Just The Beginning ?
Episode forty eight
Vee
The house is super beautiful. It has a dark red roof and beige walls, as well as huge bay windows that provides ample of natural light. I especially love the windows in the living room as it faces the streets where large old oak trees grow.
There’s a fireplace in between the living room and the kitchen that’s big enough to park a car. There’s a door that leads from the kitchen to the backyard, so we have an opportunity to have dinner outside when the weather is fine.
There’s also a gym, a home theater room that,s much more spectacular, than the one in his apartment, and an office that he set up for himself.
The house has five bedrooms with each having it’s own bathroom, all of them been spacious with walk in closets.This place is so calm and peaceful. It’s the best place to relax and am sure it’ll be the best suitable for Maya’s recovery.
” Why is the closet full of clothes? I thought no one lives here? ” I ask.
He’s done showing me around and we are in the last room which happens to be his bedroom.
” Well.. I had bought some clothes for Stacy as part of the surprise. ”
” Okay.. ” I say looking at the expensive clothes in front of me. ” So.. You’ve never once brought her here? ” I ask curiously.
” No, no one else knowns about this place. You are the only person I’ve brought here, ” Alex says.
One thing I’ve come to learn about Alex is that he gives his all when he’s in love. I don’t get how Stacy could ever cheat on him. Any woman would be fucking lucky to be with him! I mean, apart from been handsome, he has a sweet heart and I love that.
I wont deny that am hurt by the fact that he has someones else in his heart already, and she’s going to be enjoying his sweet ksses and caresses, but apart of me is happy for him. He deserves to be happy. Let’s just hope that she’s nothing like Stacy.
” We are going to move in tomorrow, and some guys are going to come by later this evening and fix Mayas room to make sure she has everything she needs. ”
” That’s a good plan, ” I say smiling lightly at him. ” Thank you for doing this.”
” Anything for you, ” he says gazing at me. His gorgeous eyes are holding an emotion that I can’t comprehend and I swear my feet feel like jelly and my pulse is racing.
I can’t be alone with him anymore, we have to leave before I forget that he’s taken and end up acting crazy and kss him again!
” Have you ever been in love, ” he asks surprising me.
I don’t get where that came from.
” No, ” I say shaking my head.
” Would you ever want to? ”
” I don’t think so. Falling in love makes you vulnerable. It opens up your heart and soul and that means someone can get inside you and mess you up. ”
” You are partly right but it’s not always as bad as you make it sound. The feeling is great, it makes you feel like you are flying without wings, especially when you gaze into the eyes of the one you love, or when you hold them in your arms and that, is worth everything pain. ”
” Well.. Am not ready for any kind of pain right now, and I think it’s about time we head home. I need a shower and some sleep .”
” It’s pouring heavily outside and we should propably wait for the rain to stop, ” he says his voice kind of low. ” You can shower here and rest for a while. ”
” But, I don’t have anything to wear! ”
” Come on Vee, you have a closet full of clothes in front of you! I’ll be in the kitchen making us some coffee, ” he says and I can’t help but notice the sad look he has on.
Did I do anything wrong?
” Okay, ” I say as I watch him walk out. I grab a T-shirt, sweat pants and a towel from the closet and later walk in the bathroom.
Am done in about twenty minutes, and on my way to the living room. I walk over to the dinning table where Alex is seated, sipping on his coffee. He seems to be deep in thought.
” Here, ” he says handing me a cup of coffee as i sit next to him.
” Thanks. ”
” Am sorry Vee, ” he says his eyes on me. ” Please forgive me for what I said in the car.I hope you are not mad at me anymore. ”
” Am not mad but I am disappointed that your opinion on me is still the same. How could you think that I’d go around kssing you, while am in a relationship with George?! ”
” Am sorry..that was stupid of me, ” he say holding my hand. ” I promise that won’t happen again. ”
With the way he’s looking at me, there’s no way i can say no to him.
“Okay… I guess we can be friends again. ”
” I don’t want us to be friends Vee, ” he says softly acting kind of nervous and I look at him confused. ” I want is to be more than that. ”
” What?! ”
” I know of you heard me Vee, and don’t tell me you can’t see how crazy i am about you! I mean, friends don’t kss or look at each other like we do, ” he says cupping my cheeck.” You’ve bewtched me… body and soul, and I love… I love you.”
Am completely out of breath and I still don’t understand what’s happening.
Did he just say that he loves me?! This is the second time he’s said it but it sounded so different this time like… he ment it.
No… This isn’t real.
He’s looking at me hopefully, waiting for me to say something but am not sure what to say. I feel like time has suddenly stopped!
” Vee.. Please say something. ”
” I Dont know what to say, ” I say getting up and he does the same, and I stiffen as i feel his hand on my waist.
” Tell me you love me, ” he says his eyes pleading. ” I know it’s kind of hard to believe what am saying, but its true. I adore you for everything you are. The way you speak, the way you eat, the cute snore you make when you are sleeping, and even the way you laugh obnoxiously at the little things! Am so wildly attracted to you that I can actually feel it driving me insane and I can’t hold it anymore! ”
My heart is dancing with excitement. I feel like am on top of the world but I have mixed feelings about this.
” Vee come on, say something! ” he say desperately. ” Don’t you feel anything for me? Do you love me?” he asks fear clear in his eyes.
” I… I do, ” i say my heart beat increasing and his eyes shine with excitement.
” You do?! ” he asks as he sighs in relief, smiling from ear to ear. ” Does this mean that you are officially mine now?”
” I don’t know about that yet, ” I say moving back slightly from him. ” I don’t think am ready for a relationship right now.”
” Why? Is it because of Maya? You should know that am not in any kind of hurry. I’ll wait until you are ready, ” he says the smile never leaving his lips.
” It has nothing to do with Maya.I just don’t think…I’ll ever be ready, ” I say nervously and he looks at me confused.
” What do you mean? I thought you said you loved me? ”
” I do but…. we just can’t be together? ”
“I don’t get it, what’s stopping us? ”
” My past ” I think to myself but don’t say a word to him.
Am not sure if I should tell him what exactly is holding me back .What will happen when he finds out the truth? Will he still want to be with a rape victim?
I can’t be in a relationship in which I’ll be living in fear of what might happen, and I still don’t have the guts to tell him the truth.
” Don’t be stupid Vee! This is your chance to finally be happy in life. Don’t you dare loose it!” My councious says and am sure that’s the same thing Maya would say if she were here, but am still confused.
” Are you scared of getting hurt?” he asks tilting my chin up, making me look at him. ” I won’t hurt you Vee. Stop complicating things and let me show you love can be easy, if you just let it be. ”
“Am sorry….but I can’t, ” I say shaking my head trying my best to avoid his eyes. I just can’t bare to see the sadness in them.
” It’s okay, ” he says calmly ,looking so broken. ” I know you have your reasons and i wont try to force anything on you but I’ll be here, if you ever change your mind. I’ll be in my room, ” he says turning and walks towards the stairs.
I sit back down, tears streaming down my eyes the minute he’s out of sight.
It pains me to see him like that and i feel like my heart is been cut into pieces, but what choice do I have?!
I love him and want to be with him too, but I dont want to start a relationship based on secrets or lies.
How do I expect him to accept me after he finds out the truth, when I haven’t even accepted myself yet?
I don’t think am good enough for him, he deserves better.
Fuck this stupid insecurities!
Am so confused, what the hell do I do now?!
*****
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