? Chapter one [ 1]?
~ Isabella~
I feel empty , not sad and not angry . I just feel empty as my eyes scanned the streets of harmony looking for food or any person who could spare me some change for tonight because I haven’t eaten in days. My stomach growls out of eargerness questioning my reason for the delay of food .
I couldn’t help but catch a glimpse of a family passing me by on the bench giving me a small smile . They looked pretty occupied as they laughed their way to the nearest expensive restaurant .
I don’t smile back because in this life of mine I Never had a reason to smile . My lips are sealed with unshed h©rrible moments of my life .
My parents never loved me from the day I was born because they immediately threw me away to a nearest trash hole they could find . I never knew them , I grew up knowing that I was never unwanted . My step parents who found me never gave a sht about me . They took care of me because of the money they were getting from the government .
I remember the day I ran away from home like it was yesterday . My stepfather used to come in my room every night after my stepmom was asleep to fuck me . The first time he came in my room when I was eight years old I was confused . He didn’t say anything to me as he took off my cl©thes slowly . I just sat silently on my bed not knowing what he is doing to me . By that time I was scared of my stepfather because he was an abu$ive parent .
He made me lie down on my stomach , he didn’t force me , I didn’t refuse because I was confused . I was scared . I didn’t cry because I was tired crying . I just lied down on my stomach silently as the weight of his body got on top of me . It did hurt but I didn’t cry because I was used of it . He wasn’t the first person to rappe me and he wouldn’t be the last . It took him several minutes to do whatever then he got up and left the room . I just sat up , went into the bathroom and washed away the sticky things he left my body.
After that night , he came repeatedly after my stepmom was asleep and rapped me until I got tired of it at the age of 16 and told my stepmom everything .
After I poured my lungs out to her about everything she gave a disgusting look and said ” I knew you were $educing my husband young lady and I’m tired of your sht . Leave my house right now !” She angry pushed me out of her house . I just stood by the porch after she slammed the door on my face and cried silently because it hurts , I can’t take it anymore but my last hope doesn’t even believe me .
I eventually gave up on begging them to let me go back in and I left . From that day I have been living in the Streets and I’m now 17 years old . Sometimes it’s tough living in the streets because there are some people who are striving their way to providing for their family that I end up being robbed after working my a$$ off begging people for money or food . Sometimes I ended up being rapped by the lowlives in the street without no one to help me but I don’t care . I have got used of being treated like nothing but a toy.
I used to sleep in shack with a young pro$titute but she died a year ago after being infected with AIDs because she didn’t get proper medical care . Now I sleep in a little box behind some big buildings .
I once tried to kill myself but I never really died because the next thing I woke up to a hospital bed . The doctors were gonna send me to juvenile court but I escaped .
I don’t need no one to take care of me even the ones I thought loved me threw me away to die . I have been hurt thousands times , physically and emotionally . I can’t no longer bring myself to cry out for help because people don’t care . I was alone from the day I was born and I will be alone until I die .
I once came across this article Story on a magazine I found in a dumpster. It talked about how God loves and cares for us and how he is looking after us above .
I looked in the sky after reading the article where they say he is and asked him why didn’t he protect me when all the men rapped men . Why didn’t he let me die when my parents threw me away because I have nothing to live for . Why didn’t he make my stepparents love me. Why does it hurts this much because the pain is unbearable . How can I Surrender to him whilst he isn’t giving me a reason to do so .
My life is a pothole of sadness filled with tears that I can’t sustain anymore . There are scars that no man could ever heal inside me . I’m broken and I feel hollow .
I stood up from the bench and walked away not caring if some guy could be following me because they always do . No one will never love a person like me . I feel useless and cheap . I no longer believe in anything because my life is full of nothing but pain that I must endure for the rest of my life .
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