HOUSEHOLD ENEMIES
EPISODE 14
Kenny and his parents arrive early afternoon the next day. Funke’s father welcomes them as they make themselves comfortable in the old sofa in his sitting room.
Funke’s Father: “You are welcome to my house. This is not the first time you are coming to my house but you are yet to state your intentions, may what happened during your last visit never happen again.”
They all gigle as chorus ‘Amen’ as Kenny’s father gets up to speak.
Kennys father: “We come in peace. Where is the mother of the house? She should be here as what we have come for also affects her.”
Funke’s father: “Oh, there was an emergency meeting of all market women summoned by the Oba. Attendance is compulsory for all women, that is why she is not here”, he lied.
Kenny’s Father: “Okay, that is understandable. Like I said earlier, we come in peace, my inlaw. My son says there is a beautiful flower in your compound that has caught his eyes and we are here to ask what to do to pluck it.”
Funke’s father: “As you can see when you came in here, I don’t have any flower in my compound. Maybe you are in the wrong house.”
Kenny’s Father: “We are very sure we are in the right house. In fact, the flower is no other person than Funke.”
Funke’s father: “If you are talking about Funke, then you have plugged the flower already. Is your son not the one responsible for her pregnancy?”
Kenny on realizing the implication of what his father inlaw said gets down and lies flat on his stomach as a way of apologizing.
Funke’s Father: “Get up my, my son. What has happened has happened. I am glad that you are willing to take responsibility for your actions. I will call my daughter so that we can hear from her. Funke! Funke!”
Funke walks in and kneels to greet everyone once again.
Funke’s Father: Do you know these people? ”
Funke: “Yes, sir, he is the man responsible for my pregnancy.”
Funke’s father: “Are you sure about this and are you willing to accept him as your husband?”
Funke: “Yes, I can swear with anything that I have not been with another man since I met him two years ago. I am willing to go through any test to prove this. Marrying him will be the best thing to happen to me.”
Funke’s father: “We have heard from the horse’s mouth”, turning to Kenny, he said. “Are you ready to pay for damages so that you can take your wife home?”
Kenny makes to answer but his father intercepts.
Kenny’s father: “My inlaw, we are more than capable. You just tell us what to do and when to do it and it is as good as done. And another thing, I understand that your daughter had something to do with the boy who chased us away the last time we were here. I am ready to pay him any amount he wants so that he can leave my daughter-in-law alone. I need you to arrange the meeting with him, please.”
Funke’s father: “Don’t mind that useless boy who goes around the village drinking and terrorising people. I know how to handle him, just leave him to me”
Kenny’s father: “Okay, if you say so, else money isn’t a problem.”
Kenny and his people left with great joy in their hearts. They had succeeded in resolving issues with her father and they had chosed to come for the traditional marriage in two weeks’ time after which Funke can follow them home. The joy on Kenny’s face is radiant as he anticipates his traditional marriage in two weeks’ time.
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After Funke walked out on Wahidi without granting his demands despite his threats of causing trouble, she has never set her eyes on him again. Her traditional marriage holds in two weeks’ time and she is busy preparing for her great day. She does not intend to leave any stone unturned in making the day colourful as Kenny has given her more than enough money for preparations. She intends to make her traditional marriage the best in the history of traditional marriages in the village, this way, she can put to shame all those who laughed at her during her trial period. She is however concerned about her mother who has stayed away from all the wedding plans insisting that she must marry Wahidi or nobody else. Anytime she remembers Wahidi’s threat, she becomes discouraged but her father has promised to take care of him and that is all that matters to her.
With about ten market days to her traditional marriage, as she is preparing to go pick her clothes from the tailor, she sees another apparition. Her Guardian Angel appears in his usual snow white apparrel and smiles at her.
Angel: “Wipe your tears, daughter of the most high. The Lord has heard your cry and He has promised to contend with they that contend with you and fight they that fight you. Hold on fast to your faith, for the hour draws near when your enemies shall be revealed. In ten days to come, the wicked shall reap in abundance what they have planted. Continue to praise the Lord, do not relent.”
Funke: “In ten days? That’s on my traditional marriage. What are you talking about…?”
Before she could complete her statement, she noticed that the apparition had already disappeared. She falls on her knees and begins to pray and sing praises to the most high God.
She picks a bike and goes to see Obioma, the best tailor in their village.
Obioma: “Welcome, Iyawo. Come and have a sit here. This one na VIP customer,” he said to the woman whose clothes he was working on.
Customer: “What kind of a stupid talk is that? Who is not special, ehn? Shebi it is because I am always bringing my clothes here that is why you are running your mouth anyhow, nonsense. You better come and attend to me o, I will not leave here without my clothes.”
Obioma: “Madam no shout for my head o, I say make you come back tomorrow come carry your clothes, you no gree. How much you even pay me sef wey I no go hear word. See all these small girls o, if una marry, begin dey chop man food, na so una go fat anyhow come dey insult una husband mate. See, when I learn this job for Onitsha, your mama never even carry your belle.”
As they are exchanging words, Funke intervenes, “Its okay, oga Obioma. Attend to her, afterall she was here before me and I am not in a hurry. Madam, sorry, please. Don’t be offended.”
Customer: “Ah, sorry for your self o, I no know how your mouth take enter our matter. Make evereybody dey mind him business for this life, abeg.”
Obioma: “Aunty Funke, I dey come make I go collect your wrapper from the embroidery man place, im shop dey the next street.”
As he dashes out of his shop disregarding the other customer’s protest, Funke’s phone starts ringing. She goes out to pick the call as it is an unknown number.
Funke: “Hello, hello, who is this please?”
Unknown caller: “Telling you my name does not matter. I believe I am talking to Funke. So, you think you can come from nowhere and marry the man who disv!rgined me? Listen, Kenny and I have been dating for 9years before he travelled out of Nigeria, we lost contact only for me to find out that he is back to the country and is planning on marrying another woman. Kenny and I still love each other and we are going to hook up tonight. Don’t even think that I can give him up without any fight. If you love your life and that of your family members, call off the marriage plans now and do away with that b@stard in your womb. I give you 24hours to call it off or I will personally send you to an early grave. Oh, by the way, did Kenny told you how well I handle him on bed? Trust me, you can never handle him the way I do. 24hours!”
Before Funke can find her voice to say anything, the line goes dead. She is confused and doesn’t know what to do, when again her phone beeps and this time around, its a message from Wahidi. With her heart in her mouth, she opens it.
“Funke, if you ever want to see Kenny alive again, come and meet me in my house now. Some of my boys in the city have kidnapped Kenny and if you no come here come do wetin I want, I go waste him life and I go disappear go another state. No try am say you go tell the police or anybody, my boys dey monitor your movement. You dey infront of Obioma shop now and na black skirt you wear and pink top, that na to prove to you say my eyes dey on you. Wahidi”.
Funke, becomes afraid and shock takes over her, looks around her, there is no body in sight. She knows that if she doesn’t do anything fast, Kenny will be killed. She tries to call his number but it is switched off. In her confusion, she starts running, she collides with the Obioma who is coming in with her wrappers. “Where you dey run go wey you no dey look your font like this? See your wrappers, na. He shouts at her running figure.
Funke has been running for five minutes before she remembers that she left her bag containing all the money Kenny gave her for the marriage in Obioma’s shop. She runs back to the shop and without saying a word, picks the money and dashes out in a twinkle of an eye.
Obioma: “Shooo, na so craze dey take start?”
Customer: “See the mad woman wey you dey call VIP customer. Her own na VIP madness.”
Funke gets a bike and is heading to Wahidi’s house when her phone starts ringing. She imagines that it is Wahidi calling to inform her that Kenny has been killed. In her fright,she screams at the bike man.
Funke: “Stop! I say stop this bike now!”
Bike man: “Ah-ah, kilode now? No be Aremu street you say make I carry you go? We never reach now abi you no know where you dey go?”
Funke: “Stop the bike and stop talking, you dummy.”
The bike man suddenly stops, as Funke jerks and holds on to him to prevent her from falling backwards.
“See, na only mouth dem get”, the bike man taunts her as he speeds away leaving her behind.
As soon as she alights from the bike, Funke presses the answer button on her phone without even looking at who the caller is. “Hello, who is this, say something”, she anxiously asks.
Kenny: “Hi my bride, how are you?”
Funke is shocked as she doesn’t expect the caller to be Kenny. “Baby is that you?”, she manages to ask.
Kenny: “Of course, don’t you know my voice anymore? Didn’t my number appear on your screen?”
Funke remembers that she didn’t check out who the caller is before picking the call. She checks and indeed it is Kenny’s number.
Kenny: “Hello, are you there?”
Funke: “Yes, erm, I am fine.”
Kenny: “You don’t sound well, is my baby kicking too much or is it the marriage preparation stress?”
Funke: “I am just a little bit tired, I will be fine. Are you sure you are fine?”
Kenny: “Of course I am fine. Why do you ask?”
Funke: “Well, I tried calling you earlier but your phone was switched off.”
Kenny: “That must be when I was having a closed door meeting with some business partners from Germany, I am sorry I didn’t inform you I will be switching off. I just excused myself out because I wanted to hear your voice. I will call you back when we finish the meeting.”
Funke: “Okay. Love you, bye.”
As soon as she ends the call, she remembers that she should have told Kenny about the lady who called claiming to be his fiancee. She redials his number and it is switched off, meaning he is back to the board room for the meeting.
“What does Wahidi mean by sending me the text about kidnpping Kenny, is it one of his plots to get me to sleep with him, is Wahidi going mad or something? I need to see him and talk some sense into him,”, she said to herself.
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Funke’s mother: “You must kill me today o, because you are Funke’s father does not mean that you are God. I say I will not support Funke’s marriage to Kenny and you will not force me to change my mind.”
Funk’s father: “Listen woman, Funke is my daughter and when I take decisions concerning her, everyone must obey. She must marry Kehinde and there is nothing you or anyone can do about it.”
Funke’s mother: “Go ahead and marry your first daughter off to people you don’t really know because of money. I will not be there on the traditional marriage day and if she goes ahead and marry that boy, E no go ever better for her, it is me her mother who says so!”
Funke’s father: “See who is talking about marrying our daughter away because of money, are you not insisting that she marries Wahidi because his mother gave you a stall for free in the market? Women will never seize to amaze me.”
Funke’s mother: “Amaze ko, amazing grace ni. I have said my own, my daughter must only marry Wahidi.”
Funke’s father: “Then, be prepared to leave my house today. I cannot continue to habour a woman who is not submissive in my house. Go to your father’s house and control people there.”
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Funke gets to Wahidi’s house and is about knocking on his door when her younger sister runs to her, “Aunty mi, come back home now o, ba mi and ma mi are fighting because of you. Ba mi said ma mi should park out of the house if she no go gree make you marry uncle Kenny, na so ma mi commot knife say she go chuk herself if ba mi no go leave her alone”, she said, panting.
Funke: “What! what kind of trouble is this? Who did I offend? No, my mother cannot kill herself for me.”
They run back as fast as their legs can carry them. When Funke gets to their compound, she meets many neighbours at the entrance of their compound who have come to watch the commotion going on in the compound. Funke and her sister make their way in between the crowd to where are mother is.
Funke: “Ma mi, Ba mi, please stop this. You are embarrassing us.”
Funke’s mother: “Funke, you are the cause of all these. My husband has never threatened to throw me out till this marriage issue came up. If you don’t announce here that you won’t marry kehinde again, I will kill myself. Yes, I will do it.”
Funke continues to plead with her mother to drop the knife so they can sort out things amicably, she is surprised at her mother who is behaving as one possesssed by an unclean spirit. “Can it be that my mother is under the influence of some demonic manipulations? How can an old woman attempt to take her own life over something as insignificant as this? I hope Wahidi’s mother has nothing to do with this, I know that she can be very diabolical”, Funke thought.
Neighbours who have come to watch the commotion on seeing that Funke’s mother is serious begin to plead with her to have a rethink.
Neighbour 1: “Iya Funke, e don do, now. Wetin your pikin do you like this?”
Neighbour 2: “See, mama Funke, as parents, if we beat our child with the left hand, we draw them close with the right hand. No allow devil use you do wetin your children no go ever forgive you.”
Another neighbour, a woman who sells shea butter close to Funke’s mother is elsewhere in the compound ranting among some other women who have gathered round her. It seems the woman has a score to settle with Mama Funke and this event created the perfect opportunity for her to get back at Mama Funke.
Neighbor3: “Make una leave her make she kill herself na, why una dey beg am, seff. Na she go be the first and last to die? If no bi woman wey chop winsh, how person go carry belle, suffer for nine months, go labour room finish come dey behave like this. She like Wahidi pass the mama wey born am? Why she dey drink agbo for person sickness?”, the woman keeps saying.
“Mama!” Funke screams, drawing everyone’s attention to herself. “What if Wahidi comes to you and say he doesn’t want to marry me anymore, will you be happy?”
Mama Funke: “If Wahidi fit open him mouth talk like that, I go support you. Make e commot from him mouth say he no want again, that way, I no go get problem with him mama for market.”
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Having succeeded in calming her mother and dispersing the crowd, Funke sets out for Wahidi’s house. She remembers that the last time she went to plead with him, he had promised to leave her alone to marry whoever she wants if only she can sleep with him one more time. Now, she is going to sleep with him one more time and then ask him to go and tell her mother that he does not want to marry her again. That way, her mother will be relieved and support her marriage which is barely few days away. “Is it not just to sleep with him only once? I will close my eyes and imagine that I am with Kenny while he does his thing. I know Wahidi, he doesn’t last long, after 5 minutes wey im climb, him go pour come down”, she encouraged herself.
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