TEARS OF A HELPLESS WOMAN
EPISODE 25
I was ready to approach them but time wasn’t on my side, either I chose to fight and miss my flight or ignore it and chase after something that was still in my favour.
I thank God we were not on the same flight.
Lagos promised better things and a lot more. My manager picked me up from the Airport and I checked into a beautiful hotel. The first place I wanted to visit was Banana island.. The much talked about place.
As I relaxed and reflected in my hotel suite Atusaye was on my mind and not because I missed him… Well of course I did. But really what I wanted was to move on. For good this time. Maybe love wasn’t for me… Perhaps I had to start afresh and focus on my life, without Atusaye.
Amidst all the thoughts was the pressure of getting the award. What if I wasn’t good enough?.. No of course not. I was good enough. I just didn’t know about the rumours, they had circulated really fast like wild fire and I stood to lose this award based on those grounds.
“We need to get your outfit ready” my manager said as we had lunch.
“Yes… I know. Do you think I will get it… I mean the award?” I said hesitantly.
“Whether we get it or we don’t.. You have to stand with your head high..” He responded.
“I really like your courage” I said.
“No I like yours… You still chose to come out here even when you had every reason not to”. He said as he rubbed my shoulder
” thank you Ben.. Can we go now…” I said as I got up.
The afternoon was spent preparing for the following days event. I had no time to get a designer so I had to pick out a dress from the store.
Social media is a place I completely avoided, in fact I deactivate all my social media accounts to wait for the situation to normalise.
The day of the awards was extremely busy. I travelled in complete chaos.. No makeup artist and didn’t even bother hiring one.
“We need to go..” My manger said as he waited on my door.
“Just two more minutes and we’ll be there” I said.
I had managed to dress myself for the event and was more than ready to walk the red carpet in style, if Atusaye was around… I wouldn’t be showing up alone. I thought.
The flash flights and the fame couldn’t fill the void inside. I was a star but inside I was barely shining.
“You need to put a smile on your face.. Remember everyone wants to see you and this is your chance to make the best of the mess. You hear me…?” My manager warned as we drove to the event.
“Yes.. I do .. I hear you”.. I said.
As I sat in the car viewing the beautiful lights of the city of Lagos I could hardly breath… A big lump chocked my throat and I was ready to cry but my manger noticed.
” Mwansa.. This is part of being at the top.. I wish I could say it is easy but no it isn’t. To achieve your goals isn’t easy… Many people wish they were you right now and as funny as it sounds even this mess….. others are envying you for it. Mwansa look at me… If you walk out there and face the crowd with courage… I can assure you the devil has failed”.. He said.
Ben was right.. Despite knowing I had to answer many questions, I took the courage and stepped out of the car.
Its like everyone was waiting to see me and hear from me.
Cameras were in my face and microphones waiting to hear my explanation but I smiled and gave a short response each time.
It wasn’t bad after all. I managed to get past the questions and I was now settled waiting for the awards to start.
Finally after waiting for so long, the nominees were announced for the category where my movie was featuring… It was a tense moment waiting for the final announcement as Ben and I held our hands tight
“Lord please let me scoop this, at least for all the humiliation I’ve been through. I deserve this my Jesus.” I said in my heart.
For a moment I was numb and everything stopped as Ben shook me with excitement.
“What? Did we get it?” I asked with extreme joy.
“Of course we did! Let’s go… Let’s go” he screamed with joy.
I stood up and we walked to the front.. It was the best day of my life and yes of course the tears were there. Plenty of them. God had given me much more than I could have asked for.
Ben stepped aside as I walked up to the microphone.
“I don’t know what to say…” I started..
“Well first of all I want to thank the Almighty God because his grace…… Am sorry….. Give me a minute” I said as I stopped to cry for a moment
“Get it together” I heard Ben whisper from the background.
I cleared my thought and started afresh.
“Yes as I was saying…. The Almighty God alone deserves the glory and praise because if it wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be here…. Humiliation has been a plate I’ve eaten from everyday of my life.. But standing on this platform is proof that I serve a Mighty God. I serve a Mighty God…” I shouted.
People cheered and gave me a standing ovation and I felt comforted. I didn’t see Atusaye coming to the front but I just realised he was on stage standing next to me and held my shoulder before taking the opportunity to say something.
“Ladies and gentlemen I just wanted to officially clear the rumours. I am here and I am going nowhere” he said.
While the crowd cheered Atusaye and i held hands as I wore a fake smile. Surely they had to be a reason for him to be there after his unexpected silence.
My manager was extremely mad at me for even allowing Atusaye be close to me and we met to discuss it over breakfast the following day.
“He said he was sorry for believing everything” I convincingly told Ben
“Oh and you believed him!!!! What’s wrong with you? Are you that desperate to be in a relationship??!!” He yelled.
“Ben calm down we are in a public place… He is still the man I love and I understand the place he was coming from when he fell for the lies” I said trying to convince him.
“No please don’t even give me that excuse!!!! Your boyfriend is just after your money and fame!” Ben yelled.
We were in a five star restaurant and he was yelling like he was talking to a child.
“Listen my dear… You had the one time opportunity… Only one opportunity to get this man out of your life for good and you instead chose to welcome him back the moment he crawled back. This is your career, in the entertainment world relationships come and go. So put yourself together and forget about him” Ben said.
I didn’t believe everything he said except one thing…
Maybe he was right, maybe Atusaye was just after my money. But he had never asked me for a cent ever since we had been together. Was he waiting to marry me before he could have it all?
Yes it made sense…. If the rumours had been going on for so long why then did he choose to forgive me now?..
I mean now of all times?. It’s obviously because he knew I was now climbing to the top.
Yes it made sense.
What Ben didn’t know was that Atusaye had just dropped me at the hotel room the previous night and we didn’t even talk. However. We had agreed to meet over lunch to discuss our relationship.
“You look really look good Mwansa” Atusaye complimented as we arrived at the restaurant.
“Thank you… I really appreciate.” I responded.
We settled and ordered our food as we began to discuss.
“Am sorry for believing everything I heard… I guess I was too fast” he said.
“I understand….” I responded as I cleared my thoughts.
“Does that mean you forgive me?” He asked.
I cleared my throat and put the fork on the table.
“Atusaye what do you take me for?” I asked bluntly as I stared into his eyes.
“What do you mean by that Mwansa?… He asked me.
“Look Atusaye I guess I would like to speak first..” I said
“Yes honey you go first am listening” he said.
“I know you think am foolish… But your games are too small for me I’ve been through a lot in life…”
” and I completely understand that” he interrupted.
“Speak please what is it?” He asked me.
“Atusaye… I just can’t. I mean … I know we love each other and everything but I can’t… Today its this, God knows what it will be tomorrow” I said as I became emotional.
“I want to be with you … I really do but my suffering will never end if I choose you.. Can’t you see it?. Our enemies will keep showing up.. Anything to do with you is a risk Atusaye.. Its always been and I can’t do that anymore I deserve to be happy” I cried.
Atusaye was shocked and he came close to me…
Mwansa please listen to I’ve not been sleeping….
“And you think I have?… You think I have Atusaye!!!!” I screamed in tears.
We had to leave the restaurant because things were getting tense. I was angry and so was Atusaye.
Atusaye took me to the hotel but he also wanted to stay over and talk. But i refused. I guess the only way I could truly be happy is to accept that my happiness was dependant on myself and not on other people. Especially not Atusaye.
He however insisted on taking me to the airport the following morning and I agreed. We agreed to remain friends.
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