drink with Atusaye. She had just knocked off so I figured she was telling the truth.
Reading was my comfort so every time I had a lot on my mind I chose to read. However, I was feeling something different. I didn’t want to read or document my life anymore. I still wanted to write but this time I had a different view. I wanted to write how i was feeling because I was feeling something. Something I couldn’t explain.
I got a pen and a new book which I had not yet scribbled in. Thoughts went through my mind but I couldn’t come up with a title except “to whom it may concern” . Slowly inspiration came and I jotted down my feelings:
TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN.
I don’t know how I feel but I know I feel something. A lonely girl shuttered inside, I wish i could escape my reality even just for a moment and go back to that moment when he asked me to join him for dinner.
I wish I could go back to the time he met me and change my route. Maybe if I got a bus to the village I wouldn’t be feeling this way.
Am I ungrateful? How can I describe this feeling?. Its a feeling that over powers me. I could give up on everything i have just to live that night once More. Oh life! How selfish can you be?. One moment you wave happiness in my face and the next minute I am breathing pain.
I long for that day and night, for when he fed me that cake the whole world stopped and when he held my hand its like heaven was clapping for me.
I hate to admit my feelings and in fact I hate to even have these feelings. Lonely be no my heart or my body will grow weary. I’m not ungrateful.. I’m just a girl who doesn’t understand her feelings.
As I prepared dinner in the main house my heart ached as I counted the hours that Atusaye had been out. What was wrong with me? Atusaye was engaged and very much taken.
I had never felt this way for anybody and I was worried this feeling would hurt me eventually.
Just went I was getting done with dinner Atusaye came home with Clara and Joy. The ladies were beautiful and very friendly.
They were excited to be home and they quickly introduced themselves.
“My name is Clara I come after Atusaye” Clara said
“And am Joy, I’m the baby of the family” she giggled.
“I am Mwansa the house maid…”
“No no you don’t use that word, you are family” Joy interrupted.
“We don’t have maids here” Joy added.
Atusaye had gone straight to the bedroom when they arrived.
I started setting the table and the ladies offered to help making my job easier. I was impressed at how good the girls were to me.
Mr and Mrs Martin’s had not left there room until it was time for supper.
Mr. Martin’s asked me to stay behind for supper and i joined everyone one on the dinner table.
It was very weird sitting opposite Atusaye as we both tried to ignore each other. Everyone kept conversation except Atusaye and I.
“Atu it’s very unusual for you to be quiet.. What’s happening?” Clara teased.
“I’m enjoying my food” he responded without looking at her.
After dinner the ladies offered to do the dishes and I went to my apartment.
I was just about to tack in when my phone rang.
” hai please come outside ” Atusaye said.
“Outside where?” I asked.
Outside the gate. I’m parked outside the gate. I want us to talk somewhere will be back shortly” he said.
“But where are we going it’s late and Mrs. Martins might..’
” she is sleeping” he interrupted.
“No.. I can’t.. I’m sorry” I responded before hanging up.
My heart raced and every part of me wanted to go but I couldn’t. After saying a short quick prayer I turned my phone off and covered my face.
Suddenly I heard a loud bang almost like someone was trying to break down my door.
I quickly opened the door and there he was, my weakness.
‘Mwansa if you don’t want to come with me then you and I will talk from here” he said.
“Its not safe here we might give the security guard unnecessary ideas” I opposed.
“Then you know what to do” he said.
“OK let me change I’m coming” I responded.
Atusaye sat and waited on my door step as I changed…
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