Authoress Berry Julie?
Chapter 25.?
•Amily•
As I walked to my room i began to wonder things
I was already eighteen and still never had a boyfriend, I grow up in a peace loving family and I had grown to be a good girl who knows her rights
As I grow up, I had getting used to people mocking my single lifestyle but my mother always encouraged and advised me not to let the water enter my ship otherwise I will be drown
I was raised to keep a positive mindset and I myself decided that there is no way I will allow people look down at me
I have my reasons of not having a boyfriend in my eighteen years of existence
When I was twelve, I realized I had developed a trauma
I was afraid of having someone to fall in love with me
I had always witnessed just how much my mother suffers day by day even years after my dad left
It was unbearable for me to even watch her, My mother loves my daddy so much that even after years since my dad left I still saw her staring at daddy’s pictures crying
I had seen just how painful it was to loose someone you love through my mum
It was nothing but torture, I had even once heard my mum saying that she doesn’t feel alive again since the day dad left
I knew my mum was just holding on for me and Samar
That was how i rejected every boy that showed any interest in me
There were just few of them but my fear will always be triggered especially when someone confessed to me
All I could tell them was “Sorry” and for that I avoided boys as much as I can
As years passed by I once asked myself, will I die just like that?
The desires that I had been suppressing all this time was getting out of control , I have been dreaming on how it will feel like to love someone
How it will feel to have butterflies on one’s stomach and how it will feel to kiss and embrace that person you loved with all your heart, romantically
I have read some webnovels and I couldn’t help but wish I could at least experience this so called love before I die
That was my only wish, to fall in love…..to find someone i could fall in love with
But I was torn, I was afaird and worried sick……I don’t want to leave someone behind to suffer when am gone
I don’t want someone to experience the pain and suffer my mum was feeling until now, though dad just left us maybe for another but to mum it was like he died
For years, I have been wondering about it and thought I already accepted my fate but now that my due date was getting close the desire in my heart keeps getting stronger
Then I have decided to be brave, and try my best in making the wish come true with the little time i had left
The only way I could make this wish come true is to find a man who I will fall in love with and the man not loving me back
I have read and heard about one sided love,the love was usually excruciatingly painful but I still wanted it
If this is the only way to experience being in love I will willingly trow myself in even if it means getting hurt
I hope to handle the pain of loving someone who doesn’t love me back than dying without knowing what love is all about
I strongly believe in the word that says “It is better to have loved but lost than never to be loved at all”
I still have a year left , I was doing fine for now. I don’t want to hurt my mum that I will be dying soon so she knew nothing about my sickness , I just want her happy
But now that I was asked to make someone love me, how do I make my wish comes true???
My life can never be less complicated
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