Forgetting Dad
Written by Sonia Okehie
Episode 6
A forgiving heart is a good virtue for everyone to possess but most times, it isn’t that easy to let go and forgive someone that hurt you. We are humans and not supermen after all so it’s absolutely normal to feel resistant for a while before finally forgiving someone that badly hurt you. In Mr Jones case, it was going to be an almost impossible thing for Vera to completely forgive and forget all he did to her. The painful reality of the whole matter was that Mr Jones succeeded in crushing his daughter’s spirit and inflicting a wound that would take till eternity to heal.
Imagine living the rest of your life with the memories of your own biological father making love to you. Do you know how traumatising it will be for that person to live the rest of their lives with that barbaric act lingering in their mind? A lot of people think it’s only when a person is 6ft below the ground that they can be considered dead, but forget that someone could be killed in so many ways that doesn’t warrant them to be physically injured or lie in a casket.
The death of the soul is more painful than the physical death we all know of. It’s a sad reality indeed that alot of people we come in contact with on a daily basis are dead within, due to some hurtful and hunting things they might have gone through that crushed them. You never know if that lady or man that smiled at you few hours back was molested by trusted relatives, raped or sexually abused. If only looks weren’t deceptive, we might learn to be a little more kind to people we come in contact with on a daily basis.
It was sad that the one woman who was supposed to be her daughter’s ride or die partner, gossip mate, trusted companion and adviser, was just finding out after 24 years that her only child and daughter was molested by her husband and constantly undergoing sexual abuse still as an adult. Words would fail me indeed to properly explain how Mrs Jones felt at that moment. At that point, nothing else in the whole word mattered to her because she realised that she had ruined her daughter’s life and wasn’t fit to be called a mother.
The atmosphere that evening was filled with diverse emotional outbursts as neither Vera nor her mum could contain their brokenness and how they were feeling. It was such a heartbreaking moment to behold.
After over 20 minutes of crying and letting out piled up emotions and pain, Vera managed to cool down a little and gradually stopped crying. On the other hand, Mrs Jones was still sober because she was overshadowed by guilt and highly ashamed of herself. Everything still felt like a bad dream that Mrs Jones wished to wake up from but sadly it wasn’t a dream.
Shortly afterwards, they went upstairs to Vera’s apartment and the real conversation started. Vera narrated everything that has been going on under Mrs Jones nose and didn’t leave any stone unturned, unlike she did with Dennis.
As Vera narrated her ordeal to her mum, Mrs Jones opened her mouth all through and couldn’t shut it. Tears fell off her eyes all through Vera’s narration as she couldn’t believe that her own husband that she trusted with her life could boycott other matured ladies that could have been willing to satisfy his lustful urges, but rather decided to have his way with his own blood daughter. Totally Unbelievable!
When Vera was done talking, her devastated mum finally spoke. “Baby I’m so sorry for not being the best mother that I could to you. Honestly, I thought I was doing you a favour by being hardworking so I and dad can provide everything you need, but I never knew I was ruining your life. How could I have known that your father would do such an abominable thing to his own daughter? I trusted him and couldn’t have been that carefree if it was someone else. I might never forgive myself for making such a terrible man your father. I knew he was a womaniser right from our courting days, but never believe that his womanising will reach his own daughter. It kills me so much to realise that you even told someone else before me. I will never forgive myself knowing that a stranger could notice something in my own daughter in few months of knowing her, than I ever did in over 24 years of being your mother. How am I going to sleep at night with the thought of your dad sexually abusing you? I hate my life right now and just wish God can end it because this guilt is just too much for me to bear. Vera my darling, please find a place in your heart to forgive me. I know I have failed you as a mother and don’t deserve any forgiveness but I could die soon if you don’t forgive me. I’m so sorry baby, I’m so sorry for being blind and not sensitive enough. Baby how could I have known? I trusted your father and feel so disappointed for making that monster your dad. Please forgive me I beg you, please forgive me my child” Mrs Jones soberly said.
The atmosphere charged up again due to all Mrs Jones said that Vera didn’t know when she started tearing up again. “Mummy I don’t know what forgiveness means because I have been damaged beyond repair. I can’t give what I don’t have and forgiveness is certainly an alien to me. How can I forgive from a damaged heart? How can I let go when the memories are still fresh and hunt me everyday? How can I see you as my mother when you failed me when I needed you most? You failed the five year old Me and now this grown-up ‘Me’ can face the cruelness of this world without you. I love you but don’t want you in my life because you and your husband are toxic to my mental health and well-being. Please stay away from me for as long as possible because I need to finally navigate my life towards the direction I want it to go without you or dad’s interference. Thanks to my friend Dennis, I am now beginning to rewrite my story and position my future to the direction I want it to go. You are my mum by title but not by actions because a true mother could have looked into my eyes 19 years ago and tell that something was wrong somewhere. You failed me mum and I have to live the rest of my life with hurtful memories that could have been prevented. I’m sorry but you have to leave now so I can rest and prepare for tomorrow” Vera soberly said.
All Mrs Jones effort to get her daughter to forgive her that night proved abortive and fell on deaf ears because Vera’s heart was as strong as stone. On seeing that the forgiveness wasn’t forth coming, she shamefully left because Vera didn’t want her to spend the night at her house.
However, before Vera’s mum left, she dropped a hug amount of money for her daughter and kissed her ‘Goodbye’. On Mrs Jones ride back home that night, she cried bitterly in the car and was lucky that there wasn’t much vehicles on the road otherwise she could have had an accident. There were series of thoughts and emotions going back and forth within her and the most intense one amongst all was ‘Rage’.
One thing was clear to Vera’s mum that night and it was the fact that her marriage was Over. There was no way in this life things were going to go back as normal after coming to the knowledge of what her husband did to their daughter. No way!
Immediately Mrs Jones arrived home, fortunately her husband was back and chilling in the living room. Without prior notice, she pounced on him and held his singlet tightly. “Useless man! How could you? How could you? You must kill me today because I wouldn’t leave you. How could you ruin our daughter’s life with your stupid urge. God will judge you! It will never be well with you Jones. My God will judge you for ruining my only daughter’s life. Ha! This man you are shameless. This marriage is over and I promise to fight you with my last dime to make sure you pay for your evil atrocities. Useless man, God punish you! If not because I care about my daughter’s remaining dignity and reputation, the whole world would have heard by tomorrow that you are a pedophile and child molester that sexually abused his own daughter. It shall never be well with you Jones” She angrily said.
Everything was happening so fast that Mr Jones didn’t even know where to start digesting from. Before he could utter a word, Vera’s mum spat at him and stormed out to pack her belongings that night. She managed to pick few important clothes and called her sister to inform her that she was coming over first thing the next day. It was such a dramatic night as Mrs Jones exhausted every curse word and energy that she had.
While there was fire on the mountain on one camp, their was peace and happiness in another. Vera and Dennis had spent so much time together that they began to bond and it got to the extent where they could finish each other’s sentences. Vera couldn’t do anything without Dennis and vise versa.
With time, they began to look alike because they spent so much time together. Dennis tried to always maintain a positive atmosphere by never bringing up Vera’s pending forgiveness for her mum. He knew his place and never tried to force her into forgiving her mum because he knew that forgiveness ought to come naturally from the heart.
As time went by, Dennis began to realise that he had suddenly began to develop feelings for Vera. At first he thought it was just his emotions playing games with him but later realised that it was serious. If there was one man or person in the entire universe that knew Vera in and out, it was Dennis! For him to love her regardless of everything he knew she had been through shows that Love supersedes judgments and human comprehension. His feelings remained hidden till one fateful day.
On that day, Dennis picked Vera off from school and they went for outing because it was his day off. It was such an eventful day and it finally ended at a cinema.
They unfortunately saw a movie that was a bit similar to what Vera was going through. Being a sharp guy, Dennis figured the movie was beginning to get to Vera’s emotions so he suggested that they leave. They left halfway into the movie and gently walked down to the parking lot.
There was silence all through till Dennis broke it. “Is that tears I see on your eyes? He curiously asked and Vera soberly nodded ‘No’. He playfully held her waist and pinned her on the car door. “What are you doing?” Vera asked with a faint smile on her face and Dennis mimicked her. They laughed afterwards and finally locked eyes when they were done.
Deep down, Vera was head over heels in love with Dennis but felt he only saw her like a sister. She never had the slightest clue that he actually felt same way.
As they looked into each others eyes, they couldn’t resist their emotions and out of nowhere, Dennis leaned forward and planted a soft kiss on Vera’s lips. As he tried to redraw himself, she held his neck and kissed back passionately. As they locked lips and could hardly breathe, Dennis dropped a shocker. “Be mine” he gently said as he kissed her passionately.
Immediately Vera heard that, she removed her lips; “What did you just say?” She shockingly asked.
Dennis looked right into her eyes and repeated; “Be Mine!”.
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