By NneNne Izuanagbara
EPISODE 5
After lectures, this girl called keisha came to me.
-hi she said
-hi, i replied
-you are cute she said.
woow, my head started swelling. I started feeling like a celebrity.
-thanks, i replied.
I quickly left when my niggars were approaching. Feels good to be admired by everyone.
My niggar, Gresham is a keyboardist in his church. You need to see Gresh my guy. He wears this very full afro. Most times he curls it. That my guy make sense abeg. He even told me his looks attracts big big girls in church to him. They dash him money. He said even his pastor’s daughter, have eyes for him.
Gresh told me to forget about my dad and step up my game. He said that olden days christainity is no longer relevant. This modern way has brought alot of souls to church.
He said, since ladies can wear trouser to church, many ladies have been worn to the church. Back then being born again was too demanding. Guys are told to stop wearing jeans, stop doing this and that, ladies stop wearing this and that. RUBBISH. Our souls is what will appear before God, not our flesh.
Gresh’s sound of doctrine was very very different from what i have always heard and believe you me, it was making a whole lot of sense. Gresh invited me to his church.
He said….
-Guy, come my church. If you see my pastor, arrghhhh, awon fine boy. He swagger pass us. If you see his wife, (he kissed his fingers) sweet. On Sunday she wore this sexy jump suit to church. My pastor just dey show off eim wife o. I’m telling you. if you see my mama BAKASI. Omo, my pastor dey enjoy.
Ha, bakasi kwa i thought.
Which one is BAKASI? Out of curiosity i asked.
-Gresh, BAKASI? Which one is BAKASI?
This boy started laughing at me. The laughing was getting very angry but i was pretenciously smiling.
He now said…..
-See, cornell, you too backward o. So you no know wetin be BAKASI. See am here na…
He started touching his Butt.
What? Excuse me?
What kind of church is that ? Where they look at mama’s butt?. Such rubbish won’t happen in my church.
How will a pastor’s wife wear jump suit, even sexy one, to church?
Gresh went further to say this…..
Some people see themselves as not qualified for the house of God because of how they have chosen to be. Guy, he called me, these things are just to draw them closer to the church. When they come, then revival will follow, even miracle.
Hmmm, i sighed. Making sense. I decided i must visit the church.
We were going home. I was actually bouncing home. Home? Home. Ha, dad and mum came to mind. The more closer i got, the lesser my bounce.
Now i knew heaven was against me when i entered my street. A woman stopped me.
She said…..
-bia nna, please don’t be angry o.
-no problem ma, i replied.
-please o, don’t be angry o, are you not PASTOR CORNELL’S son?
-yes i am, smiling as i answered.
-hmm, she sighed, looking at me from head to toe.
-your father is a true man of God, why are you not a true child of God?
Jeez, i swallowed my smiled and took off my glasses.
-what? Excuse me? What makes you say that please ?
-see how you are dressed. Tear tear all over your trouser. I can see your blue boxer too. With this shirt that has skeleton head.
Kai, i got angry.
-madam, i replied , with due respect and in Jesus name (i didn’t even know when that one fell from my mouth) mind your damn business. My father is the pastor not me. Character wise, i could even be 100 times better than you.
I wore my glasses and bounced away from her. Then she said…..
-may God have mercy on you. May it never be too late before you realize yourself.
Such a gossip. I replied
Bounce raised to power 10. I turned back, she was still looking at me. Who cares.
I got to my gate and pushed it. I bounced in on one leg when i sighted my dad and mum at the verandah. I paused there, pretending my clothe got stock on something.
Why are they at home na. And i wanted to snap behind dad’s car. Bounce motion went mute. Like a sheep going to the slaughter, i brought in my second leg. I looked up. Dad and mum had their eyes on me.
-dad, mum, good evening.
-Good evening son, my dad replied. God bless you. You’re welcome.
-sir, i replied because i couldn’t believe my ears.
Did dad just tell me God bless you and you are welcome?
-i said, you are welcome, he replied.
Mum didn’t even.answer my greeting. I was scared of dad’s calmness. Yet, i wasn’t ready to change my mind. It’s Jesus with swag all the way.
I have made up my mind to attend GRESH’s church. I went to the barber’s shop. I pointed one crazy style like that.
-Argh, my barber shouted. Junior, wetin happen? Kilode?
-emma wetin dey worry you na? Abeg do this thing. I replied.
-nawa o, ok o, your money na 1500 o.
So i got the cut. Wow, cornell junior is looking like a real niggar mehn. Jesus got this swag ah swear down.
I bounced home. People were looking at me especially the girls (hehehe). Those who their mum didn’t teach self control couldn’t control their feelings.
Fine boy everywhere.
No be pastor pikin be that ?
E don dey barb this kind hair?
Who cares. I feel good tarararararara.
Tomorrow i’m hitting GOLD CROWN CONGREGATION.yeah, that’s Gresham’s church.
I actually was with my face cap.
Immediately i got to the gate, i wore it. Bridge crossed. So i thought.
Immediately i came in, sister sophia called my mum. She said to her…..
-mum, could you please ask your dear son to take off his face cap?
I became an emergency statue.
Lifeless but living
Sister sophia why?
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