MY MARRIAGE DIARY
“Why are you so sluggish in bathing quickly is it your fat body that is causing all this, why all these stretch mark…. why all these.” He will say to me.
Most times I will try to ignore and sometimes I will try explaining to him that it was not my fault that my body keeps adding more fat and weight. But he will not listen he terms it as my habit of eating too much.
I tried using the gym most times just to show that I am trying my best to make him happy but he did not appreciate.
“I don’t think you can follow me to my friend’s birthday party, as I can’t imagine what they will say if they see you. This is not the woman I married back then,” Jude said to me one day as we were preparing to leave for his friend’s birthday.
“But what is wrong, Okay, I have a waist trainer at home I will use it, don’t be offended” I would try and beg him.
We will seat in the car but the bad thing he does was to compare me with other ladies that he sees on the road while driving.
“See that woman now with four kids, see her body in good shape but some people just have one and they are turning to another thing. What if they now give birth to four children also, only God knows how they are going to cope.” Jude said that day.
I felt embarrassed and reduced that day but just to prevent another show, I was silent all through just to avoid another showdown of beating. Even though a blind man would know I was not happy as my face was sore.
Throughout the party it was name calling comparing to the wives of his friend that were around. I tried to stomach it but could not and this made me leave him on the table that were sitting to another place. Although, he came to meet me over there but I rejected his attempt to touch me or even say a word.
After the party, we went back home arguing on things that were not necessary. This argument affected our child who was just three years old that he began to cry. I was even trying to tell him to stop but Jude was adamant and would never listen.
Lest I forget, he loves to enforced his will and decision on me. Most especially when he wants to have affairs with me, most times it is against my will.
“Are you going to deny me my right as your husband” He will ask me.
“No one is saying that here but I am kind of tired and stressed out please bear with me, I will tell him. Instead of him to listen to me, he will start abusing and saying he was suspecting me, if I am loyal to him or I am seeing another man outside.” He will say to me.
“How would you say that to me? You should know that I was busy throughout today and that has caused my weakness. I asked you to help me out but you claim it is my duty and not a man’s work,”I said to him.
‘Oh, that is nice, so I should be the one cooking for you in the kitchen just because you want to have rest. I should carry the child because you are tired, you should have turned me into a woman then, nonsense”. Jude will reply me like that whenever I tell him I was weak.
It kept on going like this everyday, I was abused mentally, emotionally, and psychologically that I became detach from my husband who was not even moved by what was happening. He began to spend more time outside complaining that his business was not moving. I tried to help him see reasons that keeping late at night would not solve the problem but he will not listen.
To worsen the situation, he began to take alcohol, at first he claimed that he was relieving himself of stress and that he would stop. I prayed, told his parents to speak with him but he became a heavy drinker as he would come home smelling and stinky.
Jude believes that I was just in the house as a wife and had nothing to do with me. He has chains of girlfriend and flirts a lot even to my face and anytime he feels like having anything to do with me, it was brutal and with force.
“Jude this act needs to stop, your son is longer having intimacy with you, you are behaving like a stranger here. Why are you like this, you have to retrace your step please, be the man I knew that I fell in love with and not the kind you are now…please you have to change, let me have my husband back” I pleaded with him.
But that day, I regretted saying that, it was physical battle that led to exchange of blows. He slapped me and I retaliated with mine, he was shocked, he was then annoyed and he began to kick me in my stomach. I was able to withhold all the pains I was having as I moved to him and pushed him down with force. But It was a mistake , he slipped and hit his head on the ground, from there he bled till he lost consciousness .
“Jude, Jude, I began to shout that fateful day. Thank God for the timely intervention of one of my neighbors that helped in putting him in the car and took him to hospital.
It was a painful moment because both of us were admitted. I have injury due to complications from the kicks and blows I got from him but still I was praying that he will not die. I was not myself that period as I made up my mind to issue him a divorce letter. I had thought over it several times but this time there was no going back, I had concluded, so nothing can stop it.
“Mama, I am giving Jude a divorce paper, it is better to be separated than to be with a man that will kill me” I said to my mother who came to greet us at the hospital.
“Ah, abomination, in our fathers’s house we don’t do such, a woman must stay with her family no matter what” my mother said to me.
“I should stay and die, is that what you want” I asked her.
“Not like that, you see what will the people say, what will society say, you are leaving your husband house to your own place, abomination” My mother said.
“But see the suffering I am undergoing, this is the seventh time I will be having miscarriage and undergone operations five times, mama. Please let me serve him divorce notice” I explained to her.
“You want to give yourself a name in the society, dear, please don’t do so” My mother begged me.
I just kept mute and later agreed not to give him but with the warning that anytime he raises his hand on me again, I will do that. But I made a serious mistake, I should have grabbed that opportunity…
Something later happened.
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