Written by Lanre Olagbaju
How can a sheep that detest faeces mingle with dog? (From a popular yoruba adage)
She was the last born of a family of 7 children who lived in poverty due to the poor standard of living of their parents…
The father who was a drunkard and a wife beater didn’t help matter as he beats up their mother at the slightest provocation….
The father eventually died due to his reckless lifestyle which automatically placed the burden of training them on their mother’s shoulder…
She was eventually lucky to gain admission into the university with the support of her elder ones who vowed to see her fulfil her ambition of becoming the only graduate in the family…
But while on campus, she got herself helplessly trapped in the web of ………
Is it her fault?
Was she able to get out of the web?
Was there any repercussion?
Did she have the opportunity to give her life to Christ?
What really transpired?
Watch out for
The Congruence I
I’ve been changed, Healed, Freed, Delivered
I’ve found Joy, Peace, Grace, and favor
And right now is the moment
Today is the day
I’ve been changed (I’ve been changed)
And I have waited for this moment to come and I won’t let it pass me by
I won’t go back, can’t go back, to the way it used to be
Before your presence came and changed me
In my Christian walk, this song by William McDowell has always been my anchor when things got tough; I needed those words today as well…more than I had ever needed them. It was repeatedly blaring on my portable CD player; my face was buried in my pillow…my pillow soaked with tears…my tears, uncontrollable as they flowed freely.
My flat-mate had travelled and there was no one to talk to, my phone had died and I just could not find the charger anywhere.
“My God and father, I thought your word said anyone in you is a new creature and old things have passed away? That he who the son sets free, is free indeed…that there is therefore now, no condemnation for us who are in Christ Jesus.
Why then do I feel so dirty and so guilty?
Why do I feel like your blood did not wash everything off?
Why do I feel like grace is not enough…?”
It was like having a conversation with an invisible person. I would lift up my head, say things…ask various rhetorical questions and start to cry all over again.
I did this for over 4 hours…it was the power outage that made me realize that it was 2am. I wanted to pray but my tongue felt so heavy for prayers and I didn’t even know how to start praying to a God that supposedly knows the end from the beginning but chose to do nothing about it.
I continued to question God…I questioned His faithfulness, His love for me and the forgiveness He gave to me. I questioned my spiritual sonship (or “daughtership” in my case), I questioned my salvation and I questioned the Scriptures
“If truly you have removed my sins as far from me as the east is from the west…why is this happening?
If truly you are the one who wipes out my transgressions for Your own sake, And will not remember my sins…why am I in this situation?”
I continued to do this until I slept off.
I woke up around 8am, it was Sunday but I wasn’t going to church, I wasn’t even going to charge my phone, I didn’t want to talk to anyone…not even my pastor; because in my mind, I knew exactly what he would say and the scriptures he would quote to make me feel better. I needed more than that; I needed more that clichés and gloss-over Bible verses.
I needed someone to tell me why the promised “easy yoke” and “light burden” are not working as “advertised” but instead giving me migraines.
Where I’m from, there is a saying thatcontinuous brooding brings uncontrollable tears and that was my reality.
Things I thought I had dropped “at the cross”; things I had worked hard to clear out of my mind…everything came flooding through.
I wasn’t as lucky as most people. I had to claw and crawl my way through life. I could remember hawking bread as far back as my Primary 2 days, just to contribute my quota to the family pool.
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