WHEN I FALL: Episode 11-20




“And now I just have two wishes!” Kathleen stated.

“wishes aren’t supposed to be told out loud but can I know what they are?” I asked.

“Well I don’t mind sharing my wishes with you, since they both kind of involve you!” she smiled.
Does it involve me?
“And they are?” I asked inquisitively dropping my pizza and going for the coke.

“And second thoughts, I do mind sharing them with you, maybe another time!” Kathleen chuckled devouring her pizza like her life depended on it.
The Coke made a sizzling sound when I opened it and Kathleen’s eyes darted straight to it.
“Whoa! Does it make sounds like that each time you open it?” I asked?
“Yes it does!” I said dropping mine and opening the second bottle. She Beamed when it made the sizzling sound again.
It’s funny how she finds the Littlest things that make absolutely no sense, very interesting.

She grabbed the bottle of Coke down her throat in one go. She paused in no time and shut her eyes…
She opened her eyes and gasped heavily.
“Whoa!” she said.
“What?” I smirked.
“Did… it… The drink, it did something with my nose and my head. I don’t know what it was and it also made her sound in my head too!” she explained rushing her words and breathing in a husky way.
“It’s coke and that happens when you drink coke because carbon dioxide gas was added, so it gives that sparky head feeling when you drink more than you can carry!” I explained.
“I like it though!” Kathleen said, taking another sip.

We both ate quietly until Kathleen groaned.
“There are so many foods I’ve tried since I came here and there are some foods I haven’t, but to me, I’d say this is probably my favourite!” Kathleen said happily, grabbing another slice.
There were eight big slices, the one in my hand is actually the second one I would be eating since we opened the pizza box and now they’re only two slices remaining and Kathleen just grabbed one of them.
Yeah, a food devourer is living in my house. Good for me.

“Do you always eat like this?” I had to ask.
“Eat like what?” Kathleen looked up and I saw that cheese had smeared all over her mouth.
I laughed. “Eat like you don’t eat at all! I’m not complaining but I’m just shocked, you gobble every food within seconds,”

“Is that a bad thing?” Kathleen looked away shyly.

“It’s not” I shook my head Negatively.
She smiled and looked back up at me. We both made eye contact, that led us to pause for a brief moment, though looking into her eyes nothing happened, I didn’t feel anything, like I have felt days ago, it was just a normal eye contact and I didn’t want to look away.
Her bright brown hers shyly moved down to her slice of pizza and I scoffed.

“You are really pretty!” I didn’t know when the word escaped my lips as I grabbed my bottle of Coke.
The pizza dropped from Kathleen’s hand and landed on the table, missing the plate.
Kathleen looked flushed as her eyes were wide open and her lips were closed and into thin straight line.
“What’s…. Wrong?” i know I didn’t say anything wrong, I made a compliment I didn’t even want to make.

Kathleen looked down. “I’ve heard other people call me pretty all the time, but coming from you sir, Joseph, it just made my body heat up on the inside and my heart started to race, my head felt like it was about to explode and I couldn’t feel my hands!” Kathleen explained.
I laughed nervously.
“Wow!… you are very straightforward, next time can’t you try to keep what you feel inside rather than explaining your sudden emotion?” I expound.
She explained the coke part and now she’s explaining how she felt receiving my compliment.
She should have her own chronicle.

“But how can I know what I’m feeling if I don’t explain them out to you, and this is all new to me!” Her perfectly straight eyebrows crawled up in a worried looking way.
“I understand!” I sighed.
I’m sure wherever she used to be or live, they don’t get much and that’s why they don’t feel too many emotions like us.
“Okay then any time you feel anything new, voice it out to me and I’ll try to be the best psychologist, and what you just felt now was a blush, a flushed feeling, a feeling we get when we’re either, shy, embarrassed or ashamed! And you just felt that, maybe because you’re probably shy and it’s your first time receiving a compliment!” I expound and she smiled happily.
“Wow, how do you know so much sir, Joseph!” she blinked her eyes.
“I don’t know so much, I’m just telling you the little I know!” I retorted.
“Whoa, you’re really smart, If that’s the little you know!” she gasped and I laughed.

“I’m just having all sort of new different feelings but I don’t know what they are or how they’re being called. But at least I can tell if I’m happy or sad.” she smiled taking a bite.
“Well, okay, can you explain one of this new different feeling?” I asked taking the last bite from my slice of pizza. And finally grabbing the last slice from the box.

“Okay one of them” she suddenly drops her pizza and her head was down “was the day you found out about me, when you left, I felt something heavy on my chest, it was heavy and was weighing me down, I felt… Uh I think ashamed of myself, my hands shook on its own, my legs were weak, and there was this bitter feeling I was feeling on the inside it made me want to tear off every part of my body, I felt like peeling off my skin, pulling out my hair and also puking when I saw myself in front of the mirror!” Kathleen explained not smiling at all…
Whoa! Good thing she didn’t harm herself…
And that feeling, I believe it should called ‘self hatred!’

“What you felt was just sadness!” I Lied.
“Really, it felt more than when I was just sad!” she sighed.
“It’s just sadness!”. I can’t let her know she hates herself.

She suddenly smiled. “But anyways the past is in the past, we can talk about something else now… oh and also there’s this other feeling I’m unable to understand, it’s a sweet feeling though if that explains it!”.
“A sweet feeling?” I repeated.
“Yeah” she nodded. “I get they feeling when I’m around Mary,”
She smiled and my heart skipped a beat.
She shouldn’t have any sweet, bitter or crazy feeling beside my daughter.
I laughed nervously. “And can you explain this feeling?”
She’s pretty good with expressing what she feels. Not everyone can do that.
“Okay, I like being close to Mary, i like it when she smiles at her, I want her to sleep close to me, wake up with her still beside me, I want to make her breakfast, lunch and dinner and feed her from my own thighs, I want to always be there for her, I want her to only look at me and I don’t know… that’s how I feel with Mary!” Kathleen shrugged.
I didn’t know when I smiled.
She loves Mary.
“That is called love. You love Mary!” I smiled.
“is that what love feels like?” she asked.
I nodded.
“Yeah love can be different though!” I stated.
“So that means I love you too?”.

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