A Marriage Of Hate?
Chapter 08
Julianna?
A week later.
I walked into the stables to find Killian brushing Cerberus’s black coat. He ran his fingers through the stallion’s mane and he spoke softly to it.
I slowly backed away when both Cerberus and Killian’s gaze snapped up to mine.
Oh well, too late to make myself scarce now.
His eyes rove over my riding outfit, from my black shirt, tucked into the waistband of my tight, brown riding trousers, down to my legs and boots.
I ignored the way my stomach fluttered and I stalked over to Ragna.
I still haven’t forgotten what he said to me a week ago, or what he did in the labyrinth.
That… kss.
That stupid kss.
To this day, my lips still tingled and the kss was still seared into my brain.
Alright, it wasn’t a real kss. My veil had been in the way, but I still felt his lips on mine.
Over the week, we were courteous with each other. Sure, he still threw in a few insults here and there, because he was Killian Spencer, after all.
He couldn’t be a gentleman without also being a j erk.
But I knew the only reason he was being ‘nice’ to me was because Gideon was reporting, every second of our days, back to Killian’s father.
So, we had to play a little game. A pretty lie and a perfect ruse.
To show Gideon and William that we were finally getting along, slowly falling in love and finally acting like a real married couple.
Except, the truth couldn’t be further from that.
We were still very much volatile together.
Killian’s hatred for me still simmered underneath his skin, waiting for the right moment to burst through.
His rage still flickered in his dark eyes. His smiles were as wicked and as cold as the winter days.
There was a darkness in him that called out to me. But there was nothing romantic about it, for I was neither his light nor his peace.
In fact, I was the exact opposite. I was the reason there was darkness in him. His dead heart was my doing and I couldn’t undo it, not when Killian was still so hellbent on tormenting and exacting his vengeance.
I led Ragna out of her stall by her bridle.
Cerberus let out a loud breath and he perked up at the sight of Ragna. My mare strutted closer to Cerberus and they eyed each other with keen interest.
Like the tease she was, Ragna brushed her body against Cerberus and the stallion let out a snort in response. But Ragna was already prancing away.
My lips pressed together, holding back a laugh when my mare paused a short distance from Cerberus and Killian.
Her attention was still on the stallion, but she was playing hard to get.
“You’re being difficult on purpose, my love,” I whispered to her, running my hand over her white coat.
“If your mare doesn’t stop teasing my stallion, I will have to do something about it,” Killian warned thickly.
“It’s not Ragna’s fault that your horse won’t take a hint,” I said.
Killian scratched his horse behind his ear and his voice had deepened when he spoke again.
“Cerberus doesn’t play games.”
“And Ragna just wants some loving,” I shot back. “Maybe if your stallion wasn’t as grumpy as you…”
“Cerberus is fine the way he is,” Killian snapped.
I rolled my eyes. I guessed he was protective of his horse. Like I was with Ragna. At least we had something in common.
I took in the sight of Cerberus. He was almost twice as big as my mare.
His black coat was shiny and he was imposingly tall.
His mane was long and silky, as was his tail.
“He’s a beautiful horse,” I praised and I meant it.
“He is,” Killian agreed, still brushing Cerberus.
I did the same with Ragna. “How did he come into your possession?”
“I found him as an injured foal about ten years ago. His front leg was broken and he was left to die in the snow,” he explained, giving the stallion a look that could easily be described as adoration.
“I fixed him up and he grew attached to me. Didn’t want to leave when I tried to send him away to someone else. So, I kept him. He was brought to the island about four years ago. I don’t have much time to ride horses, anyway.”
Of course, he didn’t.
Killian was the heir to all of Spencer’s foundations and businesses, including all the wealth that came with it.
His father was slowly starting to retire and now that William was practically on his deathbed, Killian was already taking over. He was a busy man, after all.
“Grace used to be scared of horses,” Killian said, his voice surprisingly soft.
“You’re not.”
I swallowed against the lump that seemed to lodge itself in my throat.
The fluttering in my stomach ceased and my muscles tensed. Every time Gracelynn had been brought up… my somewhat peaceful moment with Killian would fall apart, disintegrate into ashes.
And this time, Gideon was right there, tending to the other horses. He was within hearing distance and he was watching both us with keen attention.
Ragna lowered her head to me, bumping into my shoulder.
I rubbed the side of her neck, giving her a gentle smile.
“If you keep comparing Gracelynn to me, you’ll continue to find that we’re two completely different people,” I whispered.
“I see that.” His hoarse baritone voice reverberated through my bones.
I pressed my forehead against Ragna’s. She let out a small breath and I closed my eyes, my heart feeling heavier than ever.
“We are both miserable in this marriage, Killian.”
He made a sound in the back of his throat, almost dismissively.
“Miserable or not, you’re stuck in this marriage, Beasty.”
I hadn’t been talking about me though.
Guilt charred inside of me, simmering like lava inside my belly. Killian deserved better than this fake marriage.
He deserved a second chance at love… even though, that woman wasn’t me.
A shuddering breath rattled through my chest and I finally had the courage inside of me to say the one thing I had been dying to say since the day of our engagement.
“You’re not as unlovable as you make yourself out to be,” I finally spoke, feeling the way my chin wobbled and my hands shook.
I peeked at Killian to see his nostrils flaring and his jaw tightening.
“The man my sister loved is still there, hidden somewhere underneath your skin and that cold exterior of yours. True, me and you can’t ever be together. Not with our tarnished past. But I hope one day, you can find love again. The kind of love that makes you a soft person and the kind of love that makes you want to be a better man. You deserve a love that’s not stained with sins or ugly lies and horrible secrets.”
He let out a chuckle, without any warmth, and so cold it almost gave me frostbite.
“That’s a pretty speech you have there, Beasty,” Killian mocked. “Very well-practiced, I have to say.”
Why was I even surprised that this was his response? I didn’t exactly hate Killian, but while I was trying my best to get along with him, he was just making it so dmn hard.
“Why do you have to turn everything I say into something ugly?”
“Give me the heir I need, and we can go our separate ways,” Killian responded coolly, as if it was just that – a matter-of-fact and not a life-changing decision.
I took a step away from Ragna and approached him and his horse.
“Would you really let me go?”
He tsked, cocking his head to the side.
“We’ll live our separate lives, but I won’t give you a divorce,” he amended.
“Why not?” I asked, genuinely curious why he could live his separate life but he still wanted to be attached to me, in some way, even in name only.
“No divorce,” he deadpanned.
“So, you can continue tormenting me?”
His lips widened with a wicked grin, so malicious, so cold.
“Exactly. See, you’re a smart girl. Why do you like to act so stupid sometimes?”
“Why do you have to act like a jerk, all the time?” I shot back, tempted to snap at him but I reined in my anger.
One of us had to stay cool, one of us had to hold back because the last time we both lost control…
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It ended up with my walls torn down, me sobbing in his arms… and him kssing me to shut me up. Whatever the outcome was, Killian Spencer always ended with the upper hand and I was left vulnerable.
“It’s part of my charm,” he drawled.
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t find it charming at all.”
As I grew closer to Cerberus, he eyed me doubtfully.
I was right to call him grumpy. He didn’t get along with anyone except Killian.
Even Gideon was only allowed to bathe him and brush his coat. If the older man had as much as tried to mount him, the stallion would have bucked him off and not so nicely either.
Killian’s eyes briefly darted to me before he went back to petting Cerberus.
“When will you realize, Beasty, that I could care less what you think of me?”
“Tormenting me has really become your favorite hobby, hasn’t it?” I asked, even though I already knew the answer.
Bitterness dripped in my words and even I heard them clearly.
My lungs squeezed the breath out of me.
“It’s boring here, on this island,” Killian responded, his voice shockingly soft, but I didn’t let it fool me.
Killian was a dangerous creature. “So, I had to find a new hobby.”
“I’m pretty sure that was your way of calling me interesting enough to be Killian Spencer’s hobby.”
“Only you would turn an insult into praise.”
My lips twitched with a ghost of a smile. “It’s just a unique ability I was born with.”
Killian let out a sound that sounded something between a laugh and an insult.
Cerberus made a defensive snort, always angrily, when I got too close to him. I slowly started to back away, hands up in the universal surrender sign.
“Easy boy, I’m not going to hurt you.”
Killian paused.
His eyes flickered past my shoulder and they widened, horror washing over his face.
I dropped my hands, my heart dipping into my stomach as coldness washed over me, freezing the blood in my veins.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up and…
It all happened in slow motion.
Cerberus let out a loud neigh, as if he could feel his master’s tension and fear.
He threw his front legs up, before slamming them down.
Killian ran toward me.
I stumbled away from Ragna.
A gunshot roared through the air, loud and clear, paralyzing me.
My husband slammed into me, spinning us around, and I tipped over.
My eyes squeezed shut and I let out a piercing scream, bracing myself for the fall.
The moment I was flung onto the ground, my breath left my lungs with a loud whoosh and Killian collapsed on top of me.
My back felt like it had been scraped raw and every muscle in my body tightened in pain.
I laid there, for a second too long, unblinking, unmoving.
I stared at the sky as my head spun and the world swayed.
A short whimper escaped my throat.
What… just… happened?
There were more screams and Gideon rushed past me, as I tried to understand what was happening.
The scene, from the moment Killian’s eyes widened to the moment he flung us onto the ground, each second of it flashed in front of my eyes like a black and white Polaroid picture.
We were shot at?
No, someone tried to shoot me from behind.
And Killian… saved me.
I brought a hand up to my face, my hand slamming over my mouth as I shivered uncontrollably.
The pins holding my veil had come undone, with the lace fabric no longer covering my face.
I panicked, a shuddering breath leaving my lungs, as my arm shot out and I blindly searched for my veil.
It was then I realized that Killian was laying still on top of me, his body weight crushing me into the ground.
“Killian?” I whispered, but I was met with silence.
With all my might, I rolled him off my body. He let out a pained groan, his eyes clenched tightly.
I ran my gaze over his face, before my eyes swept over his body to examine him. From head to toe.
“Oh my God,” I gasped, when I finally saw the reason why he was in pain.
His pristine white shirt was stained with… bl ood. “Oh God! No!”
I practically ripped open his shirt, searching for the wound. The left side of his stomach was covered in bl ood. A bullet wound.
Realization slammed into me and my body went so cold, my teeth clattered and I was shaking uncontrollably.
Killian didn’t just save me from getting shot, he took an actual bullet for me.
I was trembling from head to toe when Gideon came back, crouching down next to us.
“Are you okay, Julianna?”
“I – I don’t know… he… Killian got shot.”
I could feel the panic rising, like a cluster of sparks going out, flickering in the pit of my stomach.
Gideon grasped my shoulders, turning me to face him.
“Help is on the way. Calm down, little one. You’re shaking.”
I wrenched myself from his arms and collapsed on top of Killian. I gathered his face into my palms.
“Killian, wake up. Open your eyes, please!”
I begged, sobbing.
I pleaded, wailing.
The tears spilled down my cheeks.
My breathing came out more rapid, more shallow.
I had to remind myself to calm down, but I couldn’t.
Oh God! I tried to slow down the swaying, the spinning world, to do something my brain and my body could cope with. But the numbness took over.
“Killian…”
“He’s going to be okay.” The voice seemed to call out from far away, yet Gideon was right next to me.
I couldn’t focus on him.
“He’s hurt. I – he’s hurt because of me.” My stomach heaved and I felt sick.
“No, no. No!”
Frantically, I pressed my hands against Killian’s bullet wound.
“I have… to… put pressure, right? Right? He can’t bleed too much. If he bleeds too much…. He can’t. Put… pressure. Need to…”
My sentences were fragmented; my voice sounded lost and crazy even to my own ears.
“Please… don’t die. Please. Please. Please. You can’t leave me too. Please. Killian… Killian. Killian.”
I didn’t notice that more people had arrived at the scene until arms were grabbing me from behind, pulling me off Killian’s body.
He out a small groan, his eyes finally blinking open, but they were glassy in pain. It was almost like he couldn’t see me, like he was lost somewhere else.
“Killian!” I screamed.
But the moment he turned his face toward me, Gideon spun me around. Later, I would realize why he didn’t let Killian see me.
My body felt strange, too numb, too cold, shaking too much as the older man pinned my veil back in place.
The pressure on my chest tightened, almost like it was squeezing the life out of me.
That was exactly how it felt. Like the grim reaper himself dragging my soul out of my frail body.
I watched as two men helped Killian stand. He said something to them, but I didn’t hear their whispering.
They walked away with my husband and my gaze darted to the blood on my hands.
Stained.
Bloody.
Tainted.
Messy.
I tumbled forward into Gideon’s arms, quivering and no longer in control of myself.
My mind was just… empty. Numb.
Darkness shrouded me.
And my body seized up.
A MARRIAGE OF HATE: Chapter 1 – 10
Killian?
“We found her,” Samuel said, walking into my room with a frown on his face and his jaw locked tight.
“In the woods and she’s dead. Gunshot in the side of her head. It looks like suicide, there’s no other explanations. We didn’t find any other footprints in the dirt and there was no one else in the area.”
I remembered the scene so vividly. One second Julianna was bantering with me, and then I saw her.
One of the maids – standing about ten feet away from the stables, gun in her hand, pointed at the back of my wife’s head.
Adrenaline still coursed through my body. Getting shot hurt.
And Julianna could have seriously been injured.
Worst, she could have…died. That gunshot would have been fatal to her if I hadn’t gotten to her in time.
I didn’t know why that bothered me, when I could care less if she continued to breathe or not.
But my body had acted against my will. The sudden and fierce need to protect her, I didn’t know where that came from.
I blamed it on the adrenaline. I blamed it on the weakness of a moment.
Whether I loathed her or not, she was still my wife. Her name was attached to mine and people would question and whisper if she was found dead on the island while I was also here.
Killian Spencer couldn’t save Julianna, they’d say behind my back.
Killian’s wife was assassinated in front of his own eyes, they’d whisper.
The common people would twist the story until the simple truths would become bitter lies.
The high society would eat up the rumors and drag my name into the dirt.
The absolute look of lunacy on the maid’s face still flickered in my mind. I tried to sift through my memories, attempting to figure out if her face was familiar, if she was someone I knew – but I was drawing blanks.
The maid was nobody…
But why would she try to shoot Julianna?
And why suicide?
“I want every person on this island questioned,” I hissed, my wound burning like acid had been poured onto my flesh.
“And if words leave this island, if anyone else finds out about this, I will personally fire every single person in this place and I will make sure they never find a job anywhere else. Understood? Make it known. Warn everyone.”
Samuel’s brows furrowed. “Are you sure she didn’t try to shoot you? I mean, why Julianna? It’s possible she didn’t act on her own and was hired by someone else.”
“The gun was pointed at her; I saw it clearly. I wasn’t anywhere in range. I was behind Cerberus.”
Julianna had been the one in the open, vulnerable.
Goddmn it.
“Who tried to kill my wife and why?” I growled, fury burning through my veins. I was incensed.
“You seem awfully caring for someone who claims he hates his wife,” Samuel drawled, almost mockingly.
He handed me a glass of water and I quickly gulped it down before handing the glass back to him.
“I hate her,” I said, reaffirming my feelings for Julianna.
Samuel raised an eyebrow in question.
“Then why did you take a bullet for her?”
Samuel had been working for me for six years.
He was my bodyguard – but not exactly. More like he just followed me everywhere.
He was a friend and a foe sometimes, because while he didn’t usually question me, he also had a habit of speaking his mind without thinking of the consequences.
I was his boss, after all. But the moron acted like he didn’t give a crap that I could easily fire him.
Not that I wanted to. He was one the few people I actually trusted, but sometimes, he really got on my nerves.
I held a hand over my injury, wincing only slightly as the wound burned.
“Because she’s my wife.”
“I don’t get it. The more I try to understand your relationship with her, the more confused I become,” Samuel said, pulling his medical kit in front of him.
“I’m gonna have to stitch you up without anesthesia.”
I unbuttoned my white shirt, that was now dirty and bloodied, to give Samuel access to my bullet wound.
He was good at what he did, but this was going to hurt like a motherfker without anesthesia.
Trying to distract myself while he got his stuff ready, I focused on his previous words.
“Don’t try to understand mine and Julianna’s relationship. What we have is nothing short of destruction. That’s what we are together – pure chaos.”
My teeth ground together as Samuel removed the bullet and stitched the wound.
I ignored the needle going through my flesh as the scene replayed in my head again.
“How’s Julianna?” I practically gritted out as he finished with the last stitch.
“She’s safe. Just shaken up a bit with some bruises and scrapes,” Samuel said with a sigh.
“I already told you that; this is the third time you asked.”
“Her life is important to me.”
“Because your father–”
“Yes,” I barked. Samuel gave me a side-eye; he shrugged and closed his first-aid kit, after wrapping a bandage over the wound.
I balled my hands into fists and dragged the comforter over me.
“Stop giving me that look.”
He blinked innocently. “What did I do?”
My eyes started to droop and my vision blurred, my body growing weary.
I could feel the sleep pulling me under, dragging me into unconsciousness.
My head snapped to Samuel and I cursed him and his stupid grin. “You drugged me, moron.”
“Sweet dreams,” he laughed.
.
A MARRIAGE OF HATE: Chapter 1 – 10
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