? WHERE I WENT WRONG?
The first mistake I made was that I got caught hook, line and sinker with the pastor’s prophecy because I thought I was getting old.
Even though I did not realise it then, I was desperate. I remember that while making plans and buying things for the wedding, there was this voice that kept telling me “this guy will show me pepper.” “Bobo yii maa fi oju mi han mabo.” But I never listened.
All the signs were there that I was entering a dungeon, one that was to leave me damaged for a long period of time but I never listened.
My late dad warned me but I DID NOT LISTEN. One thing that became very clear was that he never loved me…
No, you don’t treat a woman you love that way. He watched me depreciate, and disintegrate slowly, he was never moved. I enrolled for my Master’s Programme… but I had to stop midway because I just could not pull myself together.
Another mistake I made was that I did not allow him to be responsible. I footed all the bills, thereby making him feel he had nothing to lose.
Thinking back, I painted the picture of a desperate woman (albeit unknowingly) and made him feel he did me a favour by marrying me.
Yet another mistake I made was staying, thinking I could make it work. I should have left when he asked me to. I should have left with my senses still intact but I was afraid of what people would say and so I held on to a dead marriage and allowed the stench of its decaying corpse to suffocate me. I should have faced reality right at the onset.
? THE EFFECT IT HAD ON ME:
The effects were both physical and psychological. I went into depression, I lost my job, I saw myself as a failure. I lost my confidence, I began to forget things easily, I got easily distracted as I lost my self esteem.
I had dreams, I had aspirations, I had lofty pursuits, and they all died in the process of me trying to keep my home. It affected my trust in people too.
I’m just getting out of it even though the wounds I sustained were very deep loss of self esteem, loss of faith in myself among other things.
For me, I’ve gone through so much, that there’s nothing left for me to prove again. He remains the major mistake of my life.
I suffered absolute rejection… loss of self worth. Dream of every girl is to marry and dine with a prince, I married a predator!
One thing he destroyed totally was my self confidence… I had plans…I had lofty dreams, but at a point he made me believe I deserved what he was doing to me.
He made me believe I was a failure. He said a lot of derogatory things to me, rubbished me, and treated me like dirt.
It was as if he was on a kind of revenge mission against me and the core fabric of my being.
I visited prayer mountains, went for series of deliverance trying to get demons to leave me alone. In fact, I relaxed by going for weekend deliverance!
Deliverance from the powers that were attacking my marriage. I believed strongly that it was better to die there than to divorce
? THE HEALING PROCESS:
I have not healed as I see myself as a damaged person. The healing process has started but I am still a long way from healing.
At times I break down in tears when I think of what I went through. At times I feel very hopeless but one good thing is that my experience has drawn me to God and in His time I will heal completely.
I have been told to forgive but at times it is so hard, because I feel so bitter at the setback he caused me. At times I also get very angry telling myself… I shouldn’t have entered that particular hell.
? LESSONS I LEARNT:
I learnt not to trust anybody, that’s actually a negative one. I have also learnt to be very independent. Though I am yet to heal, I see myself as a survivor and I am determined to make the best out of life.
Nobody can hold me to ransom like he did again. I also learnt to take things easy. Only death is a must in life… Nothing else is.
What will be, will be, what will not be will never be. Therefore I have made up my mind to live and live well whatever is remaining of my lifetime
? MOST PAINFUL PART:
Of all the pain in my heart, the one that hit me most was that Gbenga was a church leader.
He was the coordinator in charge of Evangelism in our church, and hardly would a Sunday roll by without him sharing a testimony or two on the number of souls he had won for God that week.
It was this same church that his friend Yemi and his wife attended. They were showing me pepper at home, and yet he will climb the rostrum to testify to how they were winning souls for Christ and is will be in heavy pain of heart.
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