Written By Authoress Zion


I’m Jackson Raid: You are permitted to know only Two things about me-
I Love Alyssa and
I’m a Mur….derer


Pain. It hurts us. It pushes us. It punishes us.

Or, for the few poor souls out there like me…it defines us.

I’m not a good person.

There are no redeeming qualities about me…not anymore.

Any that I had, I’d given to the d’vil on the night that changed everything.

The night my baby sister d ied.

The night I mur dered her ki ller.

Yes, I’ve taken a life…and I would do it again in a heartbeat



I grew up in Boston. For the most part, I was just an average hard working kid trying to make it into the professional world of MMA fighting.

My mom kicked the bucket when I was 18 from a heroin overdose, and if you know where my father is…well then, give that a$shole sp erm donor a big ‘fk you’ for me.

It’s safe to say that Lilly was the only family I had.

She was four years younger than me, and I spent most of my life either looking out for her or bching about how annoying she was.

After our mom died, it was just her and I.

Who am I kidding…it was her and I since day one.

My mother’s de ath changed nothing. In fact, Lilly’s high school didn’t even question when I was the one who stepped up and filled in for all the parental duties.

Here’s where I fked up.

I let my best friend date my little sister.

Now the question is: who never fked up hands in the air..?
No hands!!!


My best friend, Mike was training to become a professional MMA fighter as well. We all grew up together, and one day, I caught him making eyes at Lilly…or rather, her making eyes at him.

Obviously, I put an end to that shpt as soon as it started.

Then she was just 14.

The next four years were filled with them making constant googly eyes at one another, but other than that- we were like the three musketeers.

Lilly would even watch us train…she was like our own personal cheerleader.

I’d see her innocent blue eyes and strawberry blonde curls routing for us at every single session.

On her 18 birthday…I caved.

“I’m in love with your sister and I swear to god, I’m going to marry her one day,” Mike said as I choked on my beer.

Before I even had time to knock him out or protest…Lilly’s 5’1, lanky frame bounced into the room and landed beside Mike.

She grabbed his hand and looked up at me. “I love him, Jackson.”

I grunted and downed the rest of my beer before I reached over and grabbed Mike by his shoulders. “Outside…now.!!!”

He let go of Lilly’s hand and followed me out to the porch.

The old wooden swing seat creaked under our weight when we sat down. “You’re 22…she’s 18.”

He laughed. “I know. But it’s really not that much of an age difference anymore, especially now that she’s legal.” He looked down at his feet. “Besides, I’ve loved her since she was 14.”

My stomach knotted and I balled my fists. “That’s disgusting.”

He rolled his eyes. “Obviously, I didn’t do anything about it, as$hole,” he said. “It’s not like that. It’s more than sx.”

My entire body tensed at those words and I stood up.

I was about two seconds away from knocking his lights out when he shouted, “Which we still haven’t had, I swear!”

We both breathed a sigh of relief then. “Look, I know I’m going to spend the rest of my life with her. Now the only question is whether you’re going to be happy and support us, or if it’s going to come to blows and we’re going to ruin a friendship over it. Not to mention, possibly ruining your relationship with your sister.”

I shook my head. “You’re a fking pri¢k.”

He gave me a wry smile. “No, I’m not, Jackson. If I was, you would have knocked my a$s out already. You know I’m a good guy. You know I’ll take care of her. I’m your best friend for crying out loud.”

I crossed my arms over my chest. “You hurt her, I’ll ki ll you. You knock her up before she’s 30, I’ll ki ll you. If you cheat on her, I’ll ki ll you. If you ever make her cry…I’ll ki ll you.”

He looked me in the eyes. “If I ever do any of those things; then, I wouldn’t want to live anyway.” He paused. “So, does this mean we have your blessing?”I halfheartedly gave a nod as I heard Lilly come bouncing out the front door.

Her smile was infectious and her eyes were gleaming.

She wrapped her arms around me tighter than she ever had before.

“I love you, big brother…this is the best birthday ever!”

I sighed and returned her hug.

For two years Mike kept his promise.

He treated her like gold and I’d never seen Lilly happier.

Both Mike and I continued to train hard, trying to make it big in the MMA Wrestling world..





For two years Mike kept his promise.

He treated her like gold and I’d never seen Lilly happier.

Both Mike and I continued to train hard, trying to make it big in the MMA wrestling world.

We trained at one of the best gyms and had a coach who swore our big break was right around the corner.

He was right.

Mike was closing in on a deal with a big time sponsor, and I was about to sign a pretty big endorsement deal with a sponsor myself.

My first professional fi ght was scheduled for one week away.

At almost 24, my dreams were finally coming true.

I was so wrapped up in my own world…I never noticed the signs.

I never noticed when my sister’s innocent blue eyes lost their sparkle.

I never noticed when her bubbly personality changed.

I almost didn’t notice when she stopped showing up to watch us train.

“What’s up with my sister? I haven’t talked to her in like two weeks. She hasn’t shown up here lately…why is that?” I asked Mike as we headed to the locker room after a training session.

Mike shrugged. “I don’t know, she’s been studying really hard. I think she wanted to go shopping today. She said something about wanting to get a new outfit for the big fi ght next week.”

I laughed. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Her boyfriend and big brother are having their first professional fi ght on the very same night.”

I knew that no matter how hard Lilly’s intense course load at Harvard was, she wouldn’t miss the fi ght for the world.

He looked down and I watched as he shifted his weight from foot to foot. “Yeah…”

Something was off. I put my hand on his shoulder. “What’s going on?”

He shrugged me off and walked toward the showers. “Just a little nervous is all,” he called out.

I finished showering before he did.

I walked over to our lockers and proceeded to get dressed. He stupidly left his locker half open…and that’s when I noticed it.

A tiny bottle of something that wasn’t labeled…along with a needle.

It didn’t take a genius to figure out what it was.

$te roids.

I swiped it from his locker and waited for him to come out. “What the fk are you doing, Mike? Are you trying to ruin your career before it even starts?” I screamed.

He looked around the locker room. “Keep your voice down. What if coach hears you?” he hissed as he reached for the bottle.

I pulled back. “Over my dead body. No way am I letting you ruin everything you’ve worked so hard for. What the fk is the matter with you? I never thought you would do something like this!”

He pu n€hed the locker beside him. “Everybody in the sports industry uses, Jackson. I’m going to stop after I win the next few fights…it’s just enough to put me on the map.”

“You’re an id!ot. You’re about to sign a deal with a big sponsor! You don’t think they’re going to test you for roids? Even more than that, you’re ruining the integrity of the sport. All sports. Passion is what should be flowing through your body…not this sht.”

“Look, some of us don’t have it like you do. Some of us need a little help from time to time. And I’m not the only athlete to ever try it, most have. It’s just a little pick me up.”

I shook my head and glared at him. “This isn’t a ‘pick me up’, this sht will send you straight to h’ll in a hand-basket. Train better, work harder…don’t do this sht.”

He sighed and slumped down on the bench. “You’re right. I fked up, I’ve just been so nervous and I’m second guessing myself. I don’t want to lose.”

I sat down next to him. “I understand. What makes you think I’m not feeling the same way? This is a huge deal for us, and it’s normal to be nervous. Use that nervous energy as positive fuel. This sht will ruin your life.”

He nodded. “Don’t tell Lilly about this, please.”

“I won’t. Besides, if she knew, the fi ght next week would be the least of your worries. I’m pretty sure she’d kick your a$s so bad you wouldn’t be able to train for weeks.”

He grinned and began changing into his street clothes. “Yup, you’re right about that. God, I love that woman.”


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