ALLISON’S?
DIARY??
(Secrets ??)
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CHAPTER 29
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BY BLESSING SILVER
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?Jonas POV?
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I stopped the car.
My greatest fear hit me really hard the moment my phone subconsciously slipped from my grip. My body froze and my lips remained slightly apart as I stared into space and let Allison’s words sink more into my head.
She knew and just as I had feared, her reaction wasn’t good. I wasn’t mad that she found out, I mean she has every right to know and I was just too terrified to be the one to tell her. I wanted to, even after knowing that she’s been told I still feared explaining to her; I couldn’t, even though I should have. I was scared, very scared of reality, scared of her reaction and action and here, it’s not even a facial conversation but the hotness of it burnt me pretty bad.
I could only think of one person telling her, Anthony. It was no doubt him, apart from me; she knows just him.
At that spot and at that minute, I could only describe my life with two words; fucked up.
My head hit the steering and I let it stay that way, many thoughts ran in my head but I couldn’t process any. It was too tangled, too complicated to be loosed and I didn’t bother trying. It’s right for her to know, I mean I know I can’t be in a relationship with her, knowing that I still kept hidden something as deep as this from her, the guilt wouldn’t let me, she is just too innocent for me to not have a conscience and she was the first person I’ve ever felt such a deep attraction with. I didn’t have a conscience, at least I could boastfully say that in the past cos I’ve done many horrible things and gotten out of them with no single emotion or sympathy but knowing Allison, I felt that change about me. Apart from Gavin who witnessed it, I couldn’t reveal to anyone else how my parent died, it was like a secret I locked in deep but one kiss from her, released it, for the first time; I was able to open up that blurry part of my life to someone and let that person console me, I did that without regretting it. Personally, it was a huge change for me and I kind of wished I had told her everything at that spot. I could only wish but I knew I couldn’t. Honestly, telling her was secretly one of my biggest fear and I knew I wouldn’t be letting it out anytime soon or maybe never.
I shut my eyes on impulse, taking in a long inhale and exhale as the thoughts ran even rapidly in my head.
*I HATE YOU!*
The words rang in my head, causing a stiff frown on my face. I started the car and reversed, facing it backwards, I began driving again.
*
Hours later, I arrived at the old abandoned house, I stopped the car and climbed down before running towards the entrance. I arrived at the door and burst it open, dashing inside.
“Alli-
My words hung the moment I sighted Anthony, standing in the middle of the room like he was expecting someone.
“Hey,” he flashed me a lopsided smile. “I knew you’d come. I was expecting you” he said and at a point, a part of me wanted to just reach for him and punch him to death but then a larger part kicked against it. I took a step forward, staring directly at him.
“Why did you do it?” I asked.
“She deserved to know” he answered.
“You should’ve let me tell her myself. I feel very bad cos I didn’t” I said.
“I would’ve let you, honestly but I just couldn’t cos it was taking too long. Think about it, it wouldn’t have made a difference anyways, it wouldn’t change her feelings and reaction” he said.
“Still you-” I calmed down, taking in deep breaths to calm my nerves. “You should’ve just let me” I said.
“Well, I didn’t and it doesn’t matter to me because that’s not why I’m here,” he said.
“I want to talk to Allison” I said.
“Turn yourself in, Jonas” he said.
“What?” I asked.
“Turn yourself in and stand for us in court. Tell the cops all you know and testify against Gavin. Be on our team and every other good person out there. You’ll be doing the right thing for yourself and it could lessen your jail term, I’ll make sure it does” he said.
“What? Why will I want to testify against Gavin when I’m involved?-
“For Allison” he said but I kept mute, staring blankly at him. “Well, even if you refuse, Jonas, you’ll definitely still be on the loser side, infact you’ll be even in more shit than you can ever imagine. I have just as much evidence to bring you down-
I couldn’t help it anymore as I charged at him and took his collar tightly into my fists, staring angrily at him.
He released a short hysterical laugh. “You should take it easy, son. You don’t think I’ll come see a criminal in a place like this, alone, did you?” He smirked and I let go of his collar forcefully. He adjusted his overall outfit and began walking to the door but paused halfway and turned to me.
“You have no idea how heartbroken Allison is, you should do the right thing while you still can. You don’t find second chances all the time” he said.
“You told Allison about me so you could use me?” I asked, giving him a tight look.
“Well l-I wouldn’t exactly call it that but you’re not wrong,” he said plainly. “Why? Does it hurt your pride to be used? You used Allison too, have you forgotten that?”
“I love her!” I snapped.
“Then you should prove it to her” he said but I was quick to catch the trick.
“You can wallow in your own disappointment, Anthony. Because I’m not letting you use me. I can decide what’s right for me” I said.
“Fine!” He said, smiling and gesturing surrender with his two hands raised in the air. “But just in case, the court case is in a week time”
“I want to talk to Allison,” I said stiffly. “Please” I added, calmly.
“I can try but not today nor tomorrow. She’s still hurting a lot. She must’ve trusted you even more than I had thought,” he said. “And while you wait, try to go into some more thinking” he said and I tore my gaze away from him and walked out. Reaching outside, I head to my car and got into it.
It was slightly pitch dark when I hit the road aimlessly, I needed the ride to get the occupying thoughts off, the wind gushing in through the window, helped a lot and I added more speed, driving towards no direction.
The road was close to empty and the very few cars I could find on it, I always overtook as soon as I reached them.
At a point during the drive, I thought of Allison and imagined how she must be feeling or what she must think of me apart from the words she said and when I saw it, I shook the thought away, adding more speed.
The ride went on for a long time, I couldn’t exactly point how much but my palm knuckles started to hurt and get weak and my eyes began itching from too much straining, I knew I needed rest but I didn’t want to stop so I just ignored the hurt and kept driving.
Tears, gathered in my eyes, as if pleading with me to relieve it and if not for the fact that the tears blurred my vision I was pretty sure I would’ve kept the ride going. I parked across the road and wiped my eyes, more tears threatened to pour with a completely different reason but I was quick to wipe it. I stretched my palms, straightened it and was starting the car again but it only jerked, released an ugly roar and stopped.
“Shit!” I cussed, tears gathering in my eyes again.
How can this happen right now? How do I refill the tank if it won’t even move and just why now?!
I hit the steering, shaking the thoughts off, I placed my tired head on it and shut my eyes; shutting the thoughts
*
My eyes instantly flung open as the loud ringing of my phone reached my hearing, I rubbed my sleepy eyes and picked the phone up. It was Zoe. I answered..
“Geez Jonas! Where are you and why weren’t you answering my calls?! I’ve been calling you for hours!” She asked loudly.
“Why are you calling me?” I asked.
“Do you know what time it is? Why aren’t you home?” She asked. I pulled the phone from ear and glanced at the time, my eyes widened a little. *3:02*
“Jonas? Hey! Did you leave me hanging?”
I placed the phone on my ear.
“I won’t be coming home, I told you that already. It’s late so I’m hanging up”
“Don’t you dare hang up on m-
I ended the call and silenced my phone before dropping it.
Rubbing my eyes again, I took out my phone and searched for close by motels and recommendations. I found one but realised it might be too late to check-in.. I pushed my head backward until it met with the headrest, I moistened my lips with my tongue and closed my eyes, letting out a huge sigh.
BY BLESSING SILVER.
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