WHITE!!!!; The color of your heart???????????

(A wall flower’s guide to finding God)

Chapter 11
(I want to……but I don’t want to either)

Sean lay down in his bed, scanning through a textbook. The apartment his parents had rented for him was so big and so empty. He had originally pleaded with them to allow him to stay in a hostel just like everyone else, but they had refused. Honestly he was surprised that they were still treating him kindly, considering how they felt about him.

He had thought they would send him to Nigeria and dump him in Julia’s hands, and he wouldn’t blame them if they did so. They had every right to.

Especially after what he had done.

It had been two whole years, but everything was still vivid and fresh in his memory, like a stain that would never go away.

He had thought that coming to Nigeria would be less of a punishment and more of an escape, as he would be free of the stifling and soul crushing air back home, and it had worked, until he had met Ileri.


Everything about Ileri reminded him of her.

Ileri was just as reckless as she was, just as clumsy and just as stupid.

It had irritated him at first, but seeing Ileri constantly made him think that this was God’s way of punishing him, telling him that he could never escape her.

After all, he didn’t deserve forgiveness for what he had done.

So he had rolled with it.

But then he had begun to enjoy Ileri’s presence, and the fact that the way she was around other people wasn’t the way she was around him.

And Ileri had problems with her sister.

It seemed that Ileri was not only similar to her, but he as well.

It was honestly disconcerting.

As a result of these unnatural similarities, he had grown a little too fond of her, and he had crossed his boundaries, and now gotten himself in a fix.

He didn’t want to have anything to do with anyone, especially not their r0mantic lives. His plan was just to get his B.Sc and get out.

He had told Tobi that he would think about his request, and that had been a week ago.

He had just said that as a front to get Tobi to back off for awhile, and he would use that opportunity to dodge him.

After all, he was an expert at avoiding his problems.

Just like Ileri was. Well she wasn’t really an expert, she failed terribly at trying to avoid him after their altercation the Sunday he had met her sister.

He sighed to himself.

What a mess.


I stood waiting outside the lecture theatre, my stomach growling. I had told Sean to meet me after our final lectures for the day, so that we could quickly touch up on our plans for the debate, which was in three days’ time.

It was funny how time had flown by so quickly.

Tobi had avoided me a little since that day that I lost my ID card. Well, at least it felt like he was avoiding me. I felt like there was something going on, but I just couldn’t place my finger on it.

My stomach gave another angry growl.

I was starving, and the smell of doughnuts coming from the shop beside me wasn’t helping the matter.

My mouth watered, but I forced my eyes away. I just couldn’t afford to watse my money on snacks.

Where was this Sean of a human being?!

His Royal Highness eventually showed up, catwalking down the steps like he owned the place. I felt like eating one of his limbs as payback, but he was too lanky. He wouldn’t fill me.

“Where have you been?!! It’s been fifteen minutes!!” I yelled furiously when he finally reached me.

“I was busy.” He replied, shrugging nonchalantly.

“Weldone oh, Mr Busy. Anyway, you’re going to have to follow me to buy food first, because I’ve almost gone insane with hunger due to your tardiness.” I huffed out, my stomach continuing it’s growling protest.

Sean’s face softened.

“Are you hungry? I……have one Bigi in my bag if you want……”

“Seriously? No way am I accepting food from you. Didn’t your mother teach you not to accept things from strangers? What if you’ve poisoned it?” I replied dismissively.

“Ha! You don’t accept food from outsiders? How come you’re so fat?” He mocked, and I slapped his arm.

“Idiot.” I muttered over his sheepish laughter.

I began to walk speedily in the direction of a Buka, Sean following closely beside me. As we approached the main road however, he stopped me.

“What is it….?” I began irritatedly, but lost my voice when Sean slid his hands into mine.

“What……what…..are you doing?!!!” I whispered furiously, trying to pull my hands out of his, but he held me tightly, and I didn’t want to attract attention.

“We’re near the road, and you know you have a habit of trying to get run over by vehicles. Plus remember that Julia said I should look after you.” He replied casually, while I was losing my mind in embarrassment.

“And this is the only way you could think of?!” I said frantically, pinching his hand and glancing around, to make sure that people weren’t looking at us, but he didn’t even budge.

“Don’t parents hold their children’s hands?”

“God! Sean! This is embarrassing! Everyone is looking at us!”

“No they’re not. It’s in your head.”


I eventually gave up, and I could feel his cheeky grin, while I burned in embarrassment.

I was so uncomfortable.

As we crossed the road, we approached a group of boys sitting under a tree, and I gulped nervously.

I’m sure every girl can relate to this, when you’re walking jejely on the road, and there are a group of boys surrounding where you want to pass, and you either have to walk fast, or bury your head in your phone.

Either way, it was an uncomfortable thing to experience, and the discomfort was amplified for someone like me.

I could already feel their eyes on me before reaching them, and I tried to pull Sean so we could pass another way.

“It’s fine. I’m with you.” He said softly and I began to wrap my hands around my body unconsciously.

His grip on my hand which had grown loose now tightened, and he spoke to me, his eyes on the road.

“You look fine Ileri. Don’t think about them. Just look at me.”

I scoffed.

“Are you stupid? If I look at you, I won’t see where I’m going.”

“But I’m holding you aren’t I? I won’t let you stumble.”

His words hit differently, and I felt a surprising blush creep up my cheeks, my heart thumping loudly in my chest.

What was this feeling?

I didn’t even notice when we passed those boys, because I was now too preoccupied with the boy beside me.

“Why are you suddenly being so chivalrous?” I teased, surprised at how breathless I sounded.

He shrugged, but didn’t answer me, leaving me alone with my conflicting thoughts.

My heart didn’t stop beating loudly, nor was my mind settled, until I was back and safe in my hostel, away from Sean Odeyemi.


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