Amazing is how fast time flies. Three weeks had past after my hitting Alicia without her showing signs of ever contemplating to sign the divorce papers. She was really one hard shell to crack.
At times, I found myself thinking about telling her everything from the Daniel Mkandawire affair to the Webster Habeenzu blackmail. And then what? What would Alicia do that I couldn’t have done on my own? And things just had to go from bad to worse now that Angie was carrying my child. Why couldn’t Alicia just budge and sign the divorce papers already?
I woke up on a Monday morning and showered. After applying cream on my body, I dressed up. Black suit, white shirt and black and red striped necktie to be precise. On my feet were shiny black mocassins. Of course Alicia had nothing to do with how smart I now looked thanks to my banning her from ever touching my clothes. I was pulling every stunt that could drift her away from me but my efforts all went in vain.
I went to the kitchen where I found Alicia and Mulenga the maid busy doing some chores. Alicia was standing over the stove frying bacon while Mulenga was peeling sweet potatoes.
“Good morning, darling. I prepared you your favourite breakfast, shall I serve it?”
I shoved my hands into my pockets and exasperated. Why couldn’t Alicia just quit playing housewife already? Of course she knew there was no way I was eating her food but she still insisted on serving me. Deep down I did crave her amazing delicacies to the core. Let me not even get started on what a bad cook Angie was. To think that I was going to make her my wife whether I liked it or not almost drove me insane.
I cleared my throat and was as rude as I could be. “I don’t like your cooking, Alicia. The sooner you accept this the better. It’s either there’s too much oil in your food or too much salt or maybe it’s too bland. Geez,” I shuddered as I wrenched the fridge open. I pulled out a loaf of bread and a packet of pure joy. “I’d rather eat shit than your tasteless food. You’re totally useless, Alicia. Useless!”
As I turned after closing the fridge, I stole a glance at Alicia who stood rigid on her spot looking beyond hurt. I was hurting too but my cowardice had gotten the better of me and I’d come to believe Alicia didn’t deserve me. Or should I say I was the one who didn’t deserve her? Alicia was a strong and brave woman while I was this weakling who couldn’t get himself out of some mess without hurting his almost flawless wife in the process.
Mulenga was staring at me obviously wondering if I was possessed.
I spared her one glance as I put butter on a slice of bread. “Quit staring at me and get back to work before I fire your pathetic ass.”
Mulenga flinched and continued peeling potatoes. Just then, I saw Fred standing in the doorway. He was clad in his school uniform. Fred shook his head and dashed out the kitchen.
“Fred!” Alicia called and rushed after him.
I’d just arrived at the office and had barely taken a seat when my secretary Rosemary buzzed my intercom.
“Mr. Habeenzu’s here to see you.”
I rolled my eyes to the back of my head and sighed. “Let him in.”
Even as he took his seat, I knew he’d brought more trouble. He just didn’t seem to be getting off my case any time soon. Not whilst I was still married to Alicia.
“What drama do you bring with you today?” I was past the being polite part.
Webster chuckled. “Good morning to you too. And relax, I bring no drama.”
“What a relief.” I was being sarcastic. “What do you want this time around, Webster? I just arrived and I’ve got way too many things to do so I don’t appreciate your visit one bit.”
“I wouldn’t be here if you were married to my daughter by now.”
“What do you expect me to do when you know quite too well what defiance my wife is portraying when it comes to the divorce issue?”
“Bob, I don’t know and honestly don’t care but Alicia better divorce you before matters get out of hand. I hear you’ve knocked Angie pregnant and I want you to marry her before she puts to bed. I’ll give you an ultimatum, marry my daughter in the next seven months come what may or risk losing your son,” said Webster threateningly, pulling a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it even though he knew smoking was prohibited in my office. “I’m not bluffing, Bob. You better get your wife to sign those papers asap!”
I buried my head in my palms as I watched Webster Habeenzu walk out my office door. I buzzed my secretary.
“Rose, I don’t want to be disturbed for the next one hour. Clear?”
I utilized that hour to think things through but I still ended up not getting any sensible solution to my getting out of this sticky situation. Of course telling Daniel Mkandawire about Webster’s blackmail had crossed my mind but I knew the bastards were in cahoots so that wouldn’t help me one bit. If not, it’d just worsen matters.
I didn’t work well that day and kept making mistakes with my client’s files. If things went on like this, I’d end up getting fired.
I parked right in front of Angie’s veranda as that was my usual parking spot. The time was past 6 PM and after knocking off, I’d passed through the mall just to buy Angie some fruits and other cravings of hers. Oh my, trust me when I say Angie made a fuss out of everything. Alicia never pestered me much whenever she fell pregnant but Angie saw to it that she gave me hell for knocking her pregnant.
I didn’t bother knocking and went right into Angie’s house. She had been seated on the couch munching on a raw mango which she dumped on the table upon seeing me. She flung herself at me.
“OMG, Bob! You don’t know how lonely I’ve been!”
“Hey,” I forced a smile. “I brought you some fruits.”
“That’s why I love you,” said Angie truthfully, grabbing the shopping bags from my grip. “Thanks.” she planted a light kiss on my lips and sat down. I sat too and watched as she went through what I’d bought for her.
“I’m hungry,” I honestly told her.
Unfazed, she replied, “There’s rice and some left over chicken in the fridge, you can warm them up.”
Not I, but you. I was really in shit with this girl.
And so I ended up warming my own meal. I got the DSTV remote control from Angie despite her protests and switched to BBC.
“I hope you’re spending the night here.”
“Of course I am.” I’d gotten accustomed to sleeping out after all, hurting Alicia more. I prayed she’d one day find it in her heart to forgive me for what I was doing to her.
Angie and I stayed up till 10 PM when we finally decided to retire to bed. Once we were in the bedroom, Angie grabbed me into her arms and began kissing me as if there was no tomorrow. She made me sit on the bed and got her way with seducing me such that I felt my boxers go wet. Just when I was about to start undressing her, she slapped my right hand.
“Why, huh Angie? I wanna make you mine.”
She vigorously shook her head and got off me. “Not tonight.”
Was she being for real? “Why not?”
“Cause there’s something I’d like you to do for me, Bob.”
“You know I can do anything for you, Angie babe. Why don’t we have ourselves some wild time and then we can discuss whatever it is that you want us to discuss?”
“I’m sorry but as I said, you ain’t getting laid tonight,” said Angie, wearing a serious expression. “Bob, I want you to marry me as soon as possible and move in with me. I don’t care whether Alicia divorces you or not.”
“Are you insane?” I asked with my eyes bulged out. “You know too well I cannot do that! That’s illegal, Angie.”
“Then get Alicia to divorce you! Now, I want to sleep so you better get going.”
I glanced at the wall clock in disbelief. “It’s past 10 PM. Besides, aren’t you the one who suggested I spend the night here?”
“I don’t give a d–n what the time is, Bobby!” Angie snapped. “Just leave my house and come back when you think things through. And one more thing, don’t dare get on my wrong side, Bob. I swear you won’t like the wild version of me.”
I wanted to say, “There’s a wilder version than this your normal self?” but I refrained from doing so. I only grabbed my clothes, dressed up and shamefully left her place.
As I drove home, I was so h—y, frustrated and confused that I ended up driving like a lunatic.
I wasn’t shocked to find Alicia still wide awake at that awkward hour. She had obviously stayed up just to wait for me.
“Bob,” she said as soon as I set foot in our bedroom. “There’s something I-” I cut her short as I ended up taking her into my arms and kissing her like my life depended on that one kiss.
We wound up making passionate love and it felt right to finally enter her after so long. WTF, why did my life have to be so complicated?
When I woke up the following morning, I found Alicia seated beside my once sleeping form, smiling.
“Good morning,” I heard myself say. “Just to clarify things-”
“Sshhh,” Alicia placed a finger on my lips. “I know.”
She got out of bed and went to the bedside drawer where she removed the divorce papers and grabbed a pen. She sat back beside me.
“That was goodbye sex we had last night, right?” She suppressed a giggle. “Where should I sign?”
Beyond shocked as to how she was suddenly willing to sign them papers, I sat up too.
“Here,” I pointed at the spot.
“Oh yeah,” Alicia mumbled and signed. “There we go. You’re free!”
I couldn’t comprehend what was going on. So this was it, she had finally signed the papers. And then what would come next?
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