? Wingless And Beautiful
Episode 2
I stared back at her. “Why?”
She shrugged. “The kids at the center could use a little
encouragement.”
I smirked. “From me? Seriously? Have you met me
lately?”
“I don’t know how you do this, Alice. I would have
been…” She trailed off then she said, “You always look and
sound positive, nobody will be able to guess what happened
to you that night.”
“By that you mean, I still look charming, nobody will
really be able to guess that I was Scarface in real life?”
“No, silly!” she replied. “Not that. I meant… you still
laugh a lot, joke a lot.
Nobody would guess what really
happened to you. I would have been… devastated. Some
kids from the center would be able to learn a lot from you.”
“Really?” I was quite uncertain about what she was
saying.
She nodded. “Some of them didn’t even go through half
the stuff you’ve been through and yet, they lost the will to
live.”
“I don’t know, Mer. This may very well backfire.”
She shrugged. “Well, in any case, you could use a
change of scenery. The institution has beautiful landscaped grounds, a library, a game room and best of all… a music room.”
I stared up at her. “Music room, huh?”
Meredith looked like she really wanted me to come. Not
just because she thought I would be able to help the other
people there. But because she thought it would help me to
see those who stayed in the center… the ones who were as
broken as I was.
I stood up from my bed. “I’ll just shower,” I said.
She beamed at me. “You will like it there, Al.”
Forty minutes later, Meredith was parking her beaten-up
Volkswagen in one of the open parking spaces in CRC.
CRC actually stands for Campbell Rehabilitation Center.
It was a huge estate in our town, with a big, white façade
and a number of different gardens and smaller structures
around it. CRC is a place for the less-than-perfect residents
of our town.
Some stay there for a couple of weeks for little
problems such as broken bones that require physical
rehabilitation.
And yet, some stay for months, maybe even years because they require more intensive rehab… such as those who are terminal, or have head trauma that caused
amnesia, or victims of violence… like me.
I did not expect CRC to look like a big park or
playground. There were a lot of people in the front garden,
chatting and playing. It looked more like a campus than a
rehab center.
“It’s nice, isn’t it?” Meredith asked as we walked
towards the lobby.
“The board that manages this wanted the people who
come here to feel normal.
They wanted this to be a refuge
for all those who needed help. The environment is relaxed.
There’s an open-door policy for most visitors. There are a lot
of recreational activities, and treatments are coupled with
sports and play.”
“And you brought me here because you thought I
needed to be around these people? So I won’t feel bad
about myself?” I asked her bluntly.
Meredith thought carefully before she answered, “No
one should have to go through what you went through and
be… okay.” She didn’t disguise the weary in her tone.
“I knew it!” I whispered under my breath. I shook my
head. “I’m not going to be a burden to you or anybody,
Meredith. I know I’m only sixteen.
That dreadful day was
more than a year ago. Can’t you just trust me when I say
that… I’m okay? I don’t need a dmn shrink!” I was trying to
keep my emotions under control. “I’m fine!”
“I’m sorry.” Tears were starting to well up in her eyes.
“Oh geez, Mer. Don’t cry!” I said, squeezing my temples
with my fingers. I haven’t cried in a long time.
After that night, I haven’t cried at all. I don’t like seeing people sad, especially not because of me. I meant what I said to her.
Life goes on. We just need to keep moving forward. That’s what I keep telling myself each night—in spite of the nightmares. I need to keep moving forward.
Meredith wiped the tears on her cheeks with her fingers.
“I’m sorry, Alice. I just… want to do more for you.”
I smiled at her ruefully. “And you are. You don’t have to
worry so much.”
She took a deep breath. “I hear you at nights, Alice. You
scream in your sleep,” she said in a broken voice. “You do it
almost every night. I’m getting worried.”
I sighed. She wasn’t supposed to know that. I never told
her that it was hard for me to sleep at nights and when I do
manage to drift off, the nightmares never fail to chase me.
“You need to talk to somebody about this, Alice.”
I nodded slightly. “Yeah. But not a shrink,” I said. “I’m
not screwed up in the head, Mer.”
“Not all people who see a shrink are screwed up.”
“Well, because most of the time, those who go to one
are rich. And if you’re rich, you aren’t called crazy; you’re
called… eccentric.”
Meredith sighed. “You could talk to me, you know.”
“I do talk to you,” I argued. “Just not about…” I trailed
off, not wanting to continue…
Well, not really wanting to
remember. Some memories are better left forgotten.
“School is starting in a couple of months,” she said.
“They extended your scholarship.”
“Yeah. I’ll bet Leighton High wouldn’t miss the
opportunity to use that for publicity. You know… for their
social responsibility initiatives. I’m a walking charity case,” I
murmured.
Meredith shook her head. “No. They didn’t do that for
charity. They extended your scholarship because they know you’re brilliant.” She smiled at me encouragingly. “And
maybe it’s time for you to be around kids your age. You
should be out having fun with friends.”
“I don’t really have friends.” That was true. We moved
to this city a few months before my stepfather went…
cuckoo. I got a scholarship at Leighton High, the town’s
most prestigious institution, where the most privileged kids
in town study.
My stepdad was earning a decent living then. But he
lost some money to gambling. Then he went into drug
abuse. And everything was history… yeah, like literally
history. We were featured on the town paper for weeks!
My brighter days weren’t enough time and opportunity
to make friends.
I had a few acquaintances but they all either moved to another city or they just didn’t feel like being friends with the scar-faced girl, who had a drug addict for a stepdad and a… murderer for a mom.
“Then hang around here once in a while,” she said.
“There are kids here the same age as you. And like you…
they’re looking for friends too. You didn’t want to speak to a shrink.
Okay. Maybe you should make friends. Speak to
them. It will help, I’m sure.”
I nodded. I didn’t really believe her. But I just didn’t want to make her feel worse than she already did.
Meredith was
trying hard enough for both of us. The least that I could do
was make her feel that I was cooperating with her when she
was struggling to keep it together.
“Okay,” I agreed. “Now, do you really want me to hang
around with you? Or can I just… take a stroll around this
place?”
She nodded. “Go ahead. I’ll meet you here after three
hours.”
“Cool,” I murmured and then I turned around to walk
away.
I didn’t really know where I was going. But I figured, I
hadn’t been out of the house much in the last couple of months, I should just explore freely.
I was in solitude, just
staying in, doing school stuff. The teachers were kind
enough to allow me to do my schoolwork without
necessarily being in the school.
Meredith picked up my
modules and I studied at home. When I was required to take
a test in the classroom, I showed up for a couple of hours…
aced my exams and then I went back home.
I strolled in one of the gardens. The shrubs were well-
trimmed and the flowers were in full bloom. As I inhaled the
fresh air, I thought to myself… maybe I could take my
‘solitude’ outdoors this time around.
I strolled further into the back of the huge estate. I
found a path that led to an orchard hidden behind the
building.
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