WHITE!!!!; The color of your heart??????????????
(A wall flower’s guide to finding God)
Chapter 12
(You don’t play with matters of the heart)
“Tell me why you’re giving up on God, tell me why you’re giving up on Him”
The song, “Ebezina” blasted from Feyikemi’s boom box as we sat on the floor in her room, hunched over textbooks, eating corn and groundnuts from a nylon.
I loved studying with Feyi, almost as much as I loved studying on my own, and not just because she was my best friend, but because I could always count on her to slap me if I were to fall asleep.
I stretched my hand towards the nylon to take some more groundnut, but Feyi grabbed it before it could reach the nylon.
“Chai! Ileri! I saw the amount you took before oh! Fear God nah!” She said, laughing loudly.
I would’ve laughed with her, but her hand on mine triggered the memory of Sean holding my hand and comforting me that day.
A blush crept up my cheeks as I caressed my hand tenderly.
Why was I being like this?
He had just touched my hand.
It was nothing to lose my mind over. Why was I acting like a child?
‘Maybe it’s not the fact that he held your hand, but the way he comforted you that’s making you feel this way,’ a small voice said in my head, and I groaned inwardly.
Yeah.
That was probably it.
I mean, Sean had acted so out of character then, it was natural for me to have gotten flustered. It was no big deal.
I was just making a fuss over nothing.
There was absolutely no way that…..
“Helllooooooo??? Earth to Ilerioluwa?”
Feyi’s voice brought me out of my thoughts.
“Girl, what are you thinking about nah? You should be studying.” She said again playfully.
“Right.” I replied with a chuckle.
The debate competition had come and gone successfully, and at least if I had to judge myself, I would say that Sean and I had done a pretty decent job of decorating.
To celebrate, Tobi told us that the boys would play a friendly game of basketball immediately our exams were over, and that we should all hold off on going home for break for two days.
I was surprised Tobi had even been able to reserve the court for us, considering how often our seniors used it, but then I remembered that he was Tobi, and laughed it off.
It wasn’t like I was going home for the very short Christmas break anyway, but I would have much preferred to stay in my hostel and read a book than attend a basketball game filled with people, but Tobi had given me his signature smile, and had made me promise to attend, as if he had known that I was seriously contemplating ditching the whole thing.
Sometimes, I wondered if that boy could really my mind, or were my thoughts so obviously written on my face?
I sighed, then turned my attention back to my books. For now, we would have to face our exams first.
I scanned through the numerous pages of complicated chemical equations, mumbling that this was more of Itunu’s forte. I don’t even know what I’m doing with my life, living it according to someone else’s expectations, not knowing what I wanted, and even when I did, not having the courage to go out and get it.
Suddenly, Dupe, my roommate who also happened to be Feyikemi’s coursemate and friend, dropped down before us, smiling cheekily.
“Feyikemi! I told you to tell me when you started reading nah!” She scolded, but she didn’t look angry at all.
In fact, she was smiling widely at me.
“Shabi I came to wake you up, you didn’t answer me.” Feyi replied in turn, moving herself and the nylon of groundnut away from Dupe’s giddy feet.
“Ileri!!! Ileri! Babe! I have questions for you oh.” She said, ignoring Feyikemi’s reply and irritated grunt.
“W-what?” I asked nervously, already suspicious of her excited countenance.
Dupe was a nosy fellow, and I was sure that what she was about to ask me was something personal.
“Baaaaaaabeeee, what’s going on between you and the VC’s grandson? Just drop the truth now. No para-ing.”
I groaned.
Of course it was about Sean.
But to be honest, he had to be pretty popular for Dupe to have known who he was.
“What do you mean?” I asked, diverting the question back to her.
“Don’t say that one oh! I saw you guys two weeks ago! You were walking together….” She said giddily and Feyi hissed.
“Uhmm mmm! E kuse CCTV camera. Weldone ma. It’s like you have forgotten that we have paper tomorrow.”
Dupe laughed. “Abeg abeg, you know I can’t pass up gist like this. It looks like this your friend is not as innocent as she looks oh.” She added again, bursting into laughter.
“It’s okay, why don’t you focus on yourself first?” Feyi answered again, getting irritated.
“Okay oh, sorry mummy. I’ve forgotten that Ileri has no social life sef.” Dupe said again, giggling.
“Neither do we.” Feyi shot back, while I sat quietly, just happy that her attention was no longer on me.
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Our exams soon began and it was every bit as tedious as I had expected. I was sure I lost some weight from the stress and was glad when it was finally over. At least now I could go back to having a normal sleep schedule, and not looking like a zombie every morning.
As I sat down picking out the cloth to wear for the basketball game the following day, (it wasn’t like I was wearing anything different, I was just deciding which oversized shirt to wear) my phone dinged with a message.
It was from Tobi.
I was surprised that he messaged me, realizing that it had been awhile.
Remember that I said I felt that he had been avoiding me? Well I had concluded that he must have just been really busy preparing for his exams like everyone else.
‘Hope you’re still coming tomorrow!’ The message read, and I sighed.
He had roped me in, and I couldn’t escape.
‘Yeah, I’ll try.’ I typed back.
‘I’ll try isn’t a definite answer oh. Don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts!’
I groaned.
‘Please tell me that you’re disturbing everyone else like this.’ I answered, and he sent a laughing emoji.
‘Nope. It’s just you. You know I have to watch you extra carefully or else you’ll slip away from me. And I really want to see you too. It’s been awhile.’
My face grew hot at his words. So he had noticed too.
‘Thanks so much CR, for caring about your coursemate.’
He sent another laughing emoji, and I began to wonder whether what I had been saying was really all that funny.
‘I’m not doing this as a Course Rep, Ileri.’ He replied some seconds later, and I could feel through the text that the mood had changed to something heavier.
I gulped.
‘As a friend then?’ I responded nervously, unsure of whether I really wanted to know his answer. He didn’t reply for almost a minute, and when he did, it was cryptic.
‘Whatever you want to see me as, Ileri, I’ll be.’
Obviously I had no idea what he meant, but at this point in my life, I had realized that there are somethings you just can’t figure out, and I would rather sleep than give myself headache.
I sighed, quickly ending the conversation, then picked out a large t-shirt and some baggy jeans, then went to sleep.
????
Sean sat on the basketball court. He had arrived very early and there was no one in sight yet, and he was even surprised that he had come earlier than the wonderful Course Rep Tobi.
He was so annoyed with himself.
He hadn’t wanted to have anything to do with this whole get together or celebration with people he hardly spoke to or knew, but some of the boys had cornered him like FBI agents immediately after their last paper, begging him to be a part of their team for the game. They had said that he was the second tallest boy in their department, and Tobi, the tallest had already chosen his team.
He had declined, obviously, but those boys were persistent, always managing to find him once he was on campus, to the point that he had begun to wonder whether they hacked the CCTV cameras in the school and were using them to monitor him. He had eventually conceded, so as not to get hypertension from their constant nagging.
So here he was, seated on the court. Well, at least Ileri would be here, so it would be bearable.
He heard footsteps, and turned to see Tobi walking on to the court. He then proceeded to sit beside him before Sean could make an exit.
“Good morning Sean.” He greeted cheerily, and Sean grunted in response.
“It’s been so hard to catch you lately. If I didn’t know better, I would think you were avoiding me.”
Sean sighed. Well, there was no getting out of this now.
Tobi continued.
“So, it’s been a month since I asked you to help me out, and you’re yet to give me an answer.”
Wow. He went straight to the point.
He heard Tobi sigh.
“Sean. I’m really trying to understand you, but you’re not making this easy for me.” He said softly, and Sean gave him a glance, then chuckled.
“That is the lamest excuse I have ever heard.” He said, earning a frustrated sigh from the boy beside him.
“If there’s anyone making excuses here it’s you Sean.” Tobi replied firmly, but Sean just gave another sarcastic laugh.
“When we were talking about this last month, I thought I had you figured out. I thought I knew what you wanted. But I guess I was wrong.” Tobi added again firmly.
“Really now? And what made you think that?”
“Sean. At the rate you’re going, someone is bound to get hurt. And I can bet you that you’re going to be that person.”
“Why don’t you cut the act and just come out and ask me what you really want to ask me, Mr Course Rep?”
“Why should I say it for you, when you can’t even say it yourself?”
“You know, you just said that you thought you were wrong in your opinion on me, but I feel like you still think you have me figured out, Course Rep. Well, whatever your conclusions are, they’re wrong. I’m more complicated than you could ever imagine.”
Tobi sighed, then stood up.
“If you won’t help me, then I’ll tell her myself.”
“She’ll reject you.”
“I’m not asking her to date me. I just want to let her know how I feel.”
“Ha. Another lame excuse. And possibly the most over used lie in history.”
“Well you know what Sean? I think you’re the biggest liar of all.” Tobi answered frankly, then walked off.
Sean fell back on the grass, sighing to himself.
Why did people have to make things so complicated?
He knew Ileri. More than anyone else.
Because Ileri was just like Her.
And he knew that someone like Tobi would only bring her harm.
It was that simple.
There was nothing more to it.
He had successfully meddled into their lives, so now he would make his contribution.
People began walking onto the court, as the first rays of sunlight began to filter through the clouds, warming his skin.
He sighed again.
Let the game begin.
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