THE EXCHANGE
Episode 25
The opening speech of my mother in-law’s maid caught my attention & I became curious to know more so I let her continue… “Mo sorry ma (I’m sorry to say this) sùgb?n oko yin kiì se eniti obirìn nfe (He is not a man to be married to) Whenever that his drug thing comes upon him, even his mum cannot get him to calm
down” the lady said “His drug what?” I cut in “Haba! Auntie, don’t tell me you don’t know that he is on drugs ke…everybody in our house knows” the lady responded & continued by telling me she had been working for this family for over 10 years & had seen things. She said that as brilliant as Baba T was, his drug addiction was his undoing & that was why his parents really wanted him to get married & have children so they could put their hope of a lasting legacy in the grandchildren. She said the drug he was on, made him destructively angry & abusive.
“Do you know how many women left him bcos of this? Children of big people that left bcos they could not stand him? There was a particular case that almost got him in jail, if not for the connection of his father. He beat the girl to a pulp; we even thought the girl had died. The girl’s uncle sent soldiers to come & arrest him”. The lady must have sensed that she had said too much as she stopped talking, I sat there in bewilderment, like someone that was waking up into reality. I wanted the lady to tell me more but she said she didn’t want to lose her job. I couldn’t handle what I was hearing so I tried to call Laide again but it was just ringing. I really didn’t feel like going to my mother-in-law anymore but the lady encouraged me to go. She said Baba T’s dad was the only one that knew how to handle him & make him behave; that was why he had to live with them even as a grown up until he got married.
When we got to my in-law’s house, my mother-in-law almost knelt down for me “P?l? ?k? mi, èmi ni mo f’ìyà j?? (I’m so sorry my dear, this is my fault)” she said & took the children & hugged them as I tried to explain what happened, she said I shouldn’t bother to, as she knew what I was talking about. The lady that came to help me pack gave me a look suggesting that everything she told me at our house was true. My mother-in-law quickly sent her away & took us to her room upstairs.
The fact that I wasn’t allowed to talk, made me cry even more. My mother-in-law just kept begging me, she promised that her husband would handle it & it would never happen again. She tried to dance around the facts, blaming Baba T’s actions on her enemies that want to disgrace her family. She said I should consider my children & parents in-law who care for me & ignore whatever Baba T was doing. I told her blatantly that I knew Baba T was on drugs bcos I had seen it & I did not want to be a victim of his rage & violence ever again. What if he had attacked my children?
“Now you know what our problem is…your husband is not a bad guy, I know he is just being manipulated by evil people. They jinxed him with the addiction, to soil our family name. You have no idea how far we have gone & the things we have done to help him. We are fighting for the same thing & we should work together to get him all the help he needs. After all, he’s the father of your children”. She persuaded me to cover ‘her n@kedness’ & keep the family secret…she promised that her husband would see to it that I never got hit or beaten again. I almost told her that it wasn’t really a secret, based on what the maid told me but I didn’t want to get the lady in trouble.
Somehow, Baba T’s dad was able to ‘fix’ things; my husband apologized to me & again bought me expensive gifts to say he was sorry. We went back to status quo, my parents-in-law were in charge again & I felt more like a well-paid baby maker than a wife. Baba T had to report to his dad at least, once in 2 days…it was working (or so we thought). No erratic behavior, he was doing well at work & he didn’t hit me. We did not have that intimacy that you would expect between married couples, everything seemed forced, programmed & monitored.
Baba T was a great father though; he loved his kids & took good care of them. Within the whole situation, I found out I was pregnant again. I was bewildered but when the doctor said I was 8 weeks gone, it dawned on everyone that I was pregnant when BabaT had hit me.
Laide would see me & remind me how beautiful my life was & how lucky I was to have such a caring mother in-law & I would smile… but deep down, I could trade everything for some happiness.
Living with my husband was like walking on egg shells…I was constantly watching my words, my reactions to things, & would never argue with him. Even when he smiled, I was still scared. My mum sensed I wasn’t happy & all the seeming good life, vacationing abroad, ‘big man wife’ status was just a charade. Many times she would ask what was going on but I kept pretending that all was well…I would tell her not to worry about me & that she should continue to pray that God should touch my husband.
There was a time she visited & spent some days; that was when she insisted that she had to know what was going on…
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