MY COLORLESS RAINBOW
By Amah’s Heart
The gold shoe was beautiful, it goes with the dress and the colour of the day. I fumbled with it in my hands with a lot of thoughts racing through my heart.
It’s just like old times, nothing different or special any more. Even if I try to wear the most attractive and convincing smile I still have a tasty patch that need refilling.
Everything around me kept reminding me that I’m not yet there. My troublesome parents that will not let me drink water in peace, they are the first reminder of the day.
My friends, my colleagues, the people on the road, the children in the neighborhood are parts of my everyday reminder that something important was missing.
Before, I used to worry and wonder when it will happen but not again. I have made up my mind that “nobody will push me to bow to pressure”.
Even as I said this to myself, deep down I know I didn’t even mean what I just said. I know all the motivational words I can use as a convincing strategy but I don’t fully buy into them.
There is always a longing, a desire I wish for but it’s becomes difficult with every passing day.
Rina’s day is tomorrow. Yes, tomorrow is the day to go and line up again and pretend everything is alright and also pretend I’m the happiest person on earth. But after it all I come back home to face reality.
Rina is a nice person and she deserved to be happy with the man that loves her, I’m happy that she is settling down with Eric after courtng for just a year. She is just one hell of a lucky girl.
I will try my very best to make her day count for her.
She was finding it difficult to pick the color of the day for her big occasion. It was I and Ella that helped her out.
Pink peach was the color that we concluded with. Then the bridal train will go on a gold shoe and a beautiful hairdo all in same pattern and styling.
Everything was bought and all ready for Rina’s day.
Few hours from now and it will be day break, time to get set and move down to join Rina and her train.
As much as I also looked forward to tomorrow just like everyone attending this wedding does, after the whole dancing and smiling and lining up to catch a bouquet, after the whole ceremony, what comes next?
Reality set in and I’m back to the way I used to be.
Working class lady dating Richard for two years and four months with no real hope for our excused of a relationship and yet love tied me down to him. I can’t move on because I love him and may not know how to start all over. That fear alone kept me bound to him.
With all my deep worries I finally slept off. I did not need the alarm to wake me up anymore because I’m used to waking up early in the morning for work so that I could join the staff bus.
But today there is no work, it’s a Saturday and I’m only up early because is a big day for Rina.
I quickly got into the bathroom. I had my bath and was out to get dress.
I looked at the dress again and began to wonder if I should just fold it into my bag or just dress up from the house and go.
My phone rang and it was Ella.
“Hello Becca, hope you are up. I’m almost ready and my fiance will be coming to drop me off at Rina’s place. How about you? Maybe we can also pick you on our way and go there together.
I checked the time it was 6am already.
I was already thinking on how to get a cab or any form of transport that morning to Rina’s place, it will be a relief to join Ella and her fiancé.
“Yea…yeah…please. I will be ready and out in about 10minutes from now. My makeup and hair will be done at Rina’s place. It’s just to wear my dress and shoes…
I got dressed and picked up my bag and few other needed things and was on my way out.
I know my Dad was up as usual, relaxing in the sitting room with the first morning news showing on the television.
“Dad, Good morning.
He answered without bothering to look at me. His eyes were fixed on the television.
“Dad, I’m going for my friend’s wedding, the one I told you about. It’s today….
And his response was “hmmm” before turning his head to look at me and then return to the television and said.
“Rebecca, almost all your friends are wedding every Saturday, this year alone I know you have attended up to three weddings of your friends and I know more are still coming. You enjoyed attending their own and watching them get married. When exactly will they attend yours or do I also need to go and find a husband for you after training you in school? If that Richard boyfriend of yours is not the serious type then you should leave him and look for someone that is serious. Don’t be surprised that your younger sister Melinda, will still first you and get married. She is rounding up with her school and you have finished up for two years now. Remind me…how old are you again….how old are you Rebecca?
This is turning up to be a bad ritual in the house. I was already fed up with him that early morning. I wanted to walk out but no one walks out on my Dad in anger. So I decided to remain calm. Act like a good girl so that he can finish up with his usual talks which does not bother me much.
“I’m 27years Dad…it is still too early for this Dad. Ella is coming to pick me up with her fiance and I need to be out before they drive pass…
My Dad began to laugh hysterically.
“So…so you mean Ella is also engaged and she will be the next wedding you will be attending. That is very interesting. Today you are going to catch another flower and bring it back home. That is the only thing you always bring back to this house whenever you go to your friend’s wedding. Flowers, bouquets of flower… that is what you kept on catching while your friends are leaving you behind to get married…
My Dad was still talking when my Mom came out of the room and asked my Dad why he was laughing earlier.
“Rebecca just told me that her friend Ella is engaged and getting married soon. She is going for Rina’s wedding. Last month was Mimi’s wedding and I know she has attended up to three or four wedding this year and comes back home with flowers because she is now a flower girl. Going to weddings to catch flowers and bringing it back home. You better talk to your daughter because I won’t be surprised if Melinda comes home with a man and the wedding plan begins and Rebecca will still go and catch flower in her younger sister’s wedding. I’m only talking because I’m beginning to get concerned. She is 27years, going to 28 and it’s a perfect time for a woman to settle down and start a family. If that boyfriend of hers is not serious then she should move on with her life but I Know Rebecca will not listen…she does only what is in her mind. A word is enough for the wise…I have spoken and I will keep talking…
There was a horn outside and then my phone was ringing, it was Ella and her fiance.
Without wasting time to hear my mother’s own version of “you are old enough to get married” I quickly said good bye to them and ran out to join Ella and her man in the car.
We drove down to Rina’s house and got ready before moving to the wedding ground.
Nothing was new to me because I have attended different weddings and joined in the bridal trains so it feels normal as the wedding went on and on.
I tried to cheer up, I tried to forget my own worries and enjoy the moment.
The time to catch the bouquet came.
I wanted to avoid it but Rina called me and Ella wanted to make sure that I was present as other single young ladies lined up.
As everybody got ready for the flower I was dodging it like a bomb. Rina threw it and I ran off the way and Ella caught it.
She was going to be the next bride, it’s only going to work out for her because she was already engaged.
Despite how many times I have caught the flower in different weddings I am still very much single with an unserious boyfriend.
After the whole reception was over I went home that night and my Dad was relaxing outside on his car when I came in.
I greeted him and tried to walk pass.
“You did not catch flower today or you threw it away before getting home. “Rebecca the flower girl” hope the wedding went well?
I replied him that it did went well before going back inside.
Maybe I will gather up money and rent my own apartment. Since my parents, especially my Dad will not let me rest, it will be better to move out and have peace of mind.
I freshened up and came out to make dinner. My Mom wanted to know every detail concerning the wedding.
She even asked if it was true I threw away the bouquet I caught because my Dad concluded that I did.
I told my mom that is was Ella that caught the flower this time not me.
She went on with many talks that I have already heard over and over.
My Mom was a sweet talker, it will be like a lovely advice but she will still spice it with insults.
I ate dinner, washed off the dishes before retiring to bed.
Maybe I will really have to ask Richard what his plan is. It’s time to get serious with my life.
He claims to love me but he was dedicated to work and his other friends and hardly have my time these days.
I will make him do because like my dad will always say to me “time waits for no one” two years and four months is enough to define where our relationship is heading.
I have had enough of my parents’ reminder. It is time to really sit up and grab the bull by its horn.
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