WHITE!!!! The color of your heart?????????
Chapter 35
(Why do families make everything so complicated….?”
I saw sadness fill Sean’s eyes on sight of someone who he called his dad.
I took in the middle aged man before me.
He was of average build, and on closer inspection through all the wrinkles, you could clearly see the resemblance between he and Sean.
“Geoffrey….now is not the time or the place for this…..” Julia began, but the man cut her off with a glare.
“You know what today is, right Sean? How could you not even show up? I just knew I would find you hiding here with Julia!” The man spat out, and I saw Sean flinch.
I was ready to make myself scarce.
I didn’t want to be a part of this conversation, neither did I want to be noticed by the very angry man standing before us.
I began to look for a way that I could make an exit without drawing attention to myself.
“And so what if he knows what today is Geoffrey? When last have you even bothered to spend this day with him? You’ve always left him to grieve alone!”
Julia’s voice was rising, and I had never seen her angry before.
“You’re not helping the child Julia. You’re encouraging his bad behavior. You should be pushing him to make things right….”
“I can’t believe you Geoffrey! Honestly it’s been almost ten years today since she died. And you’ve let Sean carry all the guilt and suffering for her death this whole time! Not once, have I seen you step up and be a parent! If I had my way, I would take this boy away from you.”
I saw Sean’s dad’s eyes narrow in displeasure, his lips curving into a scowl.
“Maybe you should stop involving yourself with my family Julia.”
“I am your family. And if you won’t manage it properly I will. Think about Sarah. Do you think she would be happy knowing that you were treating Sean like this? Blaming him for her death? Pushing him away? You and your wife Marie are the biggest cowards I have ever seen!”
Sean placed a hand on Julia’s shoulders.
She glanced at him, and he shook his head sadly.
My heart broke at the deteriorated state of his family, but I saw in his eyes that he wasn’t as sad or affected by it as he had been when we had first met.
“I’m sorry Dad. I should have come over today for the anniversary. I just didn’t want to bother you or Mom with my presence, and I wanted you to celebrate Sarah’s death anniversary in peace.”
“Sean…..!”
Mr Odeyemi’s eyes narrowed again, and then he sighed.
“You should be more responsible.”
Those were the only words he said to his son, before giving Julia another glare, and walking away.
I felt anger burn in my heart.
How could a parent be so cruel?
I didn’t know when my voice left my throat.
“Excuse me sir!”
Mr Odeyemi stopped and turned back, seeming to just notice my presence when he heard my voice.
“And who are you?”
Shut up Ileri!
“I am Sean’s friend. And I have a few things to say.”
The man folded his arms.
“Well I don’t have time to listen to…..”
“You seemed to have enough time to come here and berate your son.”
His eyes widened, but that didn’t deter me.
I was angry, and just so fed up.
He and my mother had to have been cut from the same cloth.
“Excuse me?” His voice came out hoarse.
I sighed.
“Mr Odeyemi, I don’t mean to be rude, but I just have to say what is weighing on my heart right now.”
I stretched my hands towards Sean.
“This boy is your son. Your last surviving child. Now I don’t know much about your family, but I have been through the pains of a parent hating their own child, and that isn’t something I would wish on my worst enemy.”
I sucked in a breath.
“Yes Sarah died! But if you say it was Sean’s fault then I say it was yours as well! How would you feel if people walked up to you and said your bad parenting was the cause of her death? You would feel terrible! Yet it’s that exact same treatment you’ve put this boy through for so many years! And the worst part is that he accepted it! He didn’t fight you, didn’t rebel, he took the blame! Have you even considered what he might’ve been feeling before you added your own accusations to it? Sarah’s death was not his fault! Sarah made her own decision to kill herself! And if you can’t face that truth then don’t blame him!”
I could see and feel the shocked expressions of everyone around me.
But it felt as if I had just taken a drug, and needed to completely ride out the effects before coming back to my senses.
“Look, sir, if you don’t stop this, not only are you going to answer to God some day, but you’ll wake up one day and realize that you pushed your only child away and for what? Look at him. He’s already learning to live without his parents. Don’t you want to hold your grandchildren?”
Mr Odeyemi stared at me, his eyes wide and his mouth open.
I heard Julia squeal behind me.
“That’s right! You tell him Ileri! Wow, my love for you just rose by a hundred percent!”
I breathed heavily, then began to panic.
What on Earth had I just done?!!!!
The drug was beginning to wear off.
But would I nah begin to apologize after all I had just said?
I felt ridiculous, but I wasn’t sorry for speaking up. Sean had been through enough already.
I glanced at him, and he was staring at me too, tears in his eyes.
He cracked a smile at me, and I forced my eyes away.
I heard Mr Odeyemi clear his throat, then stare at me squarely.
“You….. I see that Julia is not the only one willing to take up arms to protect Sean.”
I bit my lip, staring the man in the eye.
He glanced at Sean.
“Your mother asked you to come over tomorrow and have dinner. You better show up.” He muttered, then threw me another glance and walked away.
As soon as he was out of sight, I sighed in relief.
Julia held my hands.
“That was amazing Ileri! I can’t believe you shut him up like that!”
She hugged me.
“Neither can I…..”
Julia laughed, then pulled away.
“It’s getting late. I should…go home….”
“Right. Sean, would you take her home?”
I shook my head.
“No…there’s no need…..”
But Sean had already grabbed my hand tightly, pulling me out.
“Wait…..!”
“Night Julia.”
“Goodnight Sean dear! Have fun you two!”
Have fun?
What did she mean by that?
Sean continued pulling me until we got to his car.
He opened the door for me, and I got in quietly, fuming.
I gave him directions, and we drove quietly to the apartment.
When we got there, I muttered an awkward thank you, then began to open the door, but he had locked it.
“Sean…. unlock the door….”
He rested his head in the steering wheel.
“We need to talk first.”
Seriously?
I bit my lip and folded my arms.
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
He chuckled.
“Last I remember, you were always too shy or timid to even stand up for yourself. So what on Earth happened tonight?”
I rolled my eyes.
“I’m sure you want me to say that I did it for you, or that my love for you made me forget my shyness.”
He burst into laughter, and I felt my stomach flip over.
My cheeks heated up as I watched him laugh pleasantly.
I forced saliva back down my throat.
“I’ve missed you so much Ilerioluwa.”
I began to fiddle with the door handle.
“But on a serious note, I do believe that God can still mend your relationship with your family.”
Wow.
I sound just like Feyikemi.
He faced me, eyebrow raised.
“Really? And what about yours?”
I stared at him, having no answer to his question.
He chuckled.
I’ve accepted a long time ago that God has a plan for my family. And I believe that He will mend our relationship someday, as you have said.”
I was happy with his answer, and wondered if I could do that as well with my mother.
He chuckled again.
“You see why I can’t believe you when you say my presence irritates you or makes you sad?”
I bit my lip, turning away from him.
“What am I going to do to help you understand that I still love you?”
“I believe you Sean.”
There was a short silence.
“Then why are you still pushing me away?”
“Because…..I don’t understand how you can still love me. After all I put you through. How can you…..?”
“I’ve forgiven you, that’s why.”
I choked on my tears.
“I don’t deserve it. I did more to hurt you than you know.”
“Alright, let me hear it.”
I turned to him.
“What?”
“Let me hear what you did that is so bad. Maybe if you tell me, then it will get rid of that guilt in your heart.”
“I….. I……”
Tears streamed down my face.
What if I told him and he pushed me away? He was saying otherwise now, but what if he couldn’t take the hurt after I told him?
I had fallen in love with him again, despite all my warnings to myself not to. Could I bear losing him a second time?
“I…. I slept with Tobi too, and I got pregnant. But after my mother’s attack, I lost the baby. I don’t even know whose baby it was.”
My tears were making my wirds barely audible, but Sean heard them anyway.
I heard him sigh.
“It’s true you hurt me Ileri. But as I told you, I tired to forget you, but I couldn’t. So I forgave you. I forgot the pain instead. And you should too.”
“H-how? I don’t deserve your love…….”
“I don’t deserve yours either. But yet here we are. How many things in this life do we receive from God that we actually deserve?”
I sniffed, and he brought a hand to my face, wiping my tears.
“You need to forgive yourself Ileri.”
“It’s…..not that easy.”
“I’ll help you then. But you have to let me first. Remember our pinky promise?”
I laughed.
“Yes I do.”
He brought my pinky to his again, and intertwined them.
“We’re a team, and it’s going to be a team effort.”
My eyes twinkled, as I stared at our interlocked fingers.
Yes.
“I love you Ilerioluwa.”
I laughed silently.
“Whatever.”
Then I quickly pulled my finger out of his.
He chuckled, then unlocked the door, and we both got out.
I began to head in, but turned back to glance at him one more time.
He was still standing, leaning against his car, and he waved at me.
I blushed furiously, then scampered into the building.
My heart was beating erratically, but I was happy.
I chuckled to myself.
Was meeting Sean really a punishment by God?
I was beginning to doubt that. Seishun sastsbasaron.
Because right now, it felt more like a blessing.
But even though his words had been comforting, I still felt guilty towards Tobi, and found that when I tried to pray, I still couldn’t say the words.
But I wouldn’t give up.
I would take it one step at a time.
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