TAMAR, Episode 23.
“bow to the gods of the land so that you may live, it doesn’t take anything just deny your faith, tell Mandioh that you aren’t a Christian and prove it, by proclaiming any god of the land, Venus, who is generally worshiped by women as your god…once you denounce your faith in the presence of Mandioh and his men…they will let you live…is very simple Tamar…I fear for you
“don’t be afraid for me my lady, there is no other god both in heaven and on earth except Jehovah, he sent his son Jesus Christ to die for my sin so that I will not die to this world again, he took my curse, my troubles, my sickness and diseases, he took my fear and my pain to the cross and nailed it all there so that I maybe redeemed from them all, I have no fear my lady, I don’t, not for Mandioh or his beast… for greater is he that’s’ in me than he that’s in the world. There’s a story in the bible, I once told you the story back home, before you got married to Adolfo…about Daniel and the lions…
“yes…yes, I still remember, and his god saved him from the lions…but they are just stories, childhood stories, I have never hard a man being saved from a lion before, even the once that are armed still get killed, those stories are not real Tamar, you told me your father use to tell you and your siblings the stories before he was killed, they are just stories to get people’s attention…
“they are real stories, God proves himself in a thousand ways to his true children, those who trust him and love him…my lady, if God allows those lions to kill me and feed on me then is fine, it only means my race is done, and since men have to die in different ways… well then…mine has being predestined by God not by Mandioh and I will rather die fulfilled because of Christ than to deny his name because of death and still have to die in later years, there are things you will not understand my lady but I pray this day that God will visit you soon, and heal your heart from doubt and he will lead you to the light so that you may come to know him and understand why I can’t substitute God for anything in the world…
“I wish this god you boldly speak off is real, I wish you have not turn down Vim’s proposal, he would have saved you, I wish I can change you for Shamara, allow them to take only Shamara and leave you for me because you are a great help to me, I wish I never come across Okra, when you spoke the other day, you made me to think deep and to understand the kind of person she was, you are more than a friend to me than Okra will ever be, I’m sorry I caused all this, I so much wish I can undo my mistakes, now, you have to be killed by those ugly beast because of me, I …I can’t even tell Vim or go to mother and father, I can’t even tell Chakan, Vim will not care if you live or die, Father and mother are getting old and I don’t want to cause more trouble for them and that maybe exposing Abel too, Chakan may hate me if he knows, and Adolfo who could have helped, I can’t even face him after how I treated him, I have begged you to deny your god in their presence, just for that time, when you come back you can keep serving him within, no one will know, but just proclaim the gods of the land as your god and you will be save Tamar… Mandioh is a very powerful man, Vim would have saved you from him because he respects Vim, but Vim has turned his back on you, you have to save yourself Tamar… please…
“Stop worrying about me, I’m glad, so glad you are beginning to see the kind of person Okra is and to stay away from her, because a day will come and she will ask you to poison and kill your husband…
“Well, she once did, and that was when I was still married to Adolfo, she said if I have to be free from him I have to kill him by putting poison in his meal little by little, so that when he eventually die, it will look like a natural death. But I couldn’t, I try to think about it and felt cold all over, I couldn’t even speak of it to anyone, I was so scared, even though I don’t want Adolfo but I don’t want him dead and when she brought the poison I took it, waiting to summon courage to do it but I just couldn’t, and I threw the poisonous substance away… I only felt guilty that I have to kill the child I had for him, Okra said it was better I don’t look at the child so that I won’t have regrets but even though I didn’t look at the child I still feel so bad anytime I remember that I gave birth to a healthy baby and ask you to go and dispose him, is sad, even though the marriage has being void of love but Adolfo would have being so happy to have a son, I would have being so glad to watch my boy grow, it will delight me greatly…i regret those deeds, it sit heavily in my heart, i would have done another if not that you speak some senses into me, I’m blessed to have you and is very sad you have to go this way…I wish I can save you from Mandioh but I can’t…I wish you can just save yourself and tell Mandioh that Venus is your god, and I will back you up as a witness, you will just tell him that you are not a Christian and you don’t serve the Christian god, just say it out loud and act like you mean it and they will free you…
As me and Zity speak inside her chamber, Chakan was out, a message came from a slave that Mandioh’s men where outside waiting for me, and Okra was with them, they also have Shamara already, I stood up and step out with Zity who was still pleading to me to deny my God so that I will live, but I ignored her, now is not a time for too much word is a time to silently pray to God to intervene in anyway that pleases him, let his will be done, but I will never ever deny god, because even the life I live is not mine it belongs to God, if God can save me from the war after my all my family member were wiped off, if God can save me from dying in the desert, after a long walk or in the sea even after shipwreck, he has saved me too much already, from the brutality of men and from sickness and diseases he will also save me now, but if is his will for me to go, for me to kiss the earth goodbye then so be it, I will join mother, father, Joe, Kath and Deb, but in all of this I am glad I live on this earth, I know I will miss Abel, oh, my own dear Abel, who has foretold things like this will happen, he has tried to build me up for a time as this, and he really did a great job, I am what I am because God sent Abel on my way, I’m glad…so glad I came to know him. I will also miss lady Zity, Rhonda, Adolfo and Eura, and even the merchant who I plan to show the light, I will miss lord Reese and lady Phin, I will miss the twins and little Jon, Zity will never get to know her little boy is alive, Adolfo will never know he has a son, the merchant who desired for children will never know he has beautiful twin girls somewhere…is sad what is hidden will remain hidden, Rhonda is a great mother, and the children the Lord gave her will be hers to keep, I wish Zity has come to know the true god and also her parents, I know even if I’m not there Abel will take charge, but Abel has said my work is greater than his, he was only there to guide me through, when I’m gone, Abel will take up the wheel fully by bringing the master and mistress to christ, I know Adolfo will be converted by Eura, he was already on his way to doing that, Eura will do the remaining job.
I have try not to think of Vim but he is always in my thought, is painful how much I still love him even after all of this, I pray one day his heart will be soften and he will come to understand why I couldn’t marry him, is not because I’m stupid, having all the beautiful things of this life presented to me in a platter of gold and I turned him down, killing his pride, his ego, and making him look stupid, he will not understand now and I know he hates me for rejecting his proposal, I just pray someday he will come to understand why I have to do it all. And it was worth it.
Jesus is the center of my life, all that’s good and perfect comes from him, I can deny the world for him, because there’s no life without him, he hold my breath, for in him I live and move, in him I have my being.
I saw Shamara crying in agony, she was pleading to Zity and to the men but non pays her attention, I turned to Zity to plead on her behalf but she still refuse and said let Mandion do whatever he desires with her, she can’t have her under her roof, Zity said I should be more worried about myself than Shamara, that I’m innocent, my only sin is worshiping a forbidding god which if I deny him before Mandioh, he will let me go, but Shamara is guilty, she will serve as a lesson to other maiden that will want to seduce their mistress husband or agree to lay with him, I told lady Zity that Chakan is equally guilty, why must Shamara suffer alone just because she is a slave, Zity ignored my plea, my heart melt right there as I watch Shamara weep,
Okra stood like a winner at one end, smiling as if she has won a gold medal, I moved closer to her as Mandioh’s men put me on chains, but I wanted to say few things to Okra
“so many years ago, a tiny slave girl was brought to you by your husband, her head was shaved but covered with a turban, and when you saw her, you rejected her and cursed your husband for buying such slave, you said she has an aura, like a strange presence around her and you don’t feel comfortable, and she looks like she will drop dead any moment, the slave was taken away within a second of your outrage, do you remember that incident.. Yeah, you do. Well I’m still that same slave, I did not drop dead instead I grew strong, and even stronger in the Lord my God, and I keep waxing stronger even now, not even face to face with death will weaken me. Repent before is too late, ask God to forgive your sins, God is just and ready to forgive, even though your sins is like scarlet, they shall be white as snow, though they maybe red as crimson, they shall be as wool. Tomorrow maybe too late my lady, turn from your evil ways and embrace light. The children you bore and threw away are safe in God’s care, repent and have this peace you yawn for, stop allowing the devil to use you to destroy lives, instead be a good agent for Christ and you will find yourself doing more good than evil, may the Lord have mercy on you…
“come and take this termite away from here, in few hours from now she will be gone and forgotten, you will become food, the animals will chew you raw, looking at you…you are not even a good food to those lions, just a mouth full and they will chew you up, swallow and still want more, you will also serve as a lesson to those that crosses me, and to those who believe in a forbidden god, your life could have being save if you have rejected your so called god, but no, Christians are the most useless and stubborn people I have ever known, worshiping a god who they can not see or touch, and even ready to die for him with the hope he will save them, at the end nothing happens, they all die, may your hopeless soul rest peacefully in the lion’s belle… I will so much enjoy watching the lion chew you like some pieces of meat, or wait I will even send a message to Vim, to come and watch too, he will be so glad and will even thank me for sending you to Madioh, maybe from there he will like me and we may become friends…hahahaha…while you rot away I keep blossoming, to hell with you and your god, I never liked you then, when my so called husband bought you and I saw you I hated your presence, I never knew you are the one all this while, serving Zity, I hate you even more now, now I understand why I dislike you with passion, get away from me evil termite, and when you manage to look up from the beast den you will see me and Vim laughing together at you with our glass of wine in hand….nobody can save you not even your useless god…
I was taken away in chains by the soldiers, Shamara never stopped crying, they put us into an open chariot and moved us down to Mandioh, it was a very long ride, on getting to mandioh’s big gate there were few crowd all around, some where throwing, pebbles, stones and rotten fruits at me, some where cursing and making fun of me and how I will be consumed and my god can not save me, when we got inside Mandioh’s cell quarters, I was locked with Shamara inside the same cell.
And I held her in the dark cell, trying to comfort her and to make her to stop crying,
as I began to tell her about the only one that can save us. She became quiet as she listened to me talk about God.
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