WHITE!!!!;The color of your heart??????????
(A wall flower’s guide to finding God)
Chapter 26
(Unforgiving heart…..)
Tobi spotted me seated a few metres from the door and waved at me curtly.
I smiled brightly and waved back, and he seemed a little bit amused at my enthusiastic reaction.
I knew that he probably wouldn’t leave the library till they were ready to close up, so I gathered my things and shuffled my way over to his direction, not quite knowing what my plan would be to get him to bed with me.
I trudged lightly till I got to where he was, remembering that he always liked to sit at the quiet side of the library which also happened to house on of the only working ACs.
He looked up at my intrusion and smiled sweetly, while I sat heavily beside him, suddenly getting nervous.
“This is a pleasant surprise.” He whispered in my ear, and I chuckled awkwardly.
“I haven’t been concentrating well these past few days, so I thought that reading with a genius would knock some Sense back into my head.”
He chuckled lightly.
“Well you should have messaged me and said so before, I would have joined you, instead of you putting yourself through all this trouble.”
“And by trouble you mean just walking the few meters from my seat to yours? You’re funny Tobi.”
My words were flowing out as smoothly as glass, no stuttering, no nervousness.
I sighed inwardly.
Where was this courage when I actually needed it?
He faced me and smirked, then chuckled again.
I bit my lip, suddenly feeling excited and nervous at the thought of doing the deed with him.
You see? All I needed was to do it again, to get rid of the guilt.
He turned the page on his book, and I knew that even though he was talking to me, he had already started siphoning his attention back to his books.
“So, were you able to get what you needed with Sean’s address?”
I froze at his words, all the feelings of guilt and worthlessness rushing back into my body.
He turned back to face me when he didn’t get any response.
“Ileri….?”
My head snapped back up from my it’s ninety degree position.
“Oh….what were you saying?”
He rested his chin on his knuckles, smiling at me teasingly.
“Are you okay?”
“Of course, why do you ask?”
“You seem…. different.”
I smirked, and licked my lips.
“I thought you said you liked this side of me.”
He snorted.
“I do. But you can’t do things like this around me anymore, since you’re someone’s else’s girl now. And being like this only makes it harder for me to let you go.”
My eyes widened.
No no,back up Tobi.
“What do you mean?” I asked, my voice coming out a bit louder than I expected.
He faced me, eyebrow raised.
“You and Sean are a things now aren’t you? Honestly I saw it coming from a mile away.”
I folded my arms.
“We’re not.”
He was silent for awhile, and I couldn’t blame him. The wheels were probably turning in his head at my statement.
“Well, maybe not yet, but you have feelings for him don’t you?”
I felt my heart ripping apart.
“My feelings don’t matter anymore.”
Tobi sighed, but didn’t say anything else on the matter.
He focused his attention back on his books, and I sighed too.
Things weren’t going according to plan.
I needed to turn this study session back around.
“Tobi, I have some problems with this topic, could you help me out….?”
I made my voice as sultry as possible, leaning over and making sure to get as close as possible to him, to the point where my face was only inches away from his.
As expected, he reacted to the contact, turning to face me.
He stared at me for awhile, before forcing his gaze back to the question.
I clicked my tongue, irritated his self control.
I continued to do this type of thing, leaning over and getting close to him, touching his shoulders, even going as far as unbuttoning the top of my shirt.
After about 45 minutes of this, he chuckled.
“Ilerioluwa, are you sure you really came here to read? You’ve been asking me questions every five minutes, and I know you’re smart enough to answer most of them.”
I bit my lip.
“Well, if I’m not here to study, what am I doing here then?”
He face me , his eyes hooded.
“Stop this Ilerioluwa. It wouldn’t be right.”
I frowned.
“Stop what?”
“Whatever it is you’re trying to get both of us to do.”
I hissed.
Tobi was smart, and I had forgotten that.
He was smart and blunt.
“But would it be so wrong?”
He sighed again.
“I said you’ve changed didn’t I? I’m only getting more curious to know exactly what brought it about.”
I bit my lip in defeat, deciding to give up this round, so that he wouldn’t get too suspicious, and so I wouldn’t have to reveal anything to him.
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Days later, I called him again, asking if we could have another study session.
I told him we could meet in his hostel and study there, giving him some flimsy excuse about how I wasn’t focusing enough and needed a change of environment.
Feyikemi hadn’t spoken to me much since our altercation.
She only ever gave me curtly greetings, and I knew she was still hurting from my words.
Sean on the other hand, was a lost cause.
In fact, I hardly saw him anymore, and I convinced myself that I didn’t care.
I had expected Tobi to object, but he didn’t, and I happily made my way to his hostel, after he gave me the address.
Upon arriving there, the boy had smartly suggested that we read on the patio outside.
His hostel was one of the fairly new ones, so it wasn’t crowded yet, And I was thankful for that.
We did a few minutes of reading outside, before I spoke up, telling him that I needed to use the toilet.
He handed me his room key, and I headed upstairs.
I hung around in the bathroom for a few minutes, then called him, making my voice sound as panicked as possible.
“Tobi….. I think I broke something in your bathroom.”
“Really? Ehn just leave it there and come downstairs. Don’t worry about it.”
Are you kidding me?
What was wrong with this boy?
“No….it’s leaking water everywhere. Won’t your roommate be angry when he gets back?”
“My roommate travelled…but I’ll come up and check.”
Success!
I waited for awhile, before hearing a soft knock on the door.
I unlocked it and he stepped in, avoiding me and heading straight for the bathroom.
“Ileri….I thought you said something was broken…..”
His words were cut short when he turned back and saw me standing inches away from him.
“What…..”
I pressed my lips to his, cutting him off.
He didn’t move for some seconds, then pushed me away.
“Why are you doing this? It’s wrong.”
He sounded much more calm and composed than Sean had.
“Because I want to.”
“What about Sean?”
“Can you please stop asking about him?”
He sighed, rubbing his eyes.
“Well, no matter what, I won’t be a ploy in whatever revenge you’re trying to have on him by sleeping with me.”
He began to leave, and I grabbed his hand.
“Tobi….” I forced tears out of my eyes.
“This isn’t about Sean. It’s about you and I. Didn’t you say you had feelings for me? Are you just going to leave me like this? I….I need you.”
I looked up, and saw serious conflict and war in his eyes. I could tell he was slowly losing his grip on himself control.
I took the opportunity to slowly pull him towards me, then caressed his cheeks softly.
“It’s…..this isn’t….”
“Shhhh.”
I closed the gap between us, once again pulling his l!ps into mine.
????
Why was this happening?!!!
Once again the deed was done, but I only felt worse!!!
I felt like strangling myself and pulling out my eyes.
What on Earth was the problem?!!!
Tobi stood beside me, getting dressed slowly.
He didn’t even look at me.
“Are you satisfied Ilerioluwa?”
God.
He sounded just like Sean.
“What are you going to do now?”
He finally looked at me, and I could see the pain and guilt in his eyes.
“You know how I feel about you, and yet….you used my feelings to….”
His voice broke, and I felt like screaming.
No! No!
I had hurt another person!
Again!
Not again!!
Tobi! Please get rid of that look in your eyes!
Stop making me look like a monster!!
“Were you planning on forming a relationship with me after this? Ha. Even if you were, which I highly doubt, this wasn’t the way to get start it. What we just did now …is a sin Ilerioluwa.”
No!!!
Not him too!!!
God!!! Why are you doing this to me?!!!
“So…..In the end, I guess you were just using me…. weren’t you Ilerioluwa?”
I gulped, suddenly finding it so hard to breathe.
He sighed again.
“I guess it was partially my fault. I knew what you were trying to do, yet I still let you near me.”
I began to sob.
“I…. I…..” No words came out.
“I’ll leave now so you can get dressed and go home.”
He said finally and walked out of the room.
No!!!
God…. God!!!
I felt like jumping off the balcony.
‘Pr0$titute. You’re a pr0$titute.’
I looked around for the voice calling me that name, till I realized that it was my own.
“You’re a shameless pr0stitute Ilerioluwa.”
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