? Wingless And Beautiful
?EPISODE 6?
For months, he was physically assaulting me. He would beat me up and I remembered hiding under the bed whenever he came home.
My mother was helpless
to defend me sometimes.
“We loved him. And he would always feel remorseful
when he sobered up.
But one night, it went too far. In his poisoned mind, he saw me as a demon that he needed to
torture and kill.” I looked up at Hunter, who was listening to
me intently. “You asked me yesterday what was wrong with
me. I have a scar on my face.
He used a chemical on me…
claiming that it would reveal the demon residing inside me.
It burned my skin. The wounds may have healed. But the
scars would always be here to remind me of that fateful
night.” I took a deep breath and suppressed a sob from
escaping my lips. “My mother was strong enough to kill him
to protect me.
But unfortunately, she wasn’t strong enough… to live with it.”
Too many months I held these emotions in. And now that I finally cried… I was afraid I wouldn’t know how to stop.
“I… haven’t cried since that night,” I sobbed. “I try not
to think about it. But every night, it all comes back to me…
when I sleep, the nightmares haunt me. Sometimes, I was
scared to sleep at all.”
Hunter reached out for my face. I took his hand and guided it so he could touch my cheek. His touch felt warm against the cold, dead skin of my scar.
“This scar was not supposed to remind you of what you
lost that night. It was supposed to remind you of what your mother gave up just so you could live,” he said in a
soothing, calm voice.
I shook my head. “I hated her for it. How could she
leave her little girl behind? We weren’t rich but we were
happy. And I had everything I ever needed.
Now… I have nothing. Just my aunt, who was too young to raise a kid on her own.”
Hunter touched my scar again.
“I look monstrous,” I muttered.
“I’m sure you look tough.” He gave me a reassuring smile.
My tears subsided and Hunter released my cheek. He
turned to the direction of the lake. He heaved a heavy sigh
and said, “My mother found out that my father was having
an affair. She had been drinking when she picked me up
from school.
Then she started crying in the car, telling me bits and pieces of how my father had been cheating on her for years. She lost control of her emotions. Unfortunately…
she lost control of the wheel, too.”
“You were in the car with her?”
He nodded. “I lived. She died. I wish I did too. There was
nothing left for me here. A few months after my mother’s
funeral, my father proposed to his mistress and brought her
home. Now, you see… how could I come home? I could
not… would not… bear to be under the same roof as my
father and his new family.
I came to this town because my
uncle lived here. And he told my dad about this place. They
figured it would help… fix me.”
“Did it?”
“Not even a little bit,” he chuckled humorlessly. “And
honestly… I just lost the will to try. The perfect family I once had was gone… but not before I found out it wasn’t really perfect after all.”
“Do you blame her?” I asked him. “Your mom? For what
happened to you?”
Hunter fell silent for a while, contemplating on his answer. “It was easier for me to blame somebody who was there to hear me curse and whine—somebody I could punish. So I never thought about blaming my mom for what happened to me… to us. Because none of it would have
happened… if my father was not cheating on us in the first
place.”
“I haven’t thought about my mom in a long time,” I
admitted sadly. “I didn’t know whether I should thank her
or… blame her. Love her or hate her.” Tears rolled down my
cheeks again. “All I know is that… I wish she never left me. I didn’t want to talk about it. I didn’t want to cry. But I’m
getting tired of being strong sometimes.”
Hunter nodded. “I know exactly what you feel.” He felt
for my hand and gave it a squeeze. “Allison… you can be
weak here with me. And I would never judge you or expect
anything from you. Know that the things you feel about
losing your mom…
I feel the exact same things too. So you don’t have to worry. You’re on friendly grounds here with me.”
I smiled and I wished he could see it. It had been a while
since I talked to someone who understood me… it had been
a while since I felt like I really had a friend.
“Thank you,” I whispered. I leaned my head on his
shoulder and I felt him put his arm around my back. I did
what he said. I allowed myself to be weak… even for just a
little while.
The next day, I asked Meredith to bring me back to the
center. She was more than happy to oblige. She must have
noticed something different in me yesterday. Sure, my eyes
were swollen, but I did feel lighter. Slowly, I was able to face my demons. I was able to unload a little of those suppressed emotions… the emotions that prevented me from
functioning properly and looking at life positively no matter how many times I tried to smile or laugh and say that I was okay.
When I hopped off the car and entered the grounds of CMC, I immediately walked to the path that led to the garden I shared with Hunter. When I got there, I was surprised to see that he had a basket with him and a guitar case.
“What’s all these?” I asked.
“Figured I was starving you, sitting here all day. So, I
thought we should have some sustenance,” he replied,
grinning.
“And the guitar is for?”
He shrugged. “I haven’t…” he trailed off. I figured that
he meant that he hadn’t played the guitar since his accident. He wanted to give it a shot today.
As I looked at Hunter’s handsome face, looking lost and
confused, I thought that if only I could make him find a
reason to live each day of his life, I would feel okay.
I would probably gain back a little of the light I thought I lost. He didn’t deserve to be in this institution. He belonged in school, with pretty cheerleaders swarming in his circle, hoping to catch just a little of his attention.
“I’m starving,” I said. I opened the picnic basket, took
out the cloth and placed it on the table.
Then I took out the
sandwiches and the bottles of water and cartons of juice he
brought. “Who fixed all these?”
“I’m friends with the chef,” he answered. “He’s the only
one who kept me happy in this place.”
I laughed. “I could understand that.”
“What did he put in there?”
I recited the contents of the basket as I took them out. I
pulled out the last piece of item. I was surprised to find that it was a rose. I sucked in a deep breath.
“What is it?” he asked.
“A… flower. Rose to be exact,” I replied. “I think… he’s
mistaken this for a date.”
Hunter fell silent for a while. Then he said, “Yeah. I
didn’t ask, so it isn’t a date.”
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