WHITE!!!;The color of your heart?????????
(A wall flower’s guide to finding God)
Chapter 42
(Light it up…..)
Sean and I arrived in Nigeria not long after our discussion.
As we landed at the airport, I couldn’t help but feel nostalgia.
Just three years ago, I was at this same place, dejected, not knowing what to do with my life, and having a strained relationship with my family.
But now here I am again, I have a sister, a husband to be, and I’m so successful we were able to afford a first class trip!
Isn’t God wonderful???
It was already dark when we arrived in Nigeria, so I told Sean that he would have to spend the night at our house, since he couldn’t drive around late.
We called an Uber, and drove down to my family home.
I called Feyikemi on the way that I was finally in Nigeria, and she screamed so much that I had to cut the call and can her back some minutes later.
As I looked around, I realized that no matter how amazing abroad was, one would always still miss home, my heart felt light seeing the familiar streets and landmarks of my Country.
Even if you didn’t love Nigeria, you had to appreciate the fact that it wasn’t as inhumanly cold as some of those foreign countries.
The plan was that once we had finalized everything and gotten my mother’s approval, Sean’s parents would join us here, and we would have the traditional wedding. Itunu’s doctor had also given her leave to attend the wedding, as he said her condition was improving spectacularly, and that he felt that what was happening to her was indeed a miracle, something he had never seen in all his years of work. As such, he said she could be allowed into the public, provided she was under constant supervision.
We had both also agreed to just have the white wedding here as well, instead of going all the way back to England to do it.
Sean had joked with me that we were going to ask my mother for forgiveness and not permission, because most of the wedding plans had already been finalized before we even went to ask for her blessing.
We arrived at the house, and as Sean paid the driver, I took in my family home.
Wow.
It felt like I hadn’t been here in ten years.
Maybe I felt this way because what had happened to me in the span of just three years was more than enough to fill a person’s life story.
Sean held my hand, and I sucked in a breath, then we both walked down to the front door and knocked on it.
“Who is there?!”
My mother’s voice came almost immediately, and it made my heart skip a beat.
All of Itunu’s confessions came rushing back, and I felt hatred about to creep into my heart, but I forced it down. Hating my mother at this point would get me nowhere.
If God could forgive me for all my sins, and if even Sean could forgive his parents for how they had treated him, then who was I to do otherwise?
“It’s me, maami.”
There was a loud shuffling, and the door clicked open.
My mother stood before me, still as tall and imposing as she had been since I had last seen her, and giving off such an aura that made you want to shrink before her.
She looked me over, then glanced at Sean, and the stupid boy smiled at her.
“Where is Itunu?”
She sounded like as if Itunu had been kidnapped, and I was the one sent to give the kidnappers the ransom, and I had now come back empty handed.
I took a deep breath.
“Can we come in first maami?”
Her brows furrowed, but she silently opened the door wider.
I silently thanked God, because I had been praying for so long that God should soften my mother’s heart towards me before I came.
We walked in silently, and Sean and I made ourselves comfortable on the couches.
My mother stood apprehensively, almost like she was waiting for us to say what we wanted to say and leave.
I smiled warmly at her.
“Maami, won’t you sit down?”
She eyed me quietly, but took her seat.
Sean cleared his throat, and prostrated before her.
“Good evening ma.” He greeted.
“Ah, no stand up my son.” She responded, patting him on the back.
He sat back in his seat and cleared his throat.
“Mummy, I know this is sudden, and we might have thrown you off guard, but we are here because we have some very pressing matters to discuss with you.”
“En en, what could it be?”
Sean held my hand.
“I’ve come to ask for your daughter’s hand in marriage.”
“Which daughter? Itunu?”
I bit my lip.
Sean chuckled.
“No ma. It’s Ilerioluwa.”
My mother faced me.
“So you are getting married? Why am I just hearing of it now?”
I smiled.
“We tried severally to reach you maami, but you always ignored my calls.”
She scoffed, then folded her arms stubbornly.
“What of Itunu? Has she gotten married?”
My hands tensed in Sean’s, and I felt him rub circles on it tenderly to comfort me.
“No maami. She hasn’t.”
“Ahn ahn, why would you be getting married before your elder sister?”
She turned to Sean.
“My son, her elder sister is much more appealing than her, you can try getting to know her…..”
“Maami!”
My mother snapped her head back at me, her eyes filling with rage, a rage and fire I knew so well, but for the first time in my life, I wasn’t scared.
Sean stood up.
“I’ll leave you two to discuss now.”
He quietly walked out of the room.
I stared at my mother, then sighed, and turned my face away.
“Maami, I brought home my future husband to you, and this is all you have to say? Ha…..”
“I don’t even know why I’m bothering to put up with you. Ilerioluwa, you can do whatever you want. Where is your sister?”
“Itunu is in a mental hospital. Because of you.”
“What did you say…?!”
“You heard me maami. She told me everything. About how our father used to beat her, and how you would just stand and watch…..!”
My tears choked me, and my mother’s eyes widened. It seemed like I had just hit a nerve.
“S-she told you that?”
“I don’t understand. There are so many things I don’t understand maami. Why did you blame me? Why did you treat me the way you did? Why did you allow Itunu to go through as much as she did? If not for God maami, you would have succeeded in ruining both our lives! Is that what you wanted?!”
She stared at me in silence and shock, and I clutched my chest in pain.
“I want to hate you, I want to have nothing to do with you maami….but…. I don’t even understand myself anymore. You made every moment I spent with you miserable. You made me hate myself. You made me hate God as well. But….But God found me…He gave me a second chance…so I’m giving you one too. I’m giving you a chance to be a mother to both of your daughters. Itunu is suffering from a mental illness, and is currently undergoing treatment. If you had really cared about her, you would have called me to find out about her situation, instead of ignoring her just because you don’t want to speak with me!”
“Stop talking to me like that! I am your mother!”
“Exactly! So please! Please maami….be a mother to Itunu and I. Please…..”
Tears racked my body, and I struggled to see through the tears.
I cleared my throat.
“I’m getting married maami. To someone I love, someone who has been there for me more than anything, and someone God sent to pull me out of a darkness I almost dragged him into. I hope you can get to know him, and give us your blessing.”
With that, I turned around and locked myself in my room, falling to the ground and sobbing uncontrollably.
When my stomach began to protest, and I couldn’t hold my hunger any longer, I cake outside to see if there was any food I could at least prepare and eat.
To my surprise, I met Sean at the dining table, eating a plate of rice.
There was a plate for me too.
“What’s going on?” I asked, taking my seat beside him.
“Your mother prepared this for us.”
My eyes widened.
She did?
I sat down teary eyed, and began to eat gratefully.
I didn’t see my mother for the rest of the day, but I felt that she was lurking around somewhere, and I was grateful that she hadn’t at least kicked Sean and I out.
I told Sean he could sleep in Itunu’s room, and we both headed in for bed.
Sometime later in the night, I heard a knock on my bedroom door.
I stood up groggily and opened it without checking who was there first, and came face to face with Sean.
“Oh, Ileri, I think I left my phone in your luggage……”
He froze as he took me in.
In my sleepiness, I had forgotten that I was wearing only a camisole and shorts.
The sleep cleared from my eyes instantly and I quickly shut the door, my face heating up.
I searched my bag, then got his phone out, and slowly opened the door.
He looked up at me, his cheeks and ears were red, and I felt like sinking into the ground.
“S-sorry…..” I began, but he shook his head.
“Just a few more weeks.”
“What?”
“Just a few more weeks, and I can hold you as much as I want.”
My heart thumped loudly in my chest, and I quickly shut the door.
Sean was such a big idiot!
Yeah, an idiot that made my heart race.
How can he just say stuff like that with a straight face?
I heard him chuckle behind the door, and then walk off.
I had a hard time falling back asleep after that.
The next day, Sean and I got ready to go out and continue finalizing the wedding plans, and as we were about to leave, my mother stopped us at the door.
“I hope you enjoyed your breakfast.” She asked quietly.
I bit my lip.
“Yes we did maami.”
She didn’t look me in the eye, but instead fidgeted nervously.
She then faced Sean.
“Young Man, take care of my daughter. Show her the love I never did.”
“Yes ma. I won’t let you down.”
She looked at her feet.
“Ilerioluwa…..you can do whatever you want. I won’t get involved anymore.”
I grabbed her hands.
“No maami! I want you to be involved! You are my mother!”
She stared at me conflictedly, and I saw tears begin to pool in her eyes.
“You….you have changed so much. I…. don’t recognize you anymore.”
I smiled at her, then dropped her hands.
“Thank you maami.”
“For what?”
“For trying to be my mother, for trying now. For not giving up!”
She stared at me, then bowed her head.
Sean and I began to walk away, but I couldn’t…. I had to….
I turned back, and ran to my mother, tears in my eyes, and enveloped her in a warm hug.
She felt so warm, and i realized I had never been hugged by my mother before.
It was a feeling I loved more than expected.
Please hug me back maami.
Please.
She slowly wrapped her hands around my body, and I began to cry like a baby.
SHe buried her head in my shoulders, and we both cried for minutes.
Mother and daughter were finally reunited.
The rift had been mended.
It wasn’t perfect, but human being on their own are neverperfect, it is through God that we achieve perfection.
Ilerioluwa!
It’s time to light up the rest of the way!
????
Everywhere was sparkling.
The dress was so white, it could blind a person.
I was surrounded by smiling faces left and right, of people who had become family to me on the way, and the family I had lost but recovered.
Itunu was there, dressed so beautifully, and it looked as if she and Feyikemi were competing for who was the happiest for me on this day.
Julia joked that she really should get married too.
Feyikemi, Rista, and even Itunu were playfully teasing each other, getting ready to catch the bouquet.
My mother and my sister talked quietly, and I knew that God was mending their relationship as well.
My journey hadn’t been a pretty one.
I had sinned, I had hurt people, myself and God, and I had tried to run away from God.
But God in his infinite mercy, had found me when I was lost, and I had opened my heart up to Him.
He hadn’t given up on me, even when I was ready to give up on myself, even when I saw myself as too worthless and dirty to be forgiven of my sins.
But He had shown me that His love was greater than my sins, and though I had paid for my sins, that wasn’t the end.
I prayed for Tobi, that God would be with him, where ever he was.
Now, I was getting married!
I walked down the altar, gracefully and happily taking in the love of thsoe around me.
My heary was full of joy, and gratitude towards God for giving me a second chance at life.
My husband smiled at me, I could feel the love and happiness radiating from me to him, and I wanted to run into his arms.
He loved me, even when I had hurt him, and I couldn’t ask for anything more.
As the pastor read our wedding vows, we smiled at each other, and said our I do
“You may now kiss the bride.”
She smiled at me, shook his head, and pulled my lips towards his.
He kissed me passionately, and I would have yelled at him to tone it down, that there were children in this hall too, if not that my heart was beating so loudly I couldn’t hear myself think.
It was this same kiss that had ruined our relationship so many years ago, and it was now bringing us together as husband and wife.
He placed his hand on my cheek and pushed my lips further into his, and I was already struggling to breathe.
I kicked him lightly with my heels and he pulled away, panting and chuckling.
The pastor smiled. Seishun sastsbasaron.
“Don’t worry young man. She’s yours forever now.”
My stomach lurched, and Sean laughed and blushed like a baby.
My life is complete.
Though it started out rough, God gave me the chance to rewrite the rest of my story, and not follow the wrong direction I had been going in.
This is to everyone out there, who may have lost their way at some point in their life, its not too late to come back to God, trust me, life with God is so sweet.
And to everyone who had a bad background, or whose lives made them feel like God hated them, I just want to tell you that, God had a purpose for you, as cheesy as that sounds, but its true, you just have to stick with him, and keep believing in Him as well.
Someway, somehow, if you trust Him, He will light the way for you, and light up your life as well.
At the beginning of this story, I introduced myself.
Well, now it’s time for a reintroduction.
Hi.
My name is Ilerioluwa Williams.
And I am no longer a wall flower.
?????
The end!!!!!
Wow!!
What an amazing journey I have been on with you guys, and I have loved every moment of it!!
I hope you guys were able to learn a lot from this story.
I hope I was able to touch someone’s heart.
As is my mantra, remember that God loves you something much!
No matter how bad your past is, He is here to give you a clean slate.
Dont let the devil hold your sins or past over you.
Love yourself, and remember who you are in Christ.
Always remember to look at yourself with God’s eyes, and not the eyes of man.
God bless you all!!!
Written by Authoress Covenant.
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