TEARS OF A HELPLESS WOMAN
EPISODE 26
That night I hardly slept, Atusaye was out of my life but my heart was far from being at peace. I felt a grief inside and I couldn’t explain what it was. What surprised me was that i felt calm about Atusaye but something else felt strange inside. Maybe my mind was playing tricks on me.
It was too much and slowly started becoming unbearable.
I forced myself to sleep that night but I couldn’t and calling Atusaye was the last thing I wanted to do. I was going to see him the following morning anyway so I didn’t have to bother him.
I kept tossing and turning in my bed and I finally decide to start browsing through old pictures in my phone. Most of my pictures were taken with Atusaye and now I felt worse.
Luckily when it was almost 2am I managed to dose off and slept.
I rushed to shower the moment I got up, it was only 40minutes before Atusaye could arrive and I didn’t want to delay him.
After getting ready and making sure everything was packed, I checked out of the hotel and waited in the lounge while I had some coffee.
It was time for him to come and he did not show up. I waited for an hour to no avail.
It was unlike Atusaye to behave like that, he never disappointed me like that. Atusaye was one smart man with time and he always teased me when I was late.
The worst part was that I did not have the line he was using in Nigeria. However, he had mentioned the hotel he was booked in so I took a taxi that took me there.
Panicking and not knowing what to do I rushed to the reception and asked what room he was in.
The receptionist mentioned that Atusaye was a resident at that hotel but didn’t come back the previous night.
After begging the receptionist, she gave me the number he was using and I decided to call him.
The phone rang the first time with no answer. I called again and on the fourth attempt someone picked up.
“Halo.. How are you related to the owner of the phone?” A female voice answered.
I was annoyed and ready to yell. Was Atusaye having an affair in Nigeria? Or did he come with another woman?.
If this was his other woman, I was ready to stage a show in Nigeria and I would be deported back to Zambia in no time. How could he move on so soon…
“I’m his wife and you are?” I asked rudely.
“Well madam you need rush to the main hospital right now. Your husband was in an accident last night..” The woman said.
My heart crushed and I suddenly became weak.
“Madam can i talk to him please” I begged.
“He is in too much pain and he can’t talk right now, just be here as fast as you can”.. The lady said before hanging up.
With the help of the receptionist, I rushed to Atusaye’s room and I picked his bag before dashing out to the hospital.
My heart bled seeing the man I love so dearly lying down speechless and in so much pain. He made no movement or expression to show that he had seen me. His eyes just stared in my direction.
I became so weak and tears rolled down my cheeks. I cried bitterly until the nurse moved me outside.
” you are not supposed to cry like that. Pray for him. You have the power as his wife to stand in the gap for him. Don’t mourn in front of him.. He may not be able to move or talk to you but he can clearly hear you. If you know his favourite song sing it to him gently but most importantly pray for him” the nurse said.
“What is wrong with him nurse? Is he going to be OK? I mourned.
” my dear look at me.. Do you believe in God?” She asked me.
“Yes I do with all of my heart” I responded.
“Do you trust that he can do exceedingly and abundantly above all that you can ever ask?”
“Yes… I do…” I cried.
“Then wipe those tears and ask for God’s strength.. Go in there and be strong for your spouse. Pray my dear pray” she said.
When the nurse walked away I said a short panicking prayer and called Clara.
Clara couldn’t hold herself and she burst into tears. She assured me that they would take the first plane to Nigeria.
I went back to check on Atusaye and as I looked at him I regretted asking him to be my friend. How could I do that?
I sat by the bedside and held his hand.
“Honey.. I give up.. I give up on all life has thrown at me… I admit today that you are the man God has destined for me and if you can hear me Atusaye I want you to know that I love you. I love you with all of my heart. I love you so much that I am willing to take your place in this bed and bear the pain for you”.. I said calmly as tears rolled down my cheeks.
” my love, my husband to be.. Get well soon .. How will we have a wedding with you in this state..” I cried.
Without even realising it, I calmly started singing Israel’s song “hold on” . The song Atusaye had dedicated to me when we first fell in love.
“Fili eko tuleya nigwililile chabe baby… Ma pressure ni normal basiye chabe batiseke..”
My eyes were closed and as I sang tears rolled down my cheeks… all the way down to my neck.
What more pain could surpass this?. You really never know how strong you are until being strong is your only option.
I felt a slight movement as I was still holding Atusaye, it felt like he moved his finger. But I continued singing in disbelief.
“Suddenly I felt him grip my hand really tight and I opened my eyes.
” nurse! Nurse!” I called out.
The nurse came running with the doctor.
“He’s moving.. His moving..” I shouted.
The doctor commanded the nurse to take me outside while he started working on Atusaye. I could see Atusaye struggling to breath and I mourned terribly as the nurse led me outside.
I threw myself on the lawn as I cried our to God in prayer.
“Jesus!!! Jesus!!!.. Save him please!. Save the man I love so much or take me too. Why did you give him to me if you knew you would never allow us the chance to be happy??? Answer me Lord!!!!!” I mourned.
I said so many things as I begged God to save Atusaye’s
A woman ran to me and she comforted me. I couldn’t hear everything she was saying as she wasn’t very fluent in English but she was asking me to be strong.
When I was no longer crying the woman asked to leave as she needed to get back to work, she was a cleaner at the hospital.
Thoughts remained flashing on my mind of Atusaye in our happiest moments and even the saddest moments.
I was holding Atusaye’s jacket in my hands that he wore the night of the accident and it was ripped badly. I threw it over my legs that were getting cold and I was astonished to see something fall out of the jacket.
It was a small red box.
When I opened it inside was a silver and diamond ring. I couldn’t believe my eyes when I pulled it out and noticed it had engravings inside that read “I love you Mwansa”.
This man loved me so much and I had been so blind to see. Why was our love tested so much?.
Pain filled my heart again and tears started falling. I slipped the ring on my finger and k!ssed it.
“Madam… Madam… Please come with me” I heard the nurse call out.
I quickly wiped my tears, got up and rushed after her.
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