WHEN I FALL: Episode 1-10


I watched as my daughter watch me cry as we both sat in the room together.
Minutes ago she was crying with me, watching her mother leave the both of us, but somehow my cry got louder than hers and she paused and started to look at me.
I wiped my eyes and walked up to her.
I knelt in front of her and grabbed her tiny hands. “Mary, your mom just left us!” I said and wiped my tears with her hand.
She giggled and touched my face.
“I know you don’t understand what I’m saying or what just happened, but… I have no one to talk to, but you, I love your mother so much!” I sniffed .
Mary’s little hand danced around my cheeks and I could feel the warmth, her mother’s scent.

And that day, I found myself crying through the whole day.
A hole was pierced in my chest and after that day I lost something in me, a feeling of life I once had!.

Mary and I moved on without Suzanne; while I go to work, I drop Mary at a daycare centre and after work, I pick her up and take her home.
Days passed and like that weeks passed and Mary grew up fine, but I stopped taking her to the daycare cause every time I went there, she’s always in a crib and always in tears and it hurt me so much.
I took her to work twice, people asked a lot of questions but I ignored them all, can’t a father take care of his daughter alone.
I stopped taking her to work and decided to find a kind nice nanny that would take care of her all day, but nanny by nanny, I didn’t feel comfortable with any of then because anytime I see Mary, she’s always on tears.
Mary’s always crying, she’s just like that because she’s a baby, she’s just nine months, but she’ll grow up soon enough to stop crying, but still I hate seeing her crying.

It was Saturday evening, the day looked gloomy and sad, and it was like that because everyday of my life has probably been like that ever since Suzanne left me and also because it was about to rain.
I walked out of my car and after carefully removing the belts around Mary, I pulled her to my body, closed the car door, locked the door and hurried inside my house.

Mary had oatmeal for dinner while I had rice and lamb curry. I had mine first before feeding her.
And Mary’s a real blabber beak of you ask me, she won’t stop talking.

Every now and then she climbs on my body, pulls my hair and started to yell things that I can never understand unless I turn into a baby.
I was lost in thought by the window side watching the empty environment, and the lake in front of my house, I glanced at the sky and sighed. It’s going to be a stormy night.
I felt something biting me neck and I sighed.
“Mary….” i sighed as I pulled her away from my back and made her sit in front of me.
“If you bite my neck, then I won’t have any neck, and I won’t be able to eat, and if I can’t eat, I won’t work and then we’ll both starve!” I warned and she laughed.
“Da… da..” Mary blutered and my heart almost melted.
She just called me Dada, for the first time.
“Can you say that again honey?” I smiled at her.
But she let’s out a bundle of baby words and I sighed.

“Do you want me to sing you a song?” I asked.
“Gag” was her reply and I laughed.
“Okay, gag to you too!” I said and touched her nose and she let’s out an adorable laugh.
Suzanne doesn’t know what she’s missing, she’s missing joy on earth, she’s missing a big bag of happiness that’s in front of me right now.
I don’t know what I ever did to her, what Mary and I did to her, but whatever we did we’re sorry and wherever she is, I hope she forgives us.
I want to hate her, but I can’t, I want to despise her but I can’t. I love her too much.

That night I gave Mary a bubble bath and she looked way happy seeing the bubbles around her. I carelessly dropped the soap beside her and she almost ate it but thankfully, it slipped right out of her hand.
I dressed Mary in one of her mickey mouse pajamas and placed her in her crib where I dropped her stuffed toys for her to play with while I take my bath.

After taking my bath, I went to Mary’s crib to see her chewing one of her stuffed toys.
I carried her out of the crib and took the doll from her.
“You just have just four teeth Mary, you can’t possibly chew on everything beside you, including my neck!” I said but she started to breathe heavily and then started to crying stretching her hand to reach the stuffed toy I took from her…
I gave her back the toy and into her mouth it went.
I sighed and shook my head Negatively.
I walked into Suzanne and I, room, well it used to be just our room but now it’s just me and my daughter.
Well I don’t know why she left, but I’m glad she didn’t take Mary with her. If she had, why would I have a reason live.
I laid on the bed and laid Mary beside me, but she stood up, she managed to stand up with the wall which she held all the day, and seriously it was really a bad idea placing the bed beside the window.
Cause Mary held the railings protection the window and starts to blab her baby talk.
“Mary, get down from there!” I sighed getting sleepy already.

All of a sudden the sound of heavy rain starts to drop and I stood up and shut the window glass, dropping Mary on the bed.
“Now stay here and don’t go up there okay!” I yelled and she flinched.
Mary starts to cry and I sighed. “I’m stupid”.
I laid on the bed and let Mary cry, I’m ashamed of not knowing how to make her stop crying.
There was nothing Suzanne couldn’t do.
Despite the heavy sound of rain Mary’s voice could still be heard.
I sighed and carried her up, I let her lay on my body and I pat her back.

She suddenly stopped crying cause it felt like she was enjoying the rhythm I was making on her back.
“Want to listen to a song?” I asked, not like I was expecting a reply from her but I started to sing the twinkle twinkle little star.
And just like that, Mary fell asleep and so did I…

The loud sound of banging woke me up from sleep and almost jumped up but something heavy was on my body, and I looked down to see my daughter fast asleep on my body.

I carefully placed Mary on the bed without waking her up and left the room.
Where is that banging coming from? I thought as I left the room and walked towards the house back door cause it looked like it was coming from there.
I got closer to the door and the banging became even louder to show it was really coming from there.
Who could it be at this hour and under the heavy rain. No body tend to come by this side of the lake even during the day, needless to say during the night.
“Who’s that!” I yelled but I’m sure the person won’t hear a thing because of the rain.
But then I paused, what if its not even a person.
I shook that thought out of my mind and held the knob of the door.
I turned the knob, unbolted the both and pulled the door open, and the pretty lady at my door’s arm almost smacked my face.

Drenched from head to toe, in a white dress, and no shoes, yes she was barefooted, the pretty lady suddenly clasped her hand together and breathed out.
“Please let me in!” she said.
I was confused.
She looked back and then turned to me like there was something after her.
“Please” she said.
I didn’t know who she was, or where she came from, she was just a mere stranger and allowing stranger into your own home is danger.
But then again the nice man in me, opened the door for her and she walked in and quickly closed the door, bolting it.
“Thank you very much, sir!” she breathed out and gave me a bow.
“Uhm no… It’s no problem!”
“No, I promise I’ll pay you back!” she stated.
“Uh, okay!” I was still sleepy though.
She looked around my house and when she Turned back, I noticed her daring long hair.
“Why are you soaked!” I asked.
She turned to me. “Because of the rain!” she replied.
Yeah right, why did I ask that.
“Okay, would like a towel a something, you’re going to catch a cold.!” I offered.
She gasped. “You’re too kind sir, but I’m okay, I don’t catch cold.”
“What? What do you mean? everyone catches a cold every now and then, your situation looks like you’ve been under the rain for too long, and when someone is being nice to you, you accept their kindness, I don’t know who you are but yet, I still offered kindness!” I stated and she bent her hand and quickly let out an apology.
“I’m very sorry, I lack manners in that way!” she said and I sighed.
“It’s okay!” I tell her.
I didn’t understand why she was talking so formal.
“Sir, can… Can I stay over just for tonight?” she asked not looking at me but the floor.
“Stay over? Are you far away from home or how did you get drenched in the rain and by this time of the day?” I asked.
It’s just 3am.
“I… it’s a long story…” She said, not ever wanting to make eye contact!”.
“And do you think it’s easy letting strangers in your home, and then letting them stay over for one night, that’s a big risk!” I explained.
She suddenly clasped her hand together and pleaded with all her might.
“Please, I’m sorry, and I promise I am not going to do any harm, please just let me stay here for tonight, please sir, please!” she pleaded.
“It’s Joseph!” I tell her.
“Huh?” she was confused, she looked at me, bewildering-like.
“You can drop the sir, my name is Joseph!” I looked her in the eye but she looked away.
And right away I noticed something weird about those eyes.
“okay. I’m so sorry… Sir.. I mean Joseph!” she corrected herself looking at the door.

I sighed. “You can stay over, but before sun rise you leave!” I said, secretly scolding myself for sounding a little bit harsh and also letting her stay.

But still I just can’t let her wander about under the rain and under the dark sky,

“Thank you very much Joseph I promise to repay you!” she said looking at her feet.
I questioned her no more as I told her to follow me.
So I could hand her one of the extra towel.
The girl thanked me when I handed her a towel.

Suddenly I heard Mary’s voice coming from my room.
“Please, hold on, I’ll be right back!” I said and hurried to my room.
I saw Mary on the bed, sitting alone and crying to herself.
Her hand suddenly stretched out toward me and she opened and close her fingers as her cry worsen.
I carried her and laid her on my body, but still she wouldn’t stop crying.
I pat her back but still yet she won’t keep quiet.

“You have a baby!” I heard ‘her’ voice behind me and I turned, startled.
What is she doing in here, I told her to wait in the living room.
“What are you doing here?” I almost yelled.
“Sorry, I heard crying and I’m sorry I didn’t mean to…” she said about to leave, but paused and looked at Mary.
“Can… Can… I hold her for a little?” she asked
I scoffed. “Why would I trust you with my child”
Mary’s loud cry was boiling me.
“sir, Joseph; I mean no harm, I love children!” she said and I think it was for the first that that night, we made eye contact and somehow I let her have Mary.

Immediately Mary got into her arms she smiled at Mary and gave a small stare and Mary kept quiet immediately.

It was all in her gaze, those eyes…

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