BLAME IT ON THE PAIN : EPISODE 61 – 70

BLAME IT ON THE PAIN : EPISODE 61 – 70

EPISODE 67

(Jackson)

I’ve thought about having Alyssa bound and ga gged quite a lot since I first met her.

I just never thought I’d be partaking in it to get her to stop screaming such god awful, vile things to me in the middle of a parking garage.

And the fact that she actually thinks I would hurt her? Or worse, ki ll her?

I just don’t have the words to express what that does to me.

I wanted to bash my own head through a wall right after I saw what Ricardo and I did to her when she jumped in the middle of our fi ght. I’ve never felt like such an id!ot but I didn’t even see her. H’ll, I didn’t even know she was standing in the room because I was too worked up about Ricardo and his possible involvement.

And of course, the fact that my best friend was in the middle of surgery and the doctors had just told us there was a chance he wouldn’t make it.

Then that sht happened.

Then she looked at me the way she did.

I figured she just needed space because of what happened but when I came back, she was different.

I saw her talking with Shelby and then she just collapsed.

I thought she was having a reoccurring symptom due to still being sick. Then she walked over to Lou-Lou and held her hand. Fking Lou-Lou, the girl she basically hates. She’d rather hold her hand than mine while I’m going through all this sht.

I knew something wasn’t right.

And when she gave me a different look—a look that could have ki lled me dead right where I stood and threatened to have me hauled off to jail over an accident…I knew I was fked.

I knew that somehow…she had figured out the truth.

Then I heard the news about Tyrone and although I’m beyond relieved that he’s alive…I know that when he wakes up and processes everything, he’s going to be inconsolable. I’m inconsolable for him but I’ll be there for him and whatever he needs.

The last thing I wanted to do was have it out with Alyssa, I wanted to stay by my best friend’s side. Momma told me to go and said he’d probably be out of it until sometime tomorrow, but I still wanted to stay.

Then Alyssa mentioned going back to her own apartment and I knew this sht had to be dealt with tonight. She wasn’t cutting me any kind of slack and I sure as h’ll wasn’t losing her without a fi ght.

However, when she said those things to me in the parking garage? Spewing such hurtful things, things like I was the one who ki lled Lilly and she wanted to know where I buried her body. That was the closest I’d ever come to wanting to h it a female.

I settled for throwing her in the passenger seat and covering her vicious mouth with duct tape, instead.

Since she had no choice but to remain silent throughout the drive, I took the opportunity to put myself in her place.

That only made me feel like a shthead. Of course, she would think I was setting her up, regardless of the fact that she was the one who walked into his club. The fact is, DeLuca’s been the metaphorical boogie man to her ever since she was a child. She knows first-hand what he’s capable of.

No wonder she didn’t push further after I said it wasn’t his club. She completely dropped it and never asked me again. A part of me thinks that she didn’t want it to be his club, because he scares the absolute sht out of her, with good reason.

I can’t help but think that if she knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was his club, then a big part of her would feel like she’d have no choice but to avenge her father’s death…even if it ended up in her murder.

Which let’s face it…it most definitely would.

That’s one h’ll of a demand to put on yourself, especially after going through everything that she already has. Not to mention Ford’s own method of brainwashing that he did.

She was probably relieved when I told her that DeLuca wasn’t the owner. Grateful that she had a few more minutes on the clock before her time was up.

Putting myself in her place puts it into perspective for me.

She’s still trembling and I wish that I could hold her, but I know she needs to hear about my involvement with DeLuca before she’ll let that happen.

If she’ll ever let that happen.

“Everything I told you about Lilly is the truth. With the exception of me getting off on self-defense.” She looks confused so I continue, “I was going down for both Mike and Lilly’s mu rder,” I say as her eyes open wide.

Maybe now she’ll realize how much those things she said hurt me. “I didn’t ki ll Lilly, Alyssa.”

“I know,” she whispers. “I know that now. I just don’t know why you would lie to me, Jackson. I loved you. I trusted you. Why would you set me up?”

Her voice is so small and broken my chest squeezes.

“I’m not setting you up, baby. I would never do that to you.”

“Tell me why you’re working for him then. Tell me why you’re continuing to work for him after you know what he did to me.”

“Because he’s the reason I’m out of jail.”

“How?”

“He was my deliverance. He paid off the judge, planted evidence to ensure that I’d walk, and hired the best defense attorney on the East Coast. H’ll, DeLuca did such a good job it didn’t even make it to trial.”

“What was the catch?”

“The catch is that I figured out that the devil doesn’t offer you deal’s, Alyssa. He only offers you an arrangement with a steep pay off. And he prefers his payment in bIood.”

She looks down and shivers. “Well, you know what they say—the d’vil was once an angel.”

“I don’t think this one ever was.”

“What arrangement did you make with him?”

Time to tell her everything.

BLAME IT ON THE PAIN : EPISODE 61 – 70

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