Written By Lanre Olagbaju
When I had temporarily drained my tear ducts, I got up and as angry as I was at God, I knew there was nobody else to talk to but Him. So I played my ‘go-to’ song “I won’t go back”…which is where I started to share my story from.
Around 12 noon, I heard the doorbell ring but I ignored it. It was followed by a knock on the door but I still didn’t respond. I wasn’t expecting anyone…I didn’t wanna see anyone, I didn’t wanna talk to anyone.The person at the door was persistent but I continued to ignore it.
“Sister Lilian, I know you are in there.
Please open the door, we need to talk to you”
It was our Pastor, Pastor T…when he threatened to call the Police to break down the door, I picked myself up, washed my face and opened it. He didn’t come alone, he came with his wife.
“Oh my God!
What happened to you?” he exclaimed. He could tell, from how swollen my face was, that I had been crying for a long time.
“Can we come in?” The wife asked
I didn’t say anything; I just got out of the way, walked back inside and sunk into the chair.
Pastor T prayed but I hardly said amen…he asked the spirit of God to take control and the peace of God to permeate my total being.
Then he started to talk
“On my way here, I was asking the Spirit of God to help me with the right words and Romans 8:26-28 came to my mind
Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along. If we don’t know how or what to pray, it doesn’t matter. He does our praying in and for us, making prayer out of our wordless sighs, our aching groans. He knows us far better than we know ourselves, knows our pregnant condition, and keeps us present before God. That’s why we can be so sure that every detail in our lives of love for God is worked into something good.
I may not know what is going on with you but God says it is being worked into something good
Verse 31 of the same scripture says – So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose?”
“I lost already sir
There is no way to fix this
How can anything good come out of this?” I responded in tears
“The only part that I don’t get is how God, who supposedly knows the end from the beginning, would allow this to play out.
Was it to punish me for my indiscretion from the days of ignorance?
Was it to just ridicule me?
Was it to teach me a lesson on how past sins ruin the future?
What was He trying to do?”
I then shared my dream with them
“Now I know why I couldn’t have the gift in the dream…even though it had my name on it”
“Take it easy Sister Lilian
It’s not your place to declare something over until God closes the chapter.
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